How to get out of this rut? Major first trimester blues!

[Sophia8989]

Hi everyone,

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and, for a while now, my body and mind have been going through hell.

Nausea, indigestion, cramps, extreme tiredness - all of it has resulted in me spending most days on the sofa, eating rubbish and feeling sorry for myself. I work from home, which is both a blessing and a curse - I can keep things discreet, but I'm working at about half speed, and days can easily pass without me even getting dressed properly, never mind leaving the house. I haven't the energy to clean, so my home is starting to feel a bit like prison.

I don't know if it's the hormones, not leaving the house, or the fact that I'm no longer exercising or eating healthily (I used to work out 6 days a week), but my mood has also plummeted severely, and I'm starting to really worry about how things are going to go mentally for the rest of the pregnancy (completely ignoring the whole 'coming to terms with becoming a mother' thing for now). My partner is super supportive but I'm sure he's getting tired of hearing about it by now, and honestly, apart from picking up the housekeeping and giving loads of hugs, what can he actually do?

Is it normal for things to be THIS bad, THIS consistently? Has anyone else suffered mood plummets or depression because of it, and how did you get out of the rut and get your life back? For the record, we both wanted this baby and I am of course still extremely happy it's happened, but I honestly wasn't expecting things to be this bad!

Sorry this post is so negative - the pregnancy is all a big secret atm, so I had to vent!

Thanks in advance x

When I was in the early stages, my exhaustion was ridiculous. I don't have the luxury to work from home so I had no choice but to get up and out, but as soon as I could get home, I was on the sofa curled up. My body was just exhausted. The first trimester is the hardest. Not only are you making a baby, but your body is working so hard to make the placenta too which is a lot for a body to do!

The best thing I did for my mental health was to get up and out. Try hard to get back in to working out. It'll do you good. Even if it's just 20-30 minutes doing a slow walk on the treadmill whilst you watch an episode of something on Netflix on your phone. It'll do you the world of good to give your body some endorphins.

Ditto what @TokenGinger said! It's such an exhausting period of time as your body is working so hard!

Keep going and remember that the second trimester is just around the corner!!

Although if you’re going to do 20-30 minutes walking, you might find it lifts your mood more if you are able to do it outside, in daylight. That way, you’ll definitely feel like you’ve been out, and it’ll take less time as you won’t have to get to the gym. Of course, this works best if your surroundings are picturesque, and I confess that my walks in this vein have been down my main road, in the dark!

Don’t stop working out!! Just be careful what you do. But absolutely don’t stop. If you’ve been 6 days a week then your body’s used to it

OP I'm 10 weeks with #2 and really feel for you. Before#1 I was also a regular exerciser (less so this time but active with my toddler) and both times it has hit me like a ton of bricks. Some people can keep up with the exercise, some can't, it really depends on your symptoms, don't beat yourself up if you can't. If you can manage anything, gentle walks in the fresh air and gentle yoga videos on YouTube may help you feel more active. I agree that being in the house alone all the time probably isn't helping, is there a friend you could meet for a gentle lunch time walk? Or just a popping to the corner shop might help. It's an unfortunate time of year with the dark cold days.
Things do start to look up for most people around 16 weeks, you'll get there. In the meantime don't underestimate the affect this can have on your mental health, speak to your GP or midwife.

I could have wrote this OP!
My Mum keeps telling me I’m being dramatic, I’m really trying not to be, but with all the vomiting and severe weakness... I can’t help but feel sorry for myself!

Wow - thanks so much for your advice everyone. As the pregnancy isn't in the open yet I haven't really shared what I'm going through with anyone, so it's great to know that others are or have experienced the same thing!

I think getting outside every day will make a huge difference, so I'm going to wake up a little earlier each day, get showered and go for a short walk before and after my work hours - so it feels a little like a work commute in some ways. I used to do pilates videos too so I'll try to bring those back if I have the energy. Maybe start a fitness diary or something to motivate me to do something each week?

I've been looking for an audiobook to help with the mental/psychological side of things too - surprisingly few on the market! So yeah if anyone comes across any, let me know!

Thanks again x

Such an exhausting time, particularly those first 12 or so weeks. I suffered with HG and I was so miserable I just spent most days crying wondering how I'd ever manage 40 weeks of this absolute hell. Not a 'glow' in sight.

12 weeks passed and I still had the HG and still felt awful all the time. Then suddenly 20 weeks hit and it was like a switch had flipped. Even though I was still getting the sickness, I suddenly had energy again and started to feel a bit more like a human and actually enjoying this ridiculous miracle! I'm now 28 weeks and I feel so great in my body, almost to the point of delirious happiness.

