22. Finishing Uni & pregnant - can I do this?!

[Sophie0983]

Hi, I'm here for some advice and thoughts of other Moms out there.

I found out two weeks ago that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I have 3 months left of my final university year and I work part time as a carer. Me and my partner live together, he earns good money and is in a stable career managing a care facility.

My mom and dad want me to get a termination, forget all about this pregnancy, move on and accelerate in my career etc. My partner would be devastated for us to have a termination, but acknowledges the difficulties ahead... no time alone again, no holidays alone etc.

Our relationship is really secure but we just haven't had much time to ourselves yet, we're both 22. My heart is so torn. I really hate the idea of terminating a pregnancy and worry that I'd regret that decision, but I feel scared of parenthood at this age. I'm a hard worker and know that I could pull through on my career once baby is in nursery and we would be helped out by our family a lot, but I worry about us not having more "us" time and if its too hard to have a baby fairly young and get a career going afterwards.

What do you all think? Did you make it through your pregnancy in early twenties and then make a go of your career after? how hard is it?

Thanks in advance ladies xx

I did. Similar situation, but had longer to go when I found out - was due 1st August to 2017 so sat my exams mid-June very pregnant and uncomfortable! Managed to pass them all, won't say it wasn't bloody hard and had barely any support but I have no regrets.

DD is 18 months now, we've just bought a house and I work 3 days a week and am studying for my masters with the OU. It's full on but I love being a mum and wouldn't change it for the world.

Only you know if it's the right decision but I would recommend telling your uni either way. If you're going to continue with the pregnancy they will need to know and can make practical changes for you (e.g. assignment extensions, sitting in a smaller room for exams, days off for scans etc). If you decide to terminate you may need emotional support and time off to come to terms with it.

Good luck and feel free to message me if you want to chat x

I got Pg at 22 while still at university. I considered termination because I was panicking and that would have been a 'fix'. Except that it wouldn't have been really, because I wanted my baby. I graduated, got my first job doing a maternity cover for someone else, then went off to have my baby and returned to work shortly after.
I was lucky - I had parental support and a good partner (also at uni). I can honestly say that having my baby was the best choice I ever made. He's 21 now and just graduated himself.
No one can make this choice for you, certainly not your folks - from their pov they are worried. It is harder to build your career/life when you are a young parent. But it's not impossible.
You know deep down what you want to do, you just have to be brave and resist pressure to do what someone else thinks is best.

I was pregnant in my final year of university and ds actually arrive 2 weeks after graduation. My partner was still at university part time and worked full time. We were both early 20s, so it is doable and i couldnt imagine having the energy as i got older. But everyone is different and you need to do what is right for you. Good luck with university.

I had a baby then went to university. My daughter took a year off in the middle of her degree and had twins. You can do a lot of career related things later but, biologically it is better to have children young.

I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks after my 2nd birthday. Whilst I wasn’t at uni, I’d just started a new job and had only been with DBF for a couple of months.

DS celebrated his 19th birthday yesterday and DBF is now DH. Despite working part time when DS was a baby I now have a senior management position and a great career.

Yes we didn’t have much time together before DS was born and had very little money when he was a baby but now he’s at uni and we have time to do weekends away, go on holiday together. We are still young enough to be able to enjoy the freeedom we have now.

Whilst not ideal and not how I’d have planned it, I wouldn’t change a thing. Good luck

That should obviously say 22nd not 2nd birthday!

With my course I hand in my last piece of coursework april 30th and have no exams after, so don't have that issue. I graduate in November (strange time) and so would have a nearly 2 month old then.

It's so tough because in my heart I would love to have this baby but fear for my future in that I do want my career, I would like to study post grad for Ed Psych PhD but that would only happen around 27 anyway due to needing the right experience before hand. Can't help but think, when is the right time to have a baby with my goals?

Also worried about when we'd get a mortgage and what area and school baby would go to. I am such a perfectionist and am anxious about all the things that I haven't been able to plan. Our condom broke whilst I was off the pill for one month (doc wouldn't give me next pill packet before xmas as I needed a check) and that's all it took, I'm bloody pregnant. Naive I know but can't quite believe it !

I was 22 and pregnant for half of my last year and then gave birth in the January and wrote my dissertation/sat final exams/graduated in the 4 months after birth.

My little girl has just turned 1 now and I've been back at work since October and will be going to university this Autumn to get my postgrad degree. It's definitely doable! Obviously I haven't had my career yet as I've just turned 23 but I feel like having my daughter has gave me even more of a push to succeed and achieve all my ambitions because I have to create a stable future for her, as well as myself!

