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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Please don’t judge me**

8 replies

Sep19 · 23/01/2019 20:54

Hi mums, new to this. I’m not sure what to say but I really need some help without judgement. Sad
I’m a mummy to two amazing kids already (8&4) and last year was just traumatic in a sense. I went through 3 miscarriages, all at around 6 weeks and I’m not sure I’ve even accepted it yet. Apparently after 3 consecutive miscarriages they will then send you for tests etc. Well whilst waiting on a 3 month waiting list for those, I fell pregnant again.
I have my first scan next week (extra scans etc due to the miscarriages)
By bloods and dates they think I’m already coming up 8 weeks, a stage I didn’t yet reach previously. Now this is the sensitive part that makes me seem a complete monster... now that all seems to be ok this time, I’m having second thoughts 😭😭 I feel so guilty for even having these thoughts. I lost 3 babies, surely I should be happy that all seems well this time? Why am I feeling this way?
PLEASE tell me someone has been through something similar, and what was the outcome?
I feel horrible and I’m actually ashamed right now

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 23/01/2019 20:58

You have had a ghastly year,3 mc,that’s a huge emotional toll
Now you’re processing your pg news,understandably it’s a lot to take in
Talk to your mw and I wish you well.please be good to yourself

hiptobeasquare · 23/01/2019 21:04

I was told the chances of us getting pregnant were very low. We adopted a baby boy. When he was 16 months I found out I was pregnant. It was a huge shock. We hadn’t been using contraception for 6 years. I didn’t think my little boy would cope with a sibling. I was worried he would feel left out. I really didn’t think it was in his best interest to bring a new (bio) baby into the family. It took me a while to adjust. Even when we started telling people I still was adjusting to it. I didn’t terminate the baby, I decided I would make it work. I spent a lot of time thinking about how best to introduce our little boy to his sibling. She is perfect and I wouldn’t change it.

Anonalongadingdong123 · 23/01/2019 21:05

Perhaps you've been so focused on getting pregnant and passing the 6 week stage you've not allowed yourself to accept you're actually having a baby. That realisation is dawning on you and naturally, it's scary! You're maybe slightly freaking out at the thought of doing it all again and having 3 kids. I think it sounds quite normal but speak to your partner and be honest. Don't bottle it up.

hiptobeasquare · 23/01/2019 21:06

No judgement from me though. You are allowed to feel confused and emotional. Flowers

HJWT · 23/01/2019 21:33

Are you sure its not the fact your so overwhelmed with the thought of loss?

Original poster
Sep19 · 23/01/2019 22:15

Thanks so much for the nice replies ❤️
Wow, finding out you’re pregnant after adopting must of been a whirlpool of emotions, it’s a lovely story though, I’m glad it worked out well for you.
I think there’s a possibility that stressing about getting passed 6 weeks is playing a part.
I haven’t let myself grieve the losses properly, just threw myself straight back to running around after my other 2. I do struggle with speaking about my feelings, probably why I’ve turned to something like this for some help and a chance to vent a little. Maybe I should look into some kind of counselling for the losses? Is there such a thing? It seems early miscarriages are something that just get shoved under the carpet

OP posts:
HJWT · 23/01/2019 22:35

@Sep19 we all know as women that the second you see that line you already imagine this baby in the family, what you might name them and all the cute bits to buy, it isn't any easier because the loss is so early on, I think talking to someone about your loss' will really help you as it sounds like you haven't been able to express the pain you have felt up to now!!! Sending hugs Thanks

sirmione16 · 23/01/2019 22:39

I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time recently, OP. I've felt the pain of miscarriage.

Perhaps your mind is almost going into defensive mode? Because you've had the pain and disappointment of failed pregnancies already, its almost like if your brain tells you in some way you don't "want" this, then it'll be easier to deal with god forbid something go wrong ?? It's not a conscious thought, but almost a coping mechanism you're unable to control maybe?

Good luck with the future, thoughts are with you and the new LO

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