33 weeks, savage emotions - help!

[PassTheAfterEights]

Just that really.

First baby & feeling pretty blue, very suddenly. My body aches, can't sleep, feel heavy and puffed out and sore; confused about birth plan; nervous about what's to come - birth and parenthood - more than I am excited about having an actual baby (before my nerves were always outweighed with excitement), guilty about that since getting here wasn't easy; slow to get going in the morning and taking minimal care of myself, don't want to go out much even to walk the dog; last week was jumping on DH and this week feel why would he want to touch me, terrible dreams that he's going to leave me (he isn't - he's amazing and I think a little confused about where I'm at), struggling to find any time at all to be just us; furiously trying to get everything ready and prep the house (we're renovating) vs rest enough and prep myself; tears springing to my eyes for no reason whatsoever and sometimes (like three times a day in the last week) can't get on top of it and end up howling.

Have an amazing MW who has been supportive in every sense but a disappointing meeting with a registrar to discuss ELCS (maternal request - totally straightforward and uncomplicated pregnancy but big worry about tearing in light of DM's experience) last week - basically just spent an hour extolling the talents of the local colorectal surgical team at repair work - and have a mole that's changed a lot and itchy since being PG that GP says isn't an issue but he's happy to remove quickly with a scalpel and no local anaesthetic if it's bothering me, which it is, but which I don't really feel up for, so that's ticking along too. Not sure to what degree either are relevant but they could be?

Previously very happy go lucky, chilled out person, although we had a rough year before conceiving. Seeing MW tomorrow and will mention although depending on state in the moment might end up in bits and embarrass myself. I can get through NCT etc seeming completely normal and happy and lighthearted and myself - it's just the low moments are all-consuming.

Can't tell if this is all a normal reaction to hormones for this stage or if I need help?

Thoughts gratefully received. Sorry a million times over for the tiny violin, I know I am so so lucky compared to many.

Hi @op - I am 30 weeks and feeling very low and insecure. Been bursting into tears randomly and am always cross with my other half. I'm in the same boat and not sure if this is normal or not! I would defo speak to the midwife about it - let me know how it goes! Xxx

Oh hi @rosieposies think I recognise your name, and thank you for the reassurance - Sunday / yesterday were grim - sorry you're struggling too. Feeling a lot brighter today but resolved to talk through with MW in case she has any words of wisdom, in all honesty helps so much to read others have the same and it might be normal - will keep you posted anyway!! Hope pregnancy has been kind to you otherwise? Is it your first? Hang in there xx

Can I join you both? And share solidarity/panic. I'm almost 31 weeks, also renovating, flitting back and forth between doing waaaaay too much and not resting enough, or simply not getting anything done. Crying a lot. Everything hurts. I can't sleep. The baby either kicks painfully or so little I panic and have to kick count most days. All I want to eat is junk but my piles dictate a prune-centric diet. My midwife has seen me howl more times than I can count. Referred to CBT but it's self-referral and it feels like "just one more fucking thing!" on the to-do list. Some days I just want to mope. Lost all work productivity.

DP supportive but has a heck of a commute (5-hour round trip 😱) & ADHD so isn't home to take on general weekday tasks; and often forgets what's on the to-do list/what he's promised to do/doesn't complete the full task first time so it all takes longer, and as I work from home a lot of the life admin stuff keeps falling to me.

Last week our NCT course cancelled on us last-minute and I wept buckets I was so anxious. Last night I was fine and bouncing around. Today I'm (ir?)rationally angry at DP for adding another "can you just?" task to my list for the second day in a row.

Definitely, definitely tell your midwife. I felt a lot better after just weeping copiously in her office for one appointment; she did the bloods/wee/heartbeat checks as quickly as possible then focused on just talking to me. Sorry your appointment with he registrar was unproductive, can you ask to be referred to someone who will approve your elective section?

hey @burritofan of course x ahh it's like reading an account I wrote myself - again am so sorry you're struggling but it's such a relief to realise there are more of us going through this.

MW was wonderful, I'm very lucky. She said as long as there ARE better days interspersed with the awful ones then it's completely normal; third trimester hormones are strong anyway - apparently people feel everything, it's not even uncommon to feel suicidal in darker moments - and we're all susceptible to them to a greater or lesser degree so everything I described sounds normal to her. She said if you start to feel like you're going under and you can't ever get on top of it then that's when she would see me more, and consider referrals etc - there's a huge huge network of help to tap into - but otherwise the key is rest rest and more rest, being realistic about what can / needs to be achieved, and asking for support instead of acting like you're on top of it all all the time.

Fortunately so far everyone apart from that Reg has been 100% "right to choose" an ELCS even if we turn up in established labour so feel very much that that door is open to us further down the line if we want it.

I've finally agreed to take an hour to sit still in the middle of the afternoon and nap if possible in the past three days, I was scared about doing it in case it took me ages to come round or to fall asleep at night, which is already not easy always, but it's helped a lot. Had definitely thought I'll KBO with the house and the housework because it's there to be done. Everyone I spoke to said the world isn't going to end if it doesn't get done, so I've tried to realign what's realistic. It's helped a bit - still want to do everything now and feeling resentful that DH obviously has limited time to help while working, but we will get there.

Hope you're both feeling OK today xx