Hi, I am nearly 34 and pregnant with baby number 4, i had my first at 23 and my 3rd is 5 so it's been a while since last pregnancy, I've always been very chilled in pregnancy but since my last baby, two of my friends have had still births, one from icp in pregnancy the other for unknown reasons, and a close friends new baby died from SIDS, I've learnt a lot about baby loss and I feel like it's changed everything for me. I look back at previous pregnancies and think why didn't I cause more fuss, with number 2 the hospital had no beds available and I had polyhydramnios detected at 41 weeks, they sent me home and told me to call an ambulance and check for cord prolapse of they go before I come back. I got admitted as soon as bed became free and I was number 1 in order of priority for induction for days but they had to wait until a gap when there wasn't someone in spontaneous labour taking the space. I went 16 days over due date which I now know is dangerous and the outcome could've been very different. Anyway, this is bothering me now the more I've learnt of others losses and how risky that was. I have o neg blood so need anti d if knocked badly or a fall, I recently found out it can sometimes affect you and baby if you have a rupture, everytime my 5 year old jumps at me for a cuddle I panic inside? I fell down the stairs top to bottom in last pregnancy and they said no need to come in for anti d as it was on my back but midwife found out later and said that wasn't on and risky so now that's playing on my mind a little incase it sensitised me as baby was born with positive blood. My bump is significantly smaller this time too, all my bumps have been huge and at 17 weeks there's barely anything there??? Writing all this down I feel ridiculous but then I'm thinking it's just because I've read lots of horror stories when researching and also Im close to grieving friends and understand more now how fragile life can be. Is this a normal response or totally irrational? I used to be so laid back.x