Pregnancy after miscarriage - how to stay sane?

[MollyFaith00]

Hello ladies,

I had a late miscarriage at 18.5 weeks in October (it was a MMC as the baby had died a bit before).

I have just found out I am pregnant again which is wonderful. But, I'm already beginning to worry myself sick.

For example, full disclosure....... today is Tuesday and I'm about 13 dpo, I first had a positive test on Friday at about 8/9 dpo as I was feeling rotten. I have taken NINE pregnancy tests since Friday, panicking about whether they are getting darker as am feeling paranoid about chemical pregnancies (even though I haven't had one before). I know this is insane.

I of course wasn't like this with my first pregnancy (DD, almost 3) or my second (the loss). I'm keen to get a grip on myself as I know I have no control over what will happen and also it's going to be a hellish 9 months if I don't.

Any tips...? Thank you x

Try not to look at it as nine months. Take it a week, a day, an hour at a time.

Thanks @Jackshouse - that's good advice :) x

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in 2017 accompanied by massive blood loss and erpc a week later.

Next pregnancy I started bleeding at 6 weeks, assumed the worst had a scan (1 year to the day of loosing the previous pregnancy) and baby with heartbeat was there. I felt reassured for about a day! I losted all symptoms at about 8 weeks so again thought the worst. Worried every day until the 12 weeks scan, which reassured me for a couple of days. Got food poisoning at 15 weeks and worried that would cause a miscarriage. Booked a private scan at 15+6 because I couldn't stand the worry. Best £40 I've ever spent. Reassured me and I felt much better, didn't completely relax until I felt her move regularly though. (She is 10 weeks now)

Tips... you are not alone in how you feel and nothing anyone says will make you stop worrying. Fingers crossed everything will go fine this time.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I am in a similar boat - had a mc in October and am now 7+2. Had some very light spotting (which I had with my dd and didn’t think anything of!) and am now petrified that something will go wrong. My dh is very good at reminding me that it’s best to focus on now - I am pregnant now - rather than what ifs or worries. Easier said than done though!!

So sorry for your losses.But if you find the answer please let me know 😫 7 weeks, 3 days. I had a mmc in July last year - found out at 12 week scan. Every day i’m expecting the worse. The first scan will be scary. Xxx

This is a new pregnancy OP, a brand new pregnancy with every chance of being viable and successful. Hold on to that.

Also, as hard as it is to accept, until a pregnancy reaches viability, there is so little that can be done to prevent a loss. I hate that, having had losses myself but early on. The best thing you can do for this pregnancy is to look after yourself. Relax as often as you can, if you find doing tests calms you, then do the tests as often as you want. If you find they cause you stress, then just stop doing them. You need to look after yourself as much as you can, so treat yourself, be kind to yourself and focus on each day, rather than thinking ahead.

I am so sorry for your previous losses x

I had two missed miscarriages in a row so when I got pregnant again I was utterly convinced it was going to happen a third time. I overanalysed absolutely every symptom or lack of until the first scan at 13 weeks. I didn’t bother with earlier private scans because I had a couple the second time and I still went on to miscarry after seeing a ‘strong heartbeat’. Anyway, amazingly all was fine and the result is now 15 weeks old and asleep in my arms .

I honestly panicked right throughout the pregnancy. All of the scans and appointments induced a huge amount of anxiety, I was convinced that even when I could feel him moving I would be told something was wrong. I also was terrified of stillbirth the further along I got. It was a difficult time but I made it through.

I agree with taking it one day at a time. Congratulations on this pregnancy and I’m sorry for your loss .

Thank you all so so very much for your thoughts and responses ❤️

Sorry to hear of everyone's losses - it's heartbreaking that it is so common. But comforting to hear some happy endings and babies born after losses.

I think taking everything day by day, remembering that this is an entirely new pregnancy (new egg, new sperm etc.) will help. And I also think I should do some things for me - relaxing hobbies to be kind to myself and focus on nice things. And I love the idea of giving in to my madness a bit - if taking tests makes me feel better I'm just going to do it!! 😂

My hospital offers counselling throughout pregnancies after a loss so I've decided to take that up.

Arghhhh it's bl**dy hard isn't it!!
xx

Gosh I had 3 miscarriages in a row, with my successful pregnancy I didn’t stop worrying until I held my babies.

I took a million pregnancy tests, I had about 20 scans (was living overseas so had private healthcare), I went in 5 times for reduced movements....

The odds are on your side though and once the baby’s here you’ll only have something new to worry about.

I’ve been there OP. I lost my first to a stillbirth at term, and my second pregnancy was anxiety-ridden. (My second one is now 14 mos old).

I kept trying to take it one week at a time. For many others they feel like they can relax a bit once they’re past the milestone where they lost their previous pregnancy. I lost mine at 37 weeks so no such milestone marker for me. But I spent lots of time watching reruns of crappy tv shows (watched entire seasons of one day at a time, Big Bang theory etc). I couldn’t stand to be alone with my thoughts so had my mum visit often and filled the rest of the time (while DH was at work, since I was for a period on mat leave after my first loss, and went on mat leave early with my second largely due to anxiety) with TV, cooking really elaborate meals, and spending loads of time on MN.

You will get through it. Don’t be hard on yourself - of course you’re going to be anxious! Does your trust offer early scans? Mine did for pregnancy following a loss. And be kind to yourself and remember this is a completely different baby, and you’ve had a healthy baby before, so this one will be fine! Hugs. Good luck to you!

I also paid for biweekly (fortnightly I mean) scans, and ended up going in 6 times for reduced movements. But that’s okay - loss is traumatic and we have to do what we have to to get through it.