....is it unreasonable not to want my mum at the first scan?

[mum2sam]

my scan is tommarrow and my mum kind of invited herself. Th e thing is she doesnt drive and so we will have to pick her up but dh and i have booked a last min hol and will be leaving straight after the scan and we still havent finished our packing so may have to do so tommarrow am. Not only this but i kind of wanted it to be me and dh because he will be away for 6mths after this and so will miss our next scan and the rest of my pregnancy and possibly the birth.Also because this will the first time we will hear the heartbeat and see the baby i just want to make sure everything is ok first. I dont want to hurt my mums feelings especially as i know she will be supporting me over the next few months with dh being away. Should i just tell her to make her own way and bite my lip or just ask her if she minds it just being dh and i because she can come to the next one. I cant help feeling she will be a bit off.I dont now if my reasons for her not coming will be valid enough.

I think you just need to tell her what youve told us and be firm. I completely agree with your reasons especially as your dh will possibly not be there for everything else.

Can you afford to have a private 4d scan later on? Might be a nice thing for the two of you to go to and you'll have pics & maybe a DVD to send to your dh when he's away.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable wanting it to be just you and dh. I was the same and wouldn't even tell my mum exactly when the scan was as I was very nervous about it and wanted to have some breathing space if there was anything wrong.

Just tell her what you've told us - that you want to make sure that everything's OK with the baby before you invite her to a scan. That's a perfectly valid reason.

Don't ask her if she minds, because that implies that she has a choice and that you would change your mind if she did mind.

My mum done this when i had my scan 3 weeks ago. She invited herself along and dp was very annoyed as he wanted it to be for just us.
I told her that although i will need her support, i wanted the first time we saw our baby to be just between me and dp.
She wasnt too happy but its something that we wanted to do on our own. I know how you feel and i know its hard but you do need to put your foot down and be firm.
My mum has even asked if she can be there for the birth and ive told her no straight away.

tell her straight like you have worded it here. She should understand that it's a special moment for you & dh. Remind her that she'll be at the next one with you.

I didnt want anyone apart from dh at mine. My mum came to an extra scan and was surprised i asked her, but she was happy to help as dh was working.

I would tell her, shes not daff she should know about adult relationships. Explain why to her and tell her it would be great to have her at your 20 weeks scan.

My hospital will not let more than 1 person in with you, which is very sad

Good luck with mum and scan today.
lisa

Where i am it's only two people allowed in the room so she may well not be allowed in anyway.

My letter said you are allowed ONE adult in the room with you - if yours is maybe the same then you have a valid reason for saying no!