Unsure what to do, please don't judge ..

[p3achnation]

Hi, so I have a 1.5 year old dd who I love dearly she if my life. She is a very demanding, clingy little girl this is probably due to me a DH spoiling her rotten as she was our first child.

Me & DH split for a brief while before Christmas, he moved out etc. We decided to give things another go, things have been going so well and I feel like everything is perfect at the moment.

I found out 2 weeks ago that I’m pregnant, it was unplanned and a big shock as this was not in our plans. We both wanted 2 children just not this soon.

I’m so unsure about what to do, with my daughter still being so young and demanding I don’t know how she’d or I’d react to having another newborn in the mix. My partner is swaying towards keeping the baby and said we’d manage, he works long hours so I’d be doing the majority of looking after both children. I’ve recently gone back to work part time also. Childcare is a slight struggle even for that at the moment. I suffered from PND after Dd the thought of going through this again plus a toddler is scary?!

Money worries, house, childcare is all a big worry for me. Although I’d love Dd to have a brother or sister!

I’m so torn about what to do as DD is still so young! There’s positives and negatives on both sides. Me and DH would have to work extra hard to save for a new house etc..

Opinions and advice would be appreciated Thankyou x

You have to ask yourself some honest questions like:

• What was your first gut reaction when you found out?

• Would it be good for your DD to get used to sharing her mummy early on when behaviours may be easier to amend?

• How would you feel if you lost this baby naturally?

• What if it didn't work out with your DH in a little while, could you manage with 2?

For what its worth, I think the fact that you are weighing up the pros and cons and taking a responsible, measured approach shows that you will probably be absolutely fine! That being said, you are the only one who can answer that question.

I understand your concerns but in your position, I'd let it be. A pregnancy is a huge blessing. I wouldn't want to be stuck with feelings of guilt or regret in the future. Like your DH, mine would say we'd manage as he would see it as a gift and would kill me for even thinking about any other outcome for it. The body is amazing at adapting and I know you and your little family would adapt to your new circumstances too.

Thanks for the advice ladies, I'm just worried because we've only just our relationship back on track and how is cope. X

How would he feel about taking on more hands on caring? Could you both work part time? Take shared parental leave?
I really feel for you! PND is so so tough. He needs to step up if you go ahead.

Most of your arguments against keeping it are "if" arguments, not things that will change if you leave it a few more years. The fact you say you want another at some point kind of invalidates them.

The only thing left is clingy ness, which a baby will help with, long term. Also, they change so much between 1.5 and 2.2, that it's possible this won't be an issue. It's a very normal age gap, do you think you would feel bad if her peers start having siblings around then?

The only real issue is your relationship, only the two of you can decide if you feel you are in it together and what would help, could you organise help with DD, Good luck, whatever you decide.