To tell the boss or not to tell the boss

[Karigan195]

Ten weeks pregnant approximately. Got my first ultrasound tomorrow. No sign of bleeding etc but acutely aware things could go wrong mmc etc.

Trying to decide if I should tell the boss or not. Clearly this ones sticking so far so it’s either going to be a few days off to manage a mmc, a few days off if there’s a problem with the baby or maternity leave in about 6 months (hopefully the latter)

The only reason for not telling is I don’t want anyone else to know if there is a problem. I’d rather just have space to deal with it just DP and I.

When did people tell the boss?

What are your reasons for telling your boss now? Are you having to take lots of time off?

I told my line manager before the scan as she's a lovely person and I knew she'd be discreet. After the scan I told my other bosses and colleagues, and it was much nicer as I was more relaxed and excited!

Had to take two mornings for Drs appts and another tomorrow. Only reason really is worry about her expecting work quotas tomorrow and if it all goes wrong then having to explain in more detail. I know we’ll be devastated and don’t want to have to explain everything. At least if she knew i was pregnant I’d only have to tell her it wasn’t viable (hopefully not)

As in hopefully the baby will be viable! Bad phrasing!

If you think it's easier if she knows, and you trust her to be discreet and supportive, then I think that sounds like a good idea. But if you'd rather not talk about it at all until you have more reassurance, could you not just call in sick and not specify further in case it goes wrong? You wouldn't have to explain anything if you don't want to.

Also, I'm not really one to speak but do try not to worry too much! A mmc is of course possible but rare, and most likely you'll see your baby alive and well tomorrow. Remember that while you read stories about things being wrong at the first scan on here all the time, that's because there's a ginormous selection bias - most people who don't worry and don't have any complications don't post on forums about it!

I think, whilst on one hand it's good to be emotionally prepared, you should probably try not to focus on the tragic things that might happen.

I am 7+6 and every day my pregnancy progresses is another day closer to a healthy pregnancy, delivery and baby.

Try not to think about things like mc/mmc in case you have any reason to.

Also, only tell your boss when you want to, don't be pressured into sharing anything more or sooner than you are comfortable with. Bosses and colleagues can't pry into why you had a docs appt, and it wont be too long until its all clear to them why. To be honest, if you're having lots of time off for appointments they'll probably put 2 and 2 together by themselves, but shouldnt and probably wouldnt ask you outright.

Try to focus on the positives. Every day of nothing bad happening is a blessing.

I told my boss at 11 weeks because I needed to clear the time off for the 12 week scan. A couple of days later I had some bleeding and had to go to maternity A&E and was so glad I’d told my boss because I could just send him a text and he completely understood. Thankfully everything was ok and I’m sure everything will go well for you too x