Some little practical things I've found helped me when it was really bad:
-LISTEN TO YOUR BODY, if it's telling you to eat four Nando's in a week, bloody do it. Don't feel guilty that you're not being as much of a gym bunny or eating kale every day. Your body knows best.
-If people are doing your head in, take a social media break. I took instagram and Facebook off my phone for the majority of the pregnancy because I hated everyone so much and I felt so much better just living in the real world.
-Go outside every day if you can, even if it's just to your garden or to tesco for more delicious delicious carbs.
-Think about all the positive ways in which your life is going to change when this baby arrives, there's far too much focus on the negative ways your life will change.

Hope you feel better soon OP

I'm similar op. But I don't work from home I have been signed off sick this month. I find myself getting up late, eating crap, watching tv, husband comes home and I just know he's wondering what I've been doing all day. Nothing! I'm usually very tidy and clean but I haven't been arsed to do anything and I think speaking to no one has not helped at all. This weekend I forced myself to go out with friends, today I went out for dinner with family, I got a haircut, started showering and getting dressed first thing in the morning and all that has helped clear some brain fog. Oh and I started walking my family's dogs to give me some exercise and something to talk to haha.
I think you need to try and be proactive really.

I feel your pain. I'm exactly the same, 12 weeks...can't get off the sofa (apart from work) then come home snore my head off and no energy for cleaning or running after kids. Get out of breath walking upstairs...Can't face exercising. I hope you get better in second trimester. I'm hoping it will bring a bit more energy with it.

I'd agree about getting a shower in early. Also what pp said about getting outside. I've really only been going 10 min walks but feel better for it.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry you feel this way and just reiterate what others say. There's no "normal" here. Your body will react in whatever way it needs to just to get the job done. I didn't have sickness etc but I haven't done any exercise and I'm at week 21. Getting up at 5am every day is still a killer and I'm finding my long work days to be really tiring as they are quite physical.

I think all I can say is be kind to yourself and the great job your body is doing - even if it doesn't feel like it. Celebrate small successes like a shower or getting off the sofa to make a sandwich or managing to drink a glass of milk or whatever. I'm sorry it's so tough for you.

So much sympathy over here OP. I’m 15 weeks now and things are looking up, but I found the first trimester utterly miserable. Feeling absolutely foul, the lack of energy to do anything that previously made me happy, the anxiety of miscarriage or something being wrong at the 12 week scan, the anxiety of eating or drinking you shouldn’t - and of course having no one to talk to about it apart from your partner because you don’t want to tell anyone yet. Plus I had people at work drawing adverse conclusions about why I wasn’t drinking, they gave me a really hard time about not going to the office Christmas party for example. Plus the dark nights... honestly it was hideous - I know it was only a few weeks ago, but I look back on November and December last year as a really shit time! It dragged on so so long.

Things have improved SO much since the 12 week scan. Now I’ve told everyone, work is so much easier. My DH and I have finally let ourselves get a bit excited, which we didn’t feel we could do before 12 weeks. I feel less anxious. The sickness has mostly lifted, I’ve joined a pregnancy yoga class which is great and I’ve got the energy to go out and do things that I enjoy - long walks etc.

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice to improve things right now. I just wanted to stress that things will hopefully improve loads in about 4 weeks time. I know that right now 4 weeks seems like 20 years but it isn’t that long. Hang in there

I love the people saying go for fresh air etc, I can’t even stand in the shower for more than a few minutes!
Jealous of anyone who manages to function, I’m not one of them 😂

Hi there.

So sorry you're feeling like this. I'm in exactly the same situation (9 weeks tomorrow). Also feeling utterly rubbish, sick and depressed, and also working from home. I have a lot of work at the moment and very tight deadlines. I actually had to buy myself a "bed desk" for my laptop because I can only work from a horizontal position most of the time because I feel so sick. Few things that have helped:

• having light breakfasts (yoghurt, fruit, cereal, tea instead of coffee)
• 60-minute walks (I used to go jogging every day but now I go for walks in the park which helps my nausea)
• avoiding negative stuff on the Internet, reading books instead
• visiting friends and family at the weekend

Fingers crossed this horrible time will pass soon!

Good luck, xxx

I could have written the OP! I'm 10 weeks tomorrow and work from home too. It is indeed a blessing and a curse! I'm feeling a bit isolated at the moment tbh.

I find getting outside, even very briefly, helps my mood hugely. Runs are replaced with walks, but that's ok.

Feeling like I'm working (and doing everything) at half speed is so frustrating, but I keep trying to remember that I'm actually constantly doing a lot of "hard work" behind the scenes! So I'm actually doing 1.5 jobs, not 0.5.

The midwife really stressed listening to your body, which also helped. She also advised plenty of snacks. (I like this too!)