Have I hurt my baby? Or worse

[LittleNia]

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and I'm really worried I've hurt my baby. I had been off antidepressants for 9 years but for the last four days I've massively struggled with my mental health. I've not slept, ate, drank and pretty much just switched between lying in bed feeling numb or having hysterical crying fits lasting for hours. I went to the toilet this morning for the first time in nearly a full day and thought I was miscarrying as it looked like blood at first glance, it was just extremely dark orange due to how much I've dehydrated myself. I don't feel hungry or thirsty just so numb. I've forced myself to eat some weetabix and have a few glasses of water, I'm going to try and not neglect myself like that again. I'm really shaken up by the whole thing. Have I hurt my baby? I haven't felt movement yet but I've had a small bump, that's nowhere to be seen and I'm trying to think rationally that it's probably not showing as I haven't ate or drank for days, but I'm scared I've killed my baby. I don't want to ring my midwife I don't want them to think I'm an unfit mother. I do want this baby. I don't know what's going on.

You got someone else to think about now. It's not just you. Put your baby first. And yes, start eating and drinking properly and call the HV. The baby's probably ok but you could end up very ill as all your resources will go to the baby first!

So sorry you are feeling this way mental health is something which is very serious and shouldn't be ignored. I know you said you don't want to speak to your midwife but they are not there to judge you only to help and I really think it would be best to get some help midwife or gp. They will support you with your mental health and make sure you get any help and support you need that can include medication which is safe in pregnancy if it is needed. Please keep drinking water to keep you hydrated and contact someone for help today. Big hand hold for you.

Pregnancy can exacerbate MH issues. Please do contact your midwives because the really will want to help. Also, go and have a big drink of water if you can. You've posted here so obviously want to do the right thing. Be brave OP.

Thank you. I'm not ready to call yet but I'm trying to get plenty of water down me. Could I of killed my baby? I'm so scared I'm thinking of going for a private scan.

Pregnancy can definitely exacerbate existing mental health issues, plus there is the added complication of antenatal depression. You can talk to your midwife, she won't judge and no one will think you an unfit mother.

Also, women with HG will go a lot longer time with less food and water and the babies are always fine, they find what they need, so don't worry about having hurt the baby over a few days.

Try and have some water and toast and call your midwife or GP tomorrow x

I don’t think you will have done your baby any harm with such a short period of time. It is really important to look after yourself though; do you have anyone to talk to and who can look after you a bit while you’re feeling so low.
I would talk to the midwife; they’ll understand and be able to help.

Your baby is probably fine - women manage to have babies in all kinds of bad conditions all over the world. Dehydration will affect you before it hurts the baby.
Contact midwife asap though. You obviously need some support.

I had an awful sickness bug when I was 30 weeks pregnant. Couldn't even keep water down for days. I was so worried about baby, I called and midwife who basically said I could be lying in a ditch and baby wouldn't be phased and would be able to pull nutrients from me no problem. Currently lying next to my 8 week old wee boy now. Always call with any worries, if anything, it will make you feel a little better and they never mind. X

Sounds like a relapse to me OP, I remember those hysterical crying fits very well. I have had three relapses into severe depression. Pregnancy hormones can really play havoc with your mental health. There is no way your midwife will think you are an unfit mother. No way at all. Many mothers have MH issues and do just as good or better than those without! I am 23 weeks pregnant and still taking my antidepressant, I will not risk a relapse. Midwife is totally supportive as is consultant. In fact I ended up having to ask them if it was safe to keep taking it.

There is also very little chance you have hurt your baby. Next to none. But you are hurting yourself by not eating and drinking. Speak to your midwife. If anything, wanting to take care of your MH only shows what a good mother you are.