So this is my first post on here so please bare with me if I don't know all the different acronyms!
I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant due 2nd August. It wasn't planned at all, I had only been with the baby's dad since August 2018 so it was a big shock but I felt happy nevertheless.
My relationship with the baby's dad had been turbulent. I love him so much, I could really see a future with him but we've been arguing so much recently and it's been an absolute nightmare. I've been getting really bad headaches which I thought could have been caused by the pregnancy but I think now may have been caused by stress.
He's been really excited about the baby but it felt that nothing had really changed for him. I know I'm so early on but we had discussed that now I was pregnant he would give him smoking weed which he made no effort to do at all. I have changed my lifestyle, I have not had one drink since I found out I'm pregnant, I've been relaxing more, more so because I'm so tired but I've been more aware of looking after my body. Nothing has changed for him, I know it's hard for a guy especially so early on as he's not the one carrying the baby but I just feel that he's got it so easy. Smoking weed has been a big issue for us as it makes him so paranoid and he's accused me of all sorts of things that I haven't done. We were honest when we went to the first midwife appointment and told her that he smoked weed and she said that she was going to have to flag that up as a cause for concern which I thought might make him wake up and try and stop but it didn't. He really wants to give up plus he can't really afford it but he just gives in everyday. I just feel like there's no effort there from him.
Anyway after all the arguing for weeks we broke up on Thursday. The day before my first scan. It was a big argument and I just couldn't do it anymore. My sister came with me to the scan as he had said during the argument he wasn't coming with me. But he did turn up, and I did let him come in with me because I'm not a total cow and i wouldn't deny him that opportunity. I started crying when I saw the baby and he held my hand but after the appointment we haven't spoken since. This was yesterday and I'm feeling so lost.
The thing is the situation isn't the most conventional. He lives at home with his parents. I currently live in a house share with strangers. We had originally planned for me to move in with him at his parents once we'd had the first scan and to then look for our own place. But now this has happened.
I don't know what's going to happen, my tenancy on this room is up in may although I could probably get out of it sooner if I told them I was pregnant as I would not be able to have a baby there. I've got a relatively well paid job but I only get statutory maternity pay so I'm really worried about getting a flat on my own and then struggling when I get less than £600 a month for the majority of my maternity leave.
My family situation is difficult. My parents haven't spoken to me in two years, I was brought up in a strict religion and when I left that they weren't happy. However I reached out to them recently to let them know I was pregnant. They did say they'd support me but I saw that more as buying me things for the baby not so much moving back home and at the point I told them I was still in a relationship so that wouldn't have even come up in topic. My sister can't have me to live at hers. I've got no one else that I can move in with. I feel very stuck and unsure as to what's going to happen.
Plus I've not got a massive group of friends, just a couple but it's hard because I feel so lonely. Because I was basically living at my ex's family's house and I love his parents so much, I always had people to talk to. Now i feel so alone, basically going back to a house share to sit in my room. I just feel so so sad and every once in a while I just start crying. It's so hard to comprehend potentially being a single parent when all I wanted was so be in a loving couple. I suffer with depression which has made this period harder too.
I love my sister but she's basically told me that I don't have to go through with the pregnancy and I have other options. Those options are not open to me, I love this baby with all my heart and even more so after seeing the scan.
I'm so sorry for the long post, I just feel I don't have anyone to talk to atm.