Please help me decide

[user1489792710]

Couple of weeks ago due to feeling extreme nausea decided to do a pregnancy test. Came as positive. Now 7 weeks POA. I cannot think straight as I'm constantly nauseous and throwing up many times during the day. Had some ondansetron left over from before but it only works for a couple of hours and then the nausea returns.

I already have an almost three year old DD to take care of and work full time.

First pregnancy was an absolute nightmare with Hyperemesis then developed pre eclampsia then went on to have a c section.

We want another child and have tried in the past. Had two incomplete miscarriages last year. Did not experience any nausea with either so reassured myself that it may not return.

This pregnancy is unplanned. I honestly don't know if I want to keep this or not. I'm 40 this year and feel time is running out for me but I cannot cope with the sickness. Last time I was a wreck and nothing helped.

We have no family support here and very few friends. I'm overwhelmed with the future if I decide to go ahead with the pregnancy. We are barely coping with our toddler now.

I've just regained my career and was looking forward to further training.

DH says it's my decision as it's me who will do the hard work of pregnancy.

I'm so so torn... I want a sibling for my DD but am sobbing as I sit here because I cannot cope with the vomiting and the lethargy. I fear I won't be able to do my job like with last pregnancy or take care of DD.

I don't know what I expect by posting this... just some words to say I'm not crazy to feel this way

What support did you get with the hyperemesis first time round? Is there better help available than you had? It’s your choice entirely. Since you have lost babies it does suggest a commitment to have another which makes me think you are more likely to keep the baby? The lack of sickness with those pregnancies may have been linked to them not being viable, sadly.
Could you see your doctor and say you are thinking of terminating, and why, and see if there are better treatments available? If you could get over the sickness would you want to keep the pregnancy?

I also have hyperemis unfortunately (it's my first) but there's a group on here called hyperemisis support, they're a lovely bunch I'd suggest dropping in to chat to them because they know loads and are a massive help!x

Thank you. I was offered anti emetics with the first pregnancy but it offered very temporary relief of a couple of hours at a stretch. Had two hospital admissions for dehydration.

I honestly feel I could cope with the pregnancy if not for the Hyperemesis but I'd probably need another c section and the prospect of a new born again is so daunting. I feel so unlucky and screwed up that I'm so sick and with my inability to cope.

The first two years with DD was absolutely brutal... she breastfed throughout. I simply cannot go through the same thing again I just can't.

I can't talk to family about this because they will be shocked I don't want it. My friends would be the same.

Sorry I'm all over the place.

Thanks Avacadoo. I was on ondansetron for my first pregnancy. With the first since I was unaware of how bad things could be I struggled on day after day. But with hindsight I know how crippling it will be and I simply cannot go through with this. I'm terrified but so torn because I want another baby. O god why why do I have to have Hyperemesis...

OP, it is entirely your decision. But just one thought for me. You don't have to breastfeed if you found it too hard. You just don't. I know the pressure is immense but honestly, if you found it distressing, just make the decision here and now that you won't do it. Or you'll do it for x weeks and then stop. Don't let that be the reason you don't go ahead with the pregnancy because it's so easily solved. for you, and best wishes whatever you decide.

We planned this yet there's been points when I've wanted to get rid because of the hyperemisis, I think whatever you decide you need to know you're not crazy or a monster for doing whatever you decide to do!
I would go to the doctor and get some advice not only for the sickness but for your mental health too! I'm only 14 weeks but have been referred to the mental health people to help me cope.
Also I second the bottle feeding comment, it means you could get a break and not feel so pressured.

Please ignore if you think this is trying to persuade you, but my own experience of having a second dc (by c section, and also after mcs, but without hyperemesis though did have spd) was that it was much easier the second time round. As well as being more confident I was just more experienced and gave less of a shit about what others thought. Had pnd with dc1 but not 2. I must have been 42 when dc2 born.
How much support will people give you if you continue, sounds like you really need folk to rally round?

Thanks everyone for replying. The nausea and vomiting is so draining... nothing seems to touch it. It's constant and unrelenting. I'm cold all the time and have no energy. I need to be able to look after DD and do my job. Right now I'm struggling.

Last pregnancy it only relented at about 24 weeks only to be replaced by reflux and vomiting again. It's so sad my body betrays me during pregnancy... i have absolutely no control over it.

Actual physical support like child care or help around the house will be non existent because both our families live in different countries.

DH has just said I need to be happy and able to take care of the child we already have.

What happens if you get signed off work? Your toddler must be in childcare since you work so you would have peace during the day. I think your dh is avoiding things a bit - saying it’s up to you (well obviously it is) but to what extent is he going to step up to allow you to keep this baby?

I could request for time off but for how long? It persisted well into the second trimester last time around.

DH has taken over the cooking cleaning and taking care of DD for the past couple of weeks. So can't fault him there. But I don't know how long I can ask him to do that... he sometimes work long hours and I need to be able do things.

I know I sound weak and trying to take the easy way out. Feel that we did everything the hard way with the first pregnancy and DD.

How are you financially in terms of needing to be off work, paying for extra support with dd? As far as I know you can be off work for as long as a doctor signs you off for. Absence due to pg can’t be held against you in the way a non-pg absence is for absence management procedures.
Have you looked into better drugs? You will need to see a doctor anyway whether it’s to terminate or not so why not go asap?
It does seem like someone who lost two wanted pregnancies would be unlikely to be happy about a termination - I couldn’t have after miscarriages BUT I am saying this from a position of not suffering from what you suffer from, though I did have nausea into the third trimester it was not hyperemesis. It must be so hard.

Thanks @Uptheduffy. We will be ok financially. I've made an appointment for next week with my GP.

Medically they did offer the strongest anti emetic available with first pregnancy and I was aware of of risk to baby etc. As I mentioned it wasn't very effective for me.

I don't know how to describe the daily despair and dread of Hyperemesis... constant water brash, feeling so thirsty only to drink water to throw up again and again.

I thought I wanted more children until the nausea and vomiting hit.

Would you try something like Accupuncture, I think by your posts. The baby is much wanted but you are struggling with the thoughts of the pregnancy.