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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Boyfriend going out while I'm 37 weeks pregnant

24 replies

Emy97 · 23/01/2019 14:38

Am I horrible for going in a mood with my boyfriend for him going out drinking?
I'm in the last month of pregnancy and I feel no support from him, it's like hes distanced himself from me. our child could come at any point and he just doesn't seem to care, we live in separate houses and he hasn't even bought the stuff needed for his house so that our child can stay there instead hes going out drinking?
Am I wrong for getting annoyed and wanting him to be more responsible and buy the stuff he needs instead of wasting money on drink and spend a little time with me while we still can

OP posts:

HenweeArcher · 23/01/2019 14:41

If you don’t live together, would he usually be with you of an evening? If not, i can’t really see why it makes much difference if he’s out or not. However... he doesn’t live with you and isn’t prepared for the baby. Does he actually want to be in a relationship or step up to being a father? I’d be prepared for him to jump ship as soon as he can tbh.

Original poster

Emy97 · 23/01/2019 15:38

Yes he would usually be with me in the evening or I would be at his house , he says he wants to be in a relationship with me and wants to be a father but he just doesn't seem to understand that there isnt long left and he still doesn't have the stuff he needs. I personally dont think us having a child has hit him yet but he just doesn't speak to me so I dont know what's going on in his head

OP posts:

endofthelinefinally · 23/01/2019 15:43

He doesn't sound like a person who wants a relationship, let alone a child.
Did he seem positive and committed when you planned to have a baby?
Has anything happened to change his mind?

Original poster

Emy97 · 23/01/2019 16:12

Weve been together 3 years but didnt plan to have a baby until we had both finished uni, and it happened due to a drunken night, when I first told him I was pregnant, he just sat down and said ok and hasn't said much since, hes always wanted kids and he seems happy cause hes a having a little boy but he just hasn't spoke about it or said much about whats happening, everytime I ask I just get the reply I'm chill about everything, and nothings really changed I dony think

OP posts:

LovingLola · 23/01/2019 16:19

Hopefully when the baby arrives he will change
Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t

CatToddlerUprising · 23/01/2019 16:23

How comes you’re in separate houses? Does that mean when baby is here you will be effectively a single parent and he’ll float in and out when he wants?

Flamingosnbears · 23/01/2019 16:26

He'll probably be relying on you to get the stuff and sort things... I think you need to have a chat with him and tell him your concerns this should tell you wether he's the type of guy who's going to step up or as other ppl have said jump ship, better now than after birth. Good luck

sirmione16 · 23/01/2019 16:31

The issues you have as a couple need addressing separately to that of him going out one night and you're pregnant.

Practically, and totally in regard to that scenario alone I feel you're being unreasonable asking him to stay in. I'm 39+6 tomorrow, throughout pregnancy my fiancé has been on standby of course but it's never hindered him. He still is playing football out tonight and I'm literally due tomorrow! As long as he's sensible, doesn't drink if he'd need to drive you to the hospital etc then don't claw and scratch to keep him at home for the next 3-5 weeks.

Same for you - you sound like you're a little overwhelmed as things are getting close, and worrying about what's done/not done or prepared etc, when in reality what will be will be. I know it sounds soft advice but do relax, work as a team in this - it's give and take.

Original poster

Emy97 · 23/01/2019 16:43

Where in separate houses as we still live with our parents, I do wanna move in with him but he doesn't want to move in till after we finish university. That's the thing though hes on about going out and getting drunk and he barley answers his phone as it is so if I needed him he wouldnt answer. I've tried speaking to him he just doesn't listen that's one of our problems we dont communicate enough but it's hard when he doesn't open up or talk to me. I think I'm just scared at the fact I will be leaving a baby with him when he hasn't bought the stuff needed for his house

OP posts:

choli · 23/01/2019 16:55

Maybe he is deliberately not buying baby equipment because he does not want you leaving the baby with him.

He does not sound very enthusiastic about parenthood. I think you should prepare yourself to go it alone.

Darkstar4855 · 23/01/2019 17:04

I would not be leaving a baby with someone who drinks heavily and doesn’t answer his phone .

Do you really need two lots of stuff? Why can’t the baby just stay with you and he come over when he wants to spend time with him/her?

Parky04 · 23/01/2019 17:06

Oh dear I feel this isn't going to end well. I think you will have to face up to the fact that you will be bringing this child up alone.

CountessVonBoobs · 23/01/2019 17:26

He doesn't really sound like he wants to be your boyfriend and he definitely doesn't sound like he has any intention of being a dad, sorry.

I would have your parents drive you to the hospital when you go into labour and I would definitely not be leaving him to look after the baby. I very much doubt he wants to anyway.

CatToddlerUprising · 23/01/2019 17:33

I don’t think finishing uni is the real reason he doesn’t want you living together. Once you finish uni it’ll be- ‘but we can save money if we live at home separately’, once working- ‘let’s still live separately until we’ve saved enough to rent’, then ‘but baby is so settled at your parents, I don’t want to uproot them’.

Gazelda · 23/01/2019 17:41

He doesn't sound terribly committed to me.

Having said that, I don't think it's unreasonable that he's still going out, if he's also spending time with you.
And I'm not sure what sort of stuff you think he needs at his house? Surely the baby will spend most of the time at yours and if you go over to BF's house you'll take changing bag etc with you?

kmreeve · 23/01/2019 18:24

Op.. if you read your own comments back to yourself I think you'll find your answers!

Walk away now and plan for you and your baby without him.

Best of luck, but be strong.. you don't need a man for this!!!

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2019 18:29

Op how old are you both, nineteen, twenty?

Are his parents happy to have thr baby stay at his house? Has even he agreed to have the baby? What is it your expecting here?

I don't actually see him having a night out as an issue this far before your due date, it's not like you're alone, so I suspect your issue is more about his lack of commitment.

pandechocolate · 23/01/2019 18:29

Sorry OP but from what you have said, he doesn't sound like he is quite ready to be a Dad.

If this is just about him going out drinking, then no I wouldn't be annoyed with him going out. However, I imagine his going out drinking/not answering his phone and some men's going out for a beer and a game of pool might be a bit different. I won't ask my husband not to go to the gym etc when I'm further on. But it doesn't sound like this is just about tonight.

foreverthe2ww2 · 23/01/2019 18:50

you sound like you would really like to talk to him and he sounds like he doesnt want to talk at all on the subject .. maybe he is doubting himself and is scared and has pressure from friends also, no doubt they make him feel as though he might be missing out by having a family which will be adding to his fears. maybe its worth expressing yourself privately to his mum to allow for her to get some sort of productive communication going between you both. he may listen to his mum and then it may open the door to sorting things out either way x

choli · 23/01/2019 21:01

Does his family even know you're pregnant?

sirmione16 · 23/01/2019 22:13

es on about going out and getting drunk and he barley answers his phone as it is so if I needed him he wouldnt answer.

This is not good at all. He's not committed to you or to the baby if this is his attitude. Sorry, