Panicking about vaginal birth

[Rapunzel91]

Hi all,

I'm 29 weeks with my first and had a talk with the consultant about having an elective c-section due to my extreme fear of natural/vaginal birth. It didn't go to well. I felt dizzy/sick just being in hospital and felt like I wasn't able to explain myself very well due to being scared. My partner was with my and able to help and is very supportive. Still, I got a referral to a midwife team to talk further and also have a look around the hospital and a further appointment at 36 to talk about birth option.

I left with the feeling that the consultants just wanted me to change my mind and fob me off to the midwives and I've been in tears all day since. I'm so scared I will now be forced to have a vaginal birth and I'm so scared (of the actual delivery/loss of control/possible complications and long term effects) and I now that I will be panicking throughout this possible labour (I have been sick/fainted throughout pregnancy due to this fear). I can't get myself excited for meeting my baby anymore as I'm so scared.

Have anyone gone through anything similar or have some words of comfort?

I havent gone through the same but i had my first baby 2 weeks ago and had a very straight forward labour lasting 3 hours, no tears or stitches needed.

You could have a straight forward birth.

I haven't been through the same either, but my baby is now 15 months old, labour and delivery all straight forward and quite quick- midwives were so good at keeping me calm and no stitches needed xx

It’s positive you have been referred to a midwife to discuss further, you might feel more comfortable talking to her? It is major surgery which is why they don’t take the decision lightly, but would it help you feel more confident if you made notes to take in to your next appointment?

You're describing me in my first pregnancy. The first consultant I saw basically said 'all first time mums are scared it'll be fine' and I should have stood up for myself then. My midwife re-referred me and I was signed off by a different consultant at 39 weeks for a C section. I wrote down all the reasons I felt that a C sec birth was best for me (husband was a huge 12lb baby, I am a small person, family history of birth defects etc etc)
I was referred to a counselling team and got the appointment through 6 weeks after baby was born- helpful.

Keep at it, don't give up- you are within your rights to give birth however you choose to. Good luck!

Thanks for replies everyone.

It's not so much fear of pain or tearing actually, it's more the fear of not being in control of my own body which I have massive issues with and knowing that I will panic/be very anxious in labour which I know is not good for baby and increases the risks for complications.

Thank you @terriblyangryattimes I think I will definitely take some notes with me next time! So reassuring that you got the birth you wanted, hope you're enjoying your little 6 week old.

I appreciate that it is a major surgery and agree that it is not something that should be taken lightly, however. I do really wish I wanted to have a natural birth! Unfortunately I don't and it is slightly ruining my pregnancy, I'm hoping I will get a better experience talking to the midwives.

I'd highly recommend you do the Positive Birth Company hypnobirth course. I was just like you a few weeks ago but the logical part of my brain kept reminding me opting for major surgery when natural birth could be much easier is crazy. And if it hurts you can get an epidural.

Also have you looked at the side effects of c section? Some of the risks are insane, as with any major surgery! So the doctors are right not to take it lightly.

If you go into labour naturally chances are it will be straightforward.

Please do look at the hypnobirthing - might be the exact solution to your anxiety. Best of luck :)

(Ps. My mum who is very calm found giving birth less painful than a bad period! It can happen)

Plus they won't schedule a c section before 39 weeks so you have to be mentally prepared to accept labour in case your baby is a tad bit early. Best of luck and hope everything works out x

The thing is, c-sections don’t just affect this pregnancy, it’s future pregnancies as well. You can end up with scar tissue build up in your abdomen, issues with placental site after this pregnancy.

Have you thought of having an early epidural? Once it’s in, they tend to work really well and really help a lot of mothers through labour. Yes you have a slight increased risk of instrumental, but it would have nothing on the recovery from a c-section.

Maybe see if you can find a sympathetic midwife and realistically chat through your options with them.

Try the positive birth book as well by Mille Hill.

Rapuzul91
This was me 8months ago. I was absolutely terrified of the thought of birth. It stopped me enjoying my pregnancy. I will go as far to say my fear of the unknown ruined it completely. I was petrified of not being in control like you say. The thought of not knowing what could happen. All I heard was horror stories. I would be physically sick when I thought of giving birth. Every time people asked if I was excited I'd put on a brave face and say yes while inside I'd want to cry. I have nothing but sympathy for you. It was all I could think about......

