University with a newborn

[MissFloof]

I'm currently 21 weeks in my third year of University. I've decided to suspend this year and continue in September for financial reasons and a few other ones. I've decided it is best for my family.
I'm very confident in my decision however, following a conversation with one of my lecturers I've found myself less confident. He seemed very sure that I wouldn't be able to do it with a baby, I'd struggle and it would be ecf after ecf and a waste of my time. I've seemed to have lost his respect and confidence, which is sad as he used to be my favourite lecturer. He highlighted the fact I've struggled with mental health before, what's different this time etc.. I'm very disheartened now.
However, during my pregnancy so far another lecturer has been very supportive.

I'm just looking for some support/comments on mumsnet. Opinions and own experiences please

It does depend on so many variables - but it is much harder to return to study with a baby.

Finals are hard and I can't imagine doing it with with a baby in tow - people do manage but they usually have easy babies and/or great support networks.

How are you finding it generally - are you sailing through without much effort or is it harder work? All of these things impact on success. I work in HE and the truth is that very few that take time out for any reason return successfully - and the numbers with babies are even fewer. But that is not the same as not being possible, and if you are determined and have good support then of course it can be done.

I imagine your lecturer is just trying to make you realise the significance of stopping when you are this far through. It would be far easier to finish now.

@megan2018 My pregnancy so far has been very hard, so I have already screwed up this year so my grades would be poor. I've got a great network of people and lots of midwife care for once the baby is around due to my previous metal health issues, which is nice :)
I am very determined and hope that the thought of doing this for my baby will push me further.
I am aware that is it going to be hard, I just wish they would support me rather than disheartened me when I told them that this is my decision. I would of been okay if it was a conversation discussing options but it was just me telling him what decision I had made

I had two of my 3 DC while at university and finished my final year with 3DC (4, 2 & 1). It was great! I found the somewhat flexibility of university and the achievement of doing something for myself very positive during my "breeding years". I did have a very supportive DH and other child care which is always helpful.

I struggled somewhat when I entered the workforce after this though as the effort required when starting a new career is huge but we did it!

If you can work out what you need and have good supports you'll be ok! Good luck.

Oh wanted to add that I didn't find the university itself to be supportive at all. They would not have made any accomodations and I had to remind them more than once of their own rules.

Thank you so much @Takemetovegas , how did you get your university to be flexible?

Honestly, I didn't but I knew the requirements if the course before I discussed anything with the administrators. They still would have sent me a million miles away to placement if it came up and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

There was 1 discussion with the administrator where she was adamant she wanted me to return after 6 months and I wanted 12. I knew this wouldn't work with the course structure and explained to her that her own course rules are in conflict with what she was asking me to do. She had to agree with me. I felt though that she would have been very pleased to make me compromise and didn't want to be accomodating at all.

I'm not sure where this attitude comes from. Surely by now they are used to all kinds of people with all kinds of commitments accessing study.

I'm a lecturer, and we've had a couple of students who've had children during their studies - including one who had three. Not going to lie, it's hard, and for many of them there were a number of resits and extensions. But they did it, and we tried our best to support them.

Speak to student support staff, not your lecturers.

I completed my 1st year with a terrible pregnancy. Daily migraines throughout, severe SPD which left me on crutches, GD, hypertension and near the end pre-eclampsia! Now half way through my 2nd year with 8 moth old DD and 17+3 weeks pregnant. I've been doing ok, consistently had A's with my assessments so far but I have a good support network which helps a lot. 3rd year will be so much fun with a 1 year old and a new born 😁

Thank you for everyone with their replies. I am trying to find a good support network at Uni however it seems like they aren't greatly equipped for it. I'm going to try talking to the student union.

My opinion would be to try and push on and complete it this year, as you're so nearly there.

You say you're finding it hard with the pregnancy but trust me it is so much harder when you've got a baby than 'just' being pregnant. I speak from experience of doing a degree whilst pregnant and then with a baby, and the baby bit is harder.

I think if you've had mental health problems I would especially say you'd need to be prepared for pnd, which might then mean you never finish it.

I expect the lecturer is trying to be helpful and has seen others before you just never complete their degree.

You will feel so proud of yourself and relieved when you're finished

@givemesteel , the original plan was to push to finish. However, looking on the financial aspects I would be better off staying at university with the loan. My partners jobs isn't enough alone to support us come summer time when I'm fully pregnant and then give birth. Finding a job has been particularly difficult, at least while at uni I would have the loan.

I couldn't complete my degree. It was too hard with a little one and that was with a huge support network.

Placement was miles away, I couldn't afford the childcare during the summer holidays and the uni were no help whatsoever.

That is just my experience, I'm sure there will be others who managed just fine.

I think it depends on the course and how you find the workload at the moment.

I'm sort of in the same position I currently have 5 year old and 4 year old and I'm 25 weeks pregnant, I will be finished 2nd year university in April I'm due in May I will then have summer off and go back in September with a 4 month my course is 3 days a week but a lot of it is e-learning. I understand how hard it is as I have been at college for past 2+ years aswell with young children. I will try my hardest to go back as I feel like if I don't I won't go back!! I think if you have good support why not at least try if that's what you want! I feel having my kids has given me the drive to do well. Hope all goes ok xx

I’m a science undergrad, single parent with DCs 10/8/3.

My lecturers are amazing. Really helpful, flexible and I don’t have a bad word to say about any of them.

Childcare wise - SF will pay 85% and your Uni might cover the other 15%.

Can’t say it’s easy but I love what I’m studying so that helps.

I got pregnant during my second year, took a year out and returned for 3rd year when DS was 9 months old as a single mum. I was very lucky to have family support BUT was living 200 miles away from home. My mum had to come and stay with me during exams and busy times because DS was so often sick with bugs picked up at daycare and couldn't go. It was a tough year but I got through it somehow! This was back in 2005/2007 so I got income support, a non-assessed loan amount and uni paid almost all the childcare costs.