Agh my mum keeps buying stuff I don’t need

[Ahhyourkickingmyrib]

Just that really.

I don’t have the best relationship with my mother. She’s been particularly controlling and unsupportive this pregnancy. (She manages to be overbearing and disinterested at the same time which is impressive).

My in-laws have been great. They’ve asked to help and asked what we need. This is massively appreciated especially as we didn’t expect anyone to help as obviously it’s our baby and our responsibility.

However, the baby’s room is small and we are short on space. My mum
Is buying stuff we don’t need and expecting endless praise despite the fact we’ve asked her to stop doing it.

Does anyone else have this problem? She’s not doing it for us or
The baby. She’s doing it for herself.

Maybe she just wants to feel helpful, particularly if you don't have a great relationship. All mums think they know best but it's not very considerate if she's actually causing more stress than help.
Explain this to her.
I would give her a list of the things you DO need and ask her to just get things on that list, tell her how much more you would appreciate that.
She might respond better to telling her what you WANT her to do rather than what she should stop?
If she carries on then just stop accepting what she gets and ask her to take it back...

I think she wants to be a doting granny but it’s more “you will have this and you will like it”. I’ve dropped hints and I’ve also told her what we need. Zero offers from her

I think she struggles socially and doesn’t understand people which doesn’t help.

She’s going shopping today and I know she’ll buy more stuff despite being told not to. Last time she bought £50 worth of Ted Baker newborn clothes which just seems so wasteful to me. I could have used that money to buy a sling that I need.

Accept them, and return them to store.
Pretty much every single shop takes bakc baby clothes as long as they are unworn, preferably with tags. You don't need receipts.

So I would take them back, and get money back, or swap for things you do need. If she asks, tell her what you have done, in a cheerful way - well mum we have so many newborn clothes, I took them back and exchanged them for a sling. So much better!

Or, explain you have no room, so she can keep the stuff at HER house, for when you visit, and hand it to her as she leaves.

Thanks!

I’ll give that a go. I know she’ll kick off and have a go. (I feel that there will be a huge row over something at some point as I can feel it brewing). Doesn’t help that my dad enables her behaviour and thinks she does no wrong. He thinks that children should do as their parents say, even if they are adults.

Never mind she’s just bought more stuff despite me telling her not to. Im so angry

The thing is, lots of people say "Oh you shouldn't have, you don't need to buy me anything etc" She is just not getting the message. Either because her social skills are so poor, or because she is bulldozing you.

She will only actually understand that you don't want it, when you demonstrate that you don't want it. So hand it back to her - I have no space - you can't leave it here, I don't want it.
It sounds horrible, but if she is not listening, then you do have to be firmer, clearer, and more direct.

@Ahhyourkickingmyrib oh my goodness I can relate sooooooo much here! I previous made a AIBU post about my in laws buying stuff for my unborn baby at 4 weeks gone!!
From my replies what I can tell you is that most people see how they're trying to help, with it being your own mum she'll be over the moon it's her grandchild you're carrying! She should listen to what you would like for baby, things you need like bottles, nappies, a Moses basket for example..
My MIL bought us a pram at 4 weeks when we hadn't even had a chance to give it a thought or look at any. She's bought us a play pen and rockers and stuff, had outfits knitted and just brings them over to our house! We feel pushed out our own pregnancy and haven't had a chance to choose anything ourselves for our first born. It's hard but it's best to nip it in the bud before it gets worse and when baby is here you don't want her going OTT with him/her either. Good luck! X

‘Pretty much every single shop takes bakc baby clothes as long as they are unworn, preferably with tags. You don't need receipts.’

It depends, the clothes would need to be exclusive to that store as more than one store could sell Ted Baker for instance. If there’s tags on proving they are from a certain store you should be fine.

Honestly I would just return or sell them on and put the money towards what you actually want.

How direct have you been with her?

Literally could have written this myself.

My mother was the same, kept buying things I didn't need/want and definitely was doing it for herself so she could tell people she did. We don't have a good relationship and are no longer on speaking terms (she wanted access to the baby without having any time or respect for me or dh).

Maybe tell her you only want the basics before baby gets here and see what you need after. Also I'd write out a list of exactly what you need or want and give it to her to advise people what to get if they contact her looking for gift ideas and hopefully she'll stick to the list when she wants to buy stuff herself.