Would you tell colleagues before 12 weeks?

[Shahlalala]

I’m tempted to let colleagues know I’m pregnant and have dreadful morning sickness. I have huge guilt about the time off (over a week now) and feel I should explain.
My boss knows from the sick notes and I wanted him to know I wasn’t just calling in sick.
Not 12 weeks until next week and the scan is a week after that.
Would you tell them? We are only a team of 6 so my being off is noticed.

Congratulations on your pregnancy
When I was about 7 weeks and experiencing awful nausea I told my boss because I looked awful and constantly like I’d got a raging hangover!! I told another colleague I get on with really well (as I’d had to cancel something I was doing with her because I’d been sick on myself on my way to meet her - oh the joy!). Aside from that I kept it to myself until 12 weeks but I work in an office with 50+ people. In a smaller team, I’d say it’s fine to let your colleagues know if you get on with everyone well and feel you’d value their support if something were to happen. I’m sure they’ll be understanding whatever you choose to do

It’s completely up to you. I personally told two or three colleagues as well as my boss, but not the whole team until after the 12 week scan. I wanted those I was closest to to know as I really was coming into work looking dreadful and arriving later than usual so they knew something was up. I figured that if anything bad were to happen at the start of the pregnancy then I would have chosen to confide in them anyway so saw no problem with them knowing x

I may have told my boss at 6weeks as she wanted me to travel to a meeting I didn't want to go to.
I didn't tell my colleagues until 12weeks though

I think I might let them know.
They are a supportive bunch and keep asking if I’m ok, I think they assume there is some awful secret illness. I do look awful at current, vanish for chunks of time and have been off.
I didn’t have any of this with DD, real shock to me.

Just feel so guilty about the time off, I even considered resigning or reducing hours which I know is ludicrous really.

How old is your first child? They have probably guessed, as there is a certain expectation if you already have one!

I would have told my colleagues, my reasoning was if anything went wrong I would have needed time off for that as well, and I know they would be supportive.

Fortunately I didn’t have much time off, and it never seemed like the right time to bring it up, so I didn’t say anything until I was about 14 weeks.

I haven’t announced it to everyone in the wider team yet but I am pretty sure some people have guessed from the way they have been looking at me and commenting on my clothes!

Would you want them to know if you had a miscarriage?

I told some of my closer work colleagues as was having issues with the pregnancy and also because I suffered from a massive bleed at work so needed help when I was at work. It was nice to be able to speak about it a d they were really happy for me

I had hyperemisis from week 6 onwards so told my immediate team as I was off for a while.

It’s 100% up to you and depends a lot on your relationship with your boss and your colleagues. I waited until 12 weeks but it was a real struggle (because like you I felt so sick!), and it was over the Christmas period so I think a lot of people guessed anyway.

I think the upside of telling them is that people then understand why you aren’t feeling 100%, why you’re skipping drinks, and it’s easy to take time off for appointments etc. Plus, it stops people speculating.

The downside is that if something happens (and we all known the stats during he first trimester) you will have to tell them. But I used to work with a women who told everyone when she was about 5 weeks, and when I asked her why she’d decided to share so early, she said ‘because if I lose his baby, I’m going to be so devastated that you’ll all know anyway.’ (She had a healthy pregnancy btw!)

Within my team I wouldn’t mind them knowing if I miscarried no. I don’t entirely get not telling people for that reason, I would want support. That’s why I told family fairly early, I needed support whatever happens.
I’m 11 weeks now, which I know isn’t the usual time, but it’s pretty close to the 12 week mark.

I felt like you, didn’t miss much work but really felt I wasn’t pulling my weight and was miserable and was so worried what colleagues thought. I told my boss at 11 weeks so I wouldn’t have to lie about the time off I needed for the 12 week scan on top of feeling like he must have thought I was slacking. He was really nice about it and didn’t tell anyone else until after I had the scan and was happy for other colleagues to know. And it was such a relief to finally tell them all and they’ve all been so lovely.

So it’s up to you, another week isn’t going to make much difference now so you could hold off and they’ll all understand once they know.

I told 1 of my colleagues but it was just the 2 of us on a night shift and the was a chance I might need her to do something I was no longer able to but otherwise no. However I felt fine with no sickness etc

First time round I had no symptoms until 16 weeks or so when the bump popped out, so it was fairly easy to keep quiet. Not so easy when vomiting....

I work in small team of 9 and told them at 7 weeks due to the sickness. (I had had an early scan as well, so things looked positive).
The way I looked at it, I would have also needed time off if anything bad happened and I wouldn't have minded them knowing so was happy to tell them early.

Most of my colleagues know, I’m around 7/8 weeks now and they were told at 5 weeks. Just because of the severe morning sickness, I’ve had to spend a lot of time away from helping and a lot of time off sick already so it was pretty obvious pretty quick!

Quite a few of my colleagues know, because I work in a high risk environment, and wasn’t pulling my weight with manual handling! I think those that I haven’t told have already guessed, but it’s totally up to each person and how they’re feeling. I’m 8 weeks but have had an early scan which showed a strong hb.

It’s such an individualised thing - you sound like you get on with your colleagues and are confident they’d be supportive whatever happens.

I’m not going to tell one of my colleagues until there is absolutely no option, even though we actually work closely together; as I know she will tell the entire company, plus everyone she knows outside of work (even if they don’t know me!). If the worst happened, again I know she’d tell the whole world as she’s one of those people who makes every tragedy about her.

On the other hand, I’d be happy to tell my current line manager much sooner, as I know she’d be a brilliant support and keep it to herself!

I'm a FTM and after 18 months of TTC I was so scared it would all go wrong I found out at 7 weeks so I told HR and my boss but that was it. I told my team after I had the 12 week scan although alot of them did ask me or had an idea because I had just randomly stopped smoking and was having a lot more fruit at my desk.

Once I told them all, they were all really happy for me and totally understood why I didn't say anything sooner

I didn’t tell a soul with my last pregnancy until after the first scan due to previous missed miscarriages discovered at the first scan. As a general rule I would only tell people you would also feel comfortable telling if something goes wrong.

I told my manager very soon after I found out I was pregnant with DD1. We were having fertility treatment and she knew about it. I’ve got PCOS so higher chance of miscarriage. She was brilliant and really supportive.

I wish I hadn't told anyone. I was older at 44 but was carefree and didn' think anything would go wrong. It did. And I had to terminate for disability. And everyone knew . I wish I'd been more private because I was judged and then no one knew what to do or say when I went back 3 months later. If I were ever lucky enough to get pg again I'd be more guarded.

I told no one at work apart from my line manager, who needed to put wheels in motion to hire maternity cover, until I think 18 weeks. Close friends guessed, as I had horrific morning sickness (used to go and vomit in the loos in another department which happened to have almost no women, so the loos were almost always deserted) and had to go to some extra appointments for complications, but were tactful enough to not say anything and not gossip.

I certainly wouldn't feel guilted into telling anyone to 'explain' illness.

Thanks for all the messages everyone. Just been signed off for another week, but hoping I’ll get back before that.
I’m so sorry rytonsister, it must of been so hard and truly awful.

Unfortunately it’s an open plan office and we are phone based in HR so rarely away from our desks, it’s very noticeable when I try to sneak away.