Terrified im pregnant.

[Biancadelrioisback]

I recognise the symptoms. I'm exhausted, my boobs are sore and my period is late. I'm too scared to take a test.
We have 1 DS who is 2 and while we would absolutely love to have more children, we absolutely can't afford it. Today we both ran out of money for the month so will be relying on the CC until payday. This happens every month. We don't go out, buy gifts for birthdays or anything, don't have holidays, hardly even buy any luxuries in the weekly shop (usually tins or frozen stuff). We both work full time (40 to 50+ hour weeks) so my parents are essentially raising my so and it breaks my heart every day. We didn't plan him, he was a surprise (but very much loved) baby. Now I'm terrified it happening again.
One concern is Brexit. If/when the price of fuel and food go up I don't know how we will get through the month. How can we do this with another mouth the feed? I don't know what to do.
I'm devastated. Fell pregnant on the pill last time and after some tests it seems hormone contraception isn't great for me so Dr suggested condoms. We are only young so didn't want to do anything permanent as we always hoped our luck would change. We have no savings and tones of dept. Wtf do i do if I am pregnant? I think I just need calming down ATM but I'm too scared to tell DH as his mental health is hanging on by a thread.

I think as hard as it might be, you need to take a test. You might be worrying over nothing xx

Take a test, talk to your DH - he will want to know. Keeping secrets like that will damage your relationship long term.
Even if negative he needs to know that you are putting yourselves at risk due to unreliable contraception. If you aren't pg might be worth re-thinking what you do and how you do it so to speak to avoid this worry again! I can't use hormone contraception either - so we had to "adapt" when we didn't want to be TTC.

If you are pg there are options. Financial issues are a valid reason to terminate. You have to prioritise your current family first.

But don't let Brexit be a factor of any decision - it is unlikely to make any difference to most people and any difference will be short term - there is no need for that to inform your decision. I don't want to turn this into a Brexit thread - but there is a lot of nonsense being stirred up. I wouldn't give it another thought in this matter.

How can you not have money if both work full time

Without childcare costs where’s all your money going- debt?

Take a test, go from there.

I think the biggest problem here isn't the potential pregnancy it's your finances. If you both work full time and don't have to pay child care where is your money going? People on minimum wage working full time shouldn't struggle as much. Life is a struggle and I get majority of people including myself need to scale things back when it comes to money but I can't understand how you have completely ran out of money for the month? There must be something ridiculous with your finances that needs to be stopped? It's borderline irresponsible especially with a child

Also pay your credit card off the cut it up!! I've always been taught if you don't have the money in your hand then you don't spend it!

I think some of the comments on this thread are harsh. What if they cut up the credit card, then at end of the month are unable to feed their child? OP has already said here that they don't buy luxury items at all so from reading between the lines, I think that they are in a debt spiral. There's not enough money to make payment and live expenses, so credit card gets used to fill gap, which causes more debt and higher payments, etc etc
It's very hard to break out of but it can be done OP. money saving expert has some good guides.

In terms of the pregnancy, please test. You'll not relax until you know. I assume that you are in a part of the UK where termination is legal, so just remember you have options. And you are lucky because you have a strong family network. You can do this whatever the outcome of test and your decision.

I think you need to bite the bullet and take the test OP - once you know one way or the other you can start to think about your next move and speak to DP and maybe your parents too about options..?
If you and DP both work long hours and you don’t pay for childcare, what is eating up all your wages - are you living in a very expensive area ? Or is it previous debts / credit card costs ? Is there any chance of progression / increased earning potential in either of your jobs?
I hope you’re ok

DS does go to nursery one day a week. My mum does 4 days care for us.
It's all debt. DH was doing really well at work but when things went south he didn't tell me (before we were married) and tried to maintain his lifestyle by using CC's and he was hoping things would pick up and he could pay it off. We are on the bones of our arse. Hence the poor mental health.

I know I need to take a test but I'm honestly shaking thinking about it.

Ah ok that is difficult. Have you tried speaking to citizens advice about debt management / consolidation? I don’t have a lot of experience with them myself but they helped my sister out when she was struggling with debt. And the money saving expert website is also really helpful with things like credit card info and debt management - is it possible to consolidate your debt into one low interest / interest free credit card for example? People sometimes just accept their debt despite it crippling them financially (my sister did!) but really there are ways to get help. If you look into things like that it might take the pressure off if you are pregnant....?
I know babies aren’t cheap but do you still have most of your things from DC1 - pram, cot, etc?
You do have options OP but you need to know so you can decide what to do. It will be ok even if it doesn’t feel like it now. Xxx

You do have options. It doesn't sound like either of you are in the best place to have another child - mentally rather than financially I mean. I think you should do the test and then take it from there. I'm so sorry. Good luck.

If the debt is really crippling you, you need to talk to stepchange. You shouldn't have to live like this!

May I suggest bankruptcy as an option ? If your debts are crippling you and not allowing you to live normally, bankruptcy can be a real game changer. See the Citizens Advice people to get the information you need. My son went bankrupt a few years ago and it was the best thing he ever did. It wiped all his debt and gave him a fresh start.

Just an update, I finally had the balls to take the pregnancy test and I'm not pregnant. Just seem to have skipped this period for whatever reason

I'm really really relieved for you.

Please get some help with your debt. You don't have to live this way

Have a look into Step Change debt charity.

Ok well still could be pregnant. My test didn't come back until I was over 2 weeks late when I was pregnant with my son

Maybe worth thinking about a Mirena coil (lasts 5 years but you can have it out earlier if you want a baby)

Thank you. DH doesn't want us to get help. He is so stubborn and thinks we can fix it ourselves but we literally get to the end of our overdrafts each month and have to use a CC for a week just to survive. Can't save a penny no matter how much I try.
I really, really hope im not pregnant. I can't face having to make that decision. As I say, we use condoms, have never seen one leaking (we always check) and have sex quite infrequently. It just seems so unlikely

It seems pretty tough on you that he's making that decision for you both. You can ring Stepchange and get their advice without signing up for anything, or even giving your name, so in your shoes I'd give them a call anyway.