Pregnant & struggling mentally

[PrincessConsuelaBanana]

I’m 13 weeks pregnant, this is my third pregnancy - I have a son who is 22 months old and I had a miscarriage in June last year. All three pregnancies were planned and me and DP were over the moon when I fell pregnant this time and that we were told all was well at the scan a couple of weeks ago.

We realised our son had a hearing problem at a year old and after waiting lists and tests and grommets fitted etc this problem hasn’t improved and most likely as a result he still hasn’t spoken his first word. His nursery have also voiced concerns about his development and we are now on more waiting lists for specialist appointments to get to to root of it all and find out what we need to do to help him. Obviously I’m really worried about this and upset.

I’ve been very very ill so far with this pregnancy. It’s starting to affect me mentally as I just feel such a horrendous level of guilt. Firstly because I can’t give my son as much attention and energy as I want to and as he clearly needs considering his development issues and the concerns raised by nursery and his HV (not about us, but about potential SN he may have). I work 4 days a week so already had a healthy amount of working-mum guilt to contend with. I feel guilty for getting pregnant with another child when we should be focusing on our son. I feel guilty that I’m so ill that all I eat is cereal and other nutritionally void crap that won’t be doing unborn baby any good. I feel guilty that I’m not being a good enough mum or partner.

My DP works quite long hours and is doing an open university course at the moment to improve his prospects so that we’ll be in a better financial position. He’s a good partner and father and we’ve always had a good relationship but this is suffering and I’m worried he’ll leave me because I’m just such a state. I Feel like he’s losing patience with me because I’m exhausted and upset all the time. My self confidence is also in tatters- I’ve put on so much weight in 13 weeks I look revolting. Coupled with my grey skin and permanently bloodshot eyes I struggle to look in the mirror these days.

I’m not even sure why I’m posting or what I’m asking here- I’m just at a very low point and wondering if anyone else has been in a similar position where they had guilt or depression with a second pregnancy that was actually planned- was it a phase?? I started looking into abortion earlier because I felt so low. Thank you for reading of you made it this far. Xxx

@PrincessConsuelaBanana ah try not to be so hard on yourself! I know your hormones will be all over the place , I'm 13 weeks too and I feel the same. Your son sounds lovely.
I can relate work wise as I do 4 days a week and DP is a chef so works all the time and all hours until 11pm so it's hard to spend time together. Sometimes I feel as if I'll be the one with the baby all the time and that worries me but I know we'll work through it.
Mentally I've been a little depressed through the pregnancy, it's my first and it's planned, what upsets me is that my mum is very ill and I want to give her her first grandchild but the back of my mind is awful thoughts all the time that never leave me.
All I can suggest is maybe speaking to your midwife about how you feel and she can refer you if that's what you need, it's best to seek advice or even if you just need to let your feelings out rather than keeping it all to yourself. Have you tried talking to your partner about how you feel too?
I see how you said you feel guilty because of your son but you'll always be there to give him all the love you can and I'm sure he'll be delighted to be a big brother! I hope you feel better OP x

Thank you for replying Phoebe that is really kind of you I just feel like there is too much on my plate and I’m not physically or mentally strong enough to deal with it at the minute and I don’t honestly feel properly supported by my DP when I really really feel like I need it. Im having to reapply for the job I’ve been doing for the past 8 years this week too which is an added stress. I think you’re right, I need to talk to my midwife or GP about how I’m feeling. I can usually talk to my DP about anything but with emotions so high at the minute it never goes the right way. We had a huge argument last night and I didn’t sleep at all last night as a result so it feels at the minute he’s just making the situation worse- he’s clearly frustrated with me / everything and that makes me feel even more guilty.
I even feel guilty about complaining and feeling so miserable because I know I’m lucky in a lot of ways! My little boy might have SEN but he’s generally happy and otherwise healthy and I should be grateful for that. Though I do feel like a rubbish mum as I’m too tired / ill to spend then time I should do helping him with his speech etc. If i had know this was on the horizon I would 100% have not gotten pregnant now.

I’m so sorry to hear that your mum is so ill Phoebe, I’m sending you lots of love and hope you are looking after yourself. Chef hours are definitely tricky to manoeuvre but you sound like you’re thinking the right way about things and I’m sure you’ll all make the most of the times when your DP is off. Have you spoken to your MW or GP about your feelings or do you feel like it’s under control?
I hope you are ok too and thanks again for your kind words - I’ve never started a thread before and felt a bit odd doing it but I felt like I just didn’t have anyone to talk too and a bit like I was going to explode! X