Now let me tell you this.,., when the time came my body just knew what to do. I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't painful because it was. BUT it was controllable! I practiced Hypnobirthing and this helped me no end I would really recommend this. Even in the middle of the contractions I was able to find that voice in my head and talk to myself if that makes sense. Trust me when I say you will just know what to do. I wish there was something I could say to make you relax about it but there isn't. But please try and enjoy your pregnancy as no amount of worrying will change anything. And I promise you that you will miss pregnancy. I mean I missed it so much that I'm expecting again 😃 and also it's true what people say once your baby is in your arms you just forget the rest. I was petrified of the thought of having stitches after and unfortunately I did need them as I tore quite badly BUT as I held my boy I didn't even think about what was happening "down there" that love you feel when your holding your baby is the most powerful feeling you will ever feel! Good luck and keep us updated. I will be thinking of you. Xxxx

Labour and Delivery learnt the hard way with me of what drugging up a anxious mess would result in.

I had told them for weeks I wasn't comfortable with my birth plan, I wasn't happy, nobody listened. This heightened the stress and anxiety.

I was induced because my body wouldn't go in to Labour they gave me a shit tonne of drugs thinking it was the pain that I couldn't cope with but what they ended up with was a woman at peak fight or flight anxiety drugged up who chose fight...

I don't remember much, I had a "adverse" reaction to the painkillers. My fight instinct resulted in me punching DH, throwing a gas and air mouthpiece at a midwife, screaming down Labour ward telling everyone who came close to me to get away. I was in the pushing stage for over 2 hours but not pushing, the contractions were huge but my body just wouldn't do it. In the end the drug haze cleared DH gripped me and said you need to push him out, now. Once the cloud cleared DS was pushed out on 20 minutes with 3 pushes and we left on a 3 hour discharge.

Midwife's all apologetic in debrief, stating they had not realised how anxious I was, that the pain medication had a "adverse" affect, which can happen.

Doesn't matter though, still absolutely ruined my birthing experience. Only good thing DS though born a little shocked had no lasting Ill effects. Thank God.

My advice, fight hard for what you want.

I'm having 2nd baby in 9 weeks. At 29 weeks I told consultant I was considering requesting an ELCS. Of course he starts telling me about problems some women have had recently following csection. But he has referred me to the consultant midwife.

For me I actually thought that will be quite helpful for me and I can have a good chat with her to help me decide the best way forward.

At the end of my appointment consultant said it's not up to him it's my decision in the end so I'm confident if I 100%decide on ELCS he will book me in.

I would prepare for midwife appointment ask lots of questions and write down for her all the reasons why you want one so that you're not overwhelmed at the appointment. See it as a method of clarifying what it is you want.

@FNL18 thank you for your reply, that is honestly so comforting and helps immensely that I'm not the only one feeling this!

I've watched videos on youtube about women who have used hypnobirthing and the positive birthing company as I wanted to see if it could help. Unfortunately I can't sign up to any classes as I end up fainting and have to lie down having my blood pressure monitored, this is what happened when I had a group session about PGP
I'm also going to quickly mentioned that my degrees and previous work has been in psychology and mental health so feel like I have a fairly decent grasp of mental health/therapy/treatment etc. I think hypnobirthing is wonderful but unfortunately my fears seem to be quite deep set and have more to do with loss of control/fear of unknown and a feeling of having to be forced to make a decision that (in my mind) will lead to long term detrimental issues to my body and mental health.

I'm hoping that (if my request gets denied) like many of you I will come to trust my body during labour and get through it. Right now I'm still panicking though!

Thank you @AngelMiracle, that is really helpful! I will definitely bring notes with my when I speak to the midwives as I felt it would have helped me get my points across a lot better today.

@CoachBombay I'm so sorry you had to go through this, have you been offered anything else besides an apology? E.g. therapy? I fear this is how I will end up too, and I will definitely do everything I can to get my point across.

No nothing OP. Just some grovelling apologies, and false promises on how should I choose to have another child they will treat me better and listen to my concerns. Absolutely pointless.

DS is now 4 and we are trying again, but should I be lucky enough to have a second child I'll be far more direct about my feelings. Even if it labels me "difficult" at least I will get what I deserve.

Haven’t RTFT OP but I could have written you’re post 6 years ago. I was petrified of every aspect of a vaginal birth and brought up my wish for a section at every appointment including my first scan. You need to find your strength love and be ballsy about insisting on a c section. Its well within your rights but you’ll be fobbed off at EVERY appointment. I finally, at 12 days overdue with no possibility of induction working was granted my caesarean by a wonderful midwife and SHO who took pity in the state I was getting myself into. However if I had known I was having one earlier one I could at least have enjoyed one day of my pregnancy and I could honestly say I hated every second of it mainly for that reason alone.