My partner and I only moved in together the day I left hospital after birth as well, but I wouldn't change it at all. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have been normal 22-23 year olds and go for holidays and nights out every weekend until we were 30 but then I think of the life we have with our daughter and it's better than anything I ever imagined (and I say that as someone who didn't want a to be a mum until the day I found out I was pregnant!).

It's definitely a life changing decision, but not at all the end of your life as some people like to make out! Feel free to message me anytime, seems like we were in a pretty similar situation! x

My little girl also came to my graduation with me, although she was too young to understand any of it, but it just felt so special having there to see me on the stage getting my degree scroll and to prove to all my disapproving lecturers that I could be a good mum and a good student at the same time!

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy Yes, you can have this baby! Please don’t listen to your parents. It it you and your DPs baby not your parents.
He sounds loving and supportive and you can sort out managing a career and childcare together.
It’s definitely easier having children younger. There is only 2.5 yrs between my DC - and the those years made a difference.
Speak to your tutor - they should help you.
Good Luck and sending you un mumsnetty hugs

Just seen your update, is it psychology you're doing at the moment?

I graduated in psychology and am aiming to be an EdPsych (although pursuing teaching for a few years first) but definitely similar situation good luck with whatever you decide!

@Sophie0983 Hi, congratulations first of all!
Out of interest, what is the degree you're studying? Is it one that's easy for job prospects even after taking a year out for a baby?

The goods: at least you only have 3 months to go till your degree is done- so you won't have to struggle with studying whilst caring for a baby!

You want this child and don't want to terminate (i would make this same decision in your circumstance).

I know you said your boyfriend wasn't 100% with the whole thing but overall it's not his decision, it's solely yours. X

Yes it is Psychology! I have worked with special educational needs children for a while now and taught children with autism through ABA home programmes. I am thinking I could work as a TA in specialist school for a few months before going on mat leave - I know parents of children I care for that have offered this job to me before - just don't know ... trying to think of all the ways I could work this out !

If I had a job to go back to after maternity leave I'd feel more secure. It's not having a job when I graduate and not one to go back to that scares the shit out of me! Most graduates go on to get their fab job straight away and I won't really have that chance.

Also majorly worried about any support I would get - probably a small maternity allowance I don't currently qualify for statutory maternity pay as I only work part time. It's all such a stress at the moment! I'm worried that this is time conscious too, only really have a week to decide. Once there's a heartbeat I just know I couldn't end my pregnancy.

You are in a better position than a lot of new parents.

yes you can do it! congratulations!

There is never a right time to have kids....

I was 30s mortgage, good job, partner, stable life, pregnant.....to more pregnant, single, paying mortgage alone and needing to get a new job after birth...

Am i scared? terrified... but its happening and to me im dealign with it - there is always a solution....

Best of luck :) go with what your heart is telling you

There’s never a right time to have kids & it sounds like you have your head screwed on - if you want the baby you should totally keep it! People change jobs and careers a lot and what makes you happy job wise right now isn’t necessarily what you’ll see for yourself down the line & you may regret not having kept the baby. Either way good luck with the decision making & congrats!

obvcourse you can! I have 5 year old 4 year old and am 22 weeks pregnant in 2nd year university and finish in April will go back in September my course is alot online so hopefully will be doable with newborn pregnancy was not planned but hopefully can make it through until April just worried as birth my babies have been born at 31 weeks and I have 6 assignments for april😂😂 best of luck you will smash it xx

Of course you can do it!

It wont affect your degree at all. As long as you remain focused. My friend had a lecture at uni while in early labour and continued her final Year by going back three weeks later.

The childcare shouldnt be all you though. It shouldn't just negatively impact your career. You need to get out of the mindset of thinking what will be left after childcare out of YOUR wage alone. Or child raising being YOUR responsibility alone. Talk to your dp about the practicalities now. What days does he work? What changes can he make to accommodate parenting?

What is your career plan? Dont put it on hold beyond the necessary.

Reading your post I feel that you will have regrets if you didn’t have this baby. We usually regret would we didn’t do rather than what we did. It might be hard but you will find a way. You can always go back and to your post grad course later there is no time limit of returning to education and since you will already have a degree you will be fine. You seem to be in a committed relationship and I would worry that if you didn’t have this baby it might put a ‘big white elephant’ situation in the mix. If you had baby you two would work as a team and surely that would strengthen your relationship.