Considering abortion.

[ellie1A]

Hello, this is a very sore subject for me and I'm looking for people who have perhaps been in similar situation who could offer advice or let me know what choice they made and how it affected them, I am a mother to two children very close in age a 1 year old and a 2 year old, my youngest is very demanding due to having a very long stay in hospital once born due to many problems, I am struggling mentally and psychically, I have a very supportive partner but that is it I have no family and his family rarely see the children I have them 24/7 with no time alone, my partner works 7am-9pm so I am mostly alone with the children, I don't mind this at all, I enjoy the time I get to spend with them but like I said it's exhausting. I have been on the pill (but still have periods) I realised I have missed a period did a test and I am pregnant, I booked a private scan to see how far gone I am and I am 10 weeks pregnant, I cannot see how I could raise another child I am really struggling now but I also hate the thought of abortion, either decision seems like one that will make me unhappy but raising another child with the demands of my other two doesn't seem like it would be possible to me, I need a healthy mind for my other two children and I think if I had another I would not cope at all, I am slightly depressed at the moment although trying my best to stay up beat. I'm just looking for advice from anyone, I'm lost right now and I need to make a decision soon as I am 10 weeks, I know no one can tell me what to do but any advice would be great, thank you!

I was in a similar position a few years ago. I had a six month old and a one and half year old when I found out I was pregnant again. My H also worked long hours and we had very little family support so I was alone with them, also had PND and anxiety. Literally mirrors your story in that I was on the pill and we barely ever had sex so honestly was a miracle pregnancy in a sense... I toyed with the notion of aborting for weeks, I was absolutely devastated to be pregnant again and just couldn’t imagine coping with three DC. Went as far as booking the abortion at 9 weeks after weeks of mentally torturing myself but couldn’t go through with it. She is now six and a half and absolutely brilliant so for me, I’m very glad I didn’t do it.

You need to weigh up whether you could emotionally live with the abortion more than coping with another child or whether, for you, another child (as difficult as it would be) is preferable. It’s an enormously difficult decision to make but have faith you will make the right one. Discuss with your DP at length, lean on him as much as you can.

I can’t speak from the experience of having children and making this decision, but you can’t pour from an empty cup and if you honestly don’t think you can do it...

Having a termination (I’ve had two) is a very personal experience.

At the end of the day you need to make ultimately the right choic for you and the children you have now. Either way is going to stay with you. My terminations were 10 years ago when I was much younger. When I found myself pregnant this time around (unplanned) - I knew I could not do that again. So I’ll be raising this bub on my own as partner is not in the picture.

On a side note - as also a long time diagnosed depression and anxiety person don’t be afraid to seek help. It is okay to say I’m struggling. Maybe try calling Marie Stopes or the equivalent BPAS in your area for advice? Whichever decision you end up making there is support and advice for both. Thinking of you.