I found hypnobirthing really helpful. But if the hypnobirthing stuff is too much for you at the moment I would suggest trying a daily relaxation practice where you just try to totally clear your mind. I find some spa type music through headphones really good. Literally don’t think about anything just keeping your mind clear and zoning out to the music.

With my first for some reason it was the car journey to the hospital that was freaking me out. I was so worried about being strapped in a car, out in traffic, with no idea what to expect from what my body would be going through. But when the time came I put my headphones in, shut my eyes, and just tried not to think and it was totally fine.

I would try to make some notes to discuss with your midwife and after that a detailed birth plan of your wishes and also what you will do and when so when the time comes you’ve got something. But don’t try to think about it all at once, literally note down a thought then leave it and come back another time so you don’t get overwhelmed.

One thought I felt was comforting first time (and am reminding myself now of again) is our bodies do all this amazing work with no conscious input from us. It’s not like we have to diarise - ok today grow the eyeballs, make a spleen etc. Your body has done it all - an entire person from literally a couple of specks. No control over any of. I told myself if my body did all that it knows how to birth that baby as well and you can help that process by keeping your conscious mind as quiet as possible and letting your body do its thing.

Now I realise neither of these suggestions may be for everyone and the fear is so so real and the effects can be so strong physically, emotionally and mentally (I have a phobia and I know I can’t rationalise it away however much I want to. Put me in that situation and its like a rising flood of freak out goes through me). But these things helped me. I had a really positive birth experience with my first and am planning on using the same techniques again this time.

I firmly believe that every woman should have the choice of the right birth for them - and that choosing a c section for mental health reasons is every bit as valid as physical health reasons. I feel exactly the same as you; I have issues around anxiety and control of my body etc and I will definitely be fighting for a c section. I've discussed it with my psychiatrist and he's happy to support my request if needs be. I would take along any notes as well as a copy of the NICE guidelines re maternal requests. Good luck

I panicked about giving birth to my son OP. The fear set in half way through my pregnancy and escalated from there. A C-section is not a walk in the park though. I ended up having a natural birth and whilst not for everyone, I ended up with an epidural which in turn let me have the calmest birthing experience. I was so against one but changed my mind during labour. No panic, no loss of control, no pain. Seriously it was as if they reached under the bed in a 'tah dah!! Here's one I made earlier' sort of way. Seriously though. You have worked yourself up into a complete panic. Address this first before you decide on what type of birth you want.

Do keep hypnobirthing in mind, if you get to the stage you feel you can consider it. There are many classes and different providers, I went to a set of sessions led by a midwife who taught hypnobirthing on the side.

She really went into the mental side of it, fight or flight and adrenalin, and shed so much light in a relaxed and supportive atmosphere.

I used to be fearful of physical issues surrounding my body, and I was scared of giving birth, but using those techniques really got me through a very calm and controlled labour. It gave me the tools to keep in control mentally.

I don't know what you're going through to the degree you are, of course we all feel a little scared of birth but not to this extreme. For my last birth I was prepped for a c section as had my induction not gone as hope I'd have needed an emergency c section and been under general without my husband and I did not want that. I had polyhydramnios (a lot of excess amniotic fluid) and my baby couldnt seem to engage so as the broke my waters the midwives had to push down on my tummy to guide u him into place. Anyway they have to give you a spinal unless you want to be under a general anesthetic and at the same point the anesthetist put an epidural in place to take over if induction went well and I didn't need a c section. They do the same thing and you feel no pain. Induction went well so I gave birth naturally but I didn't feel any pain due to the epidural and I didn't have anything I wouldnt have had if going for an elected c section. The birth was calm, pain free and I had no stitches (I had in 2 previous but they werent bad.) In terms of pain I felt the same as I would've having a c section (none at all) because of the epidural and then after I had no painful recovery period that I would've with a section. I'd definitely find out your options, I've also had forceps under epidural and ventous with no pain relief, they are not that bad and I am a wimp honestly and there were no complications for my boys. I was warned a c section doesn't prepare your baby's lungs for breathing outside of your body like a vaginal birth does and that is ultimately what made my mind up. Good luck with your decision I hope you can enjoy your pregnancy until the time comes. X