Consultant has scared the crap of of me, am I being over sensitive?

[Welikethemoon]

First appointment with the consultant yesterday. I'm 13 weeks with my second. I have a high bmi, I'm 36 and I had a c section with my first because she was breech (she is now 3 1/2) pregnancy was uncomplicated apart from spd. I was keen on attempting a natural delivery this time.
I was expecting the consultant to say I needed to take asprin (I had to last time) and that I might need more scans to monitor growth. I did not expect to be told to sit down in a little room then have her literally stand over me and reel off the long list of horrible things I'm at risk of and what they expect me to do about it. Basically I'm at risk of dvt, bleeding, diabetes, splitting my scar, spitting down below, eoesiotomy, shoulder distosia, she told me there would be a high risk of them hitting the panic button in delivery and having hundreds of people come in to get the baby out in a hurry (her words) or emergency c section. So I asked if it would be better for me to have an elective section instead and she said "oh no! The risks are much greater if you do that!" I will need to take asprin from now, will need to do daily fragmin injections from 28 weeks, glucose tolerance test and she basically forced me to sign up to slimming World. She also wanted me to decide there and then if I went over due if I would consent to having an elective c section (after telling me the risks are even higher) as being induced would double the risk if my scar splitting. I refused. I don't have a clue which is better and she made no attempt to explain or reassure me further. Just said she would ask again at the next appointment. I also have a history of anxiety and depression (which she knew as she asked me about it) and this was a lot of information to take in! She then set about dictating a letter to my GP in front of me repeating all the risks and problems. Am I being over anxious or was this a really insensitive and unusual experience? I get I need to know the risks, but there are surely better ways of reassuring me that they are going to manage it and it will be OK in the end? Should I complain? My DH thinks I should. I'm not sure if I should suck it up as its my fault anyway.

Really sorry you feel scared, I don't blame you. I'm on number 4 and I've had no professional tell me I'm high risk or highlight any dangers but I know them anyway. I've been in some dangerous situations in previous pregnancy and only now do I realise the seriousness (it wasn't weight or age related and actually the hospitals fault) and it's making me anxious but I know the odds are minimal so try to be practical. It doesn't sound like a nice conversation you had and I don't think stressing you out helps but like previous posters said if you are at risk you need all the info. If I were you I'd not take it personally and make some positive changes for your own peace of mind. X

Babyno2mamabear that’s a brilliant effort and attitude- well done!

Thanks @anotherwearytraveller.

I guess I just wanted to get across that it's easy to be offended and then hide from the truth! I did that for a couple of weeks and then once it all sunk in, I've got my head in the right place and just want to do all I can for a better birth and healthier baby. I just want the OP to know she's not alone and that she can begin to make things much better.

Hope you're ok OP. X

Babyno2 - well done on losing all that weight. I know how hard it can be.
I think people can call out “fat shaming” too readily when often people are just stating facts - there doesn’t have to be anything emotional attached to it. (There is though of course because of our body obsessed culture). If somebody said “you have to work on stopping smoking, it’s damaging your health”, nobody would have a problem with someone saying that. But when it’s obesity, people do.
When I lived in a country in Southern Africa the people I knew there had a much healthier attitude about weight - they accepted both slim and fat people as just different body shapes. The first time I went there I was slim, I put on about a stone and when I went back to visit they all said to me cheerfully, “you’re fat now!” They said it in the same way you’d comment if someone had dyed their hair a different colour or had grown a beard. I just laughed, j was fatter than I had been, it was just a fact.
To avoid fat shaming we can’t sit back and accept obesity as ok, in the same way that smoking is not ok. Fat is ok and even a good thing, but obesity is different. It doesn’t mean that person has to be ashamed or feel ugly. I have people close to me who are obese and struggle to lose weight, they are beautiful and I love them. It’s annoying for them that their struggles are there for people to notice whereas other people can hide away the things they have trouble with.