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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Second trimester sadness

2 replies

nocreo91 · 15/02/2019 18:52

Hi all, I don’t know if there’s anyone out there who’s in or has been in a similar situation as me.
Me and my husband married in May 2018 and started trying for our first (my second) child in September.. soon after, in November we fell pregnant and we were both over the moon!
In the first trimester I had awful mood swings, tiredness, depression etc so I was basically a nightmare of a wife.
Now I’m the second trimester as my emotions have calmed down I feel my husband has had enough and is sort of stuck in the old habits and has had I feel like he doesn’t understand my pregnancy at all or what I’m going through. He doesn’t ever ask me how I’m feeling or how has my day been. Although he has never really cared how my day was or how I’m feeling, I would have thought he would care more now that I’m expecting.
At the moment we’re not even talking to each other and I have no one I want to talk to about this because I’m simply so embarrassed. I wanted my second child to be born in a happy family which sticks together forever.

Am I overreacting or do I have a right to feel lonely?

OP posts:
Crossfitgirl · 15/02/2019 23:57

Hey, no I don't think you're over reacting. I think it's normal to expect your other half to be more interested in you when you're carrying his first child! I am in a similar sort of situation. Not exactly the same. But.

Found out in November, first trimester felt awful and DH did everything, housework, cooking, shopping etc and was basically a trooper, I felt so shit throughout that I was just glad he was doing stuff and didn't really have the energy to think about anyone other than myself. Yes, possibly shit wife for a bit and unappreciative, but ffs it's a couple of months and there's a good reason.
Fast forward to now, and I have literally just started feeling better this last week, but DH has already spouted the resentment in that he feels underappreciated, like I don't care about him, that I don't give a shit anyone but myself and the baby. Which is not true, I just feel like I have only just been able to start functioning. And i had assumed that when I talked about the baby he knew I was involving him as its his baby, but I don't think he sees that, he sees it as just me taking about me.

I think men find it difficult when the attention is all centred on us as mothers and we are the ones carrying the baby. I am sure your DH does really care how you are doing and of course will be excited about the baby, but they just don't understand what it feels like and also won't have that connection to the baby as half theirs yet. The baby is inside you, so for men it can definitely feel like they are an outsider in this and its only really on the scans and then I guess when the baby arrives that they will really be a part of the process and be able to physically be involved in the care of your child.

Have you explained to him how you feel? Maybe he is feeling hurt /neglected /shunned from the turmoil of the first trimester and is still a bit meh about how you were with him then? Did he understand how the pregnancy was affecting you?

I tend to find that sometimes, all they need is a simple bit of reassurance that you still love them, they are still important etc, and maybe he will come around.

But also if he didn't ask that stuff before, then perhaps expecting him to suddenly start thinking to ask that stuff now is unrealistic. They do sometimes need things spelling out. Ask him if he is interested, if he wants to know how you are doing and tell him that you'd like it if he asked you and checked in with you now and again. After all, you're growing his baby and asking about you is asking about his child too.

Xxx

Crossfitgirl · 15/02/2019 23:58

Also, you're not alone in this. I feel pretty lonely too right now.
If that helps in any way at all. I understand how you feel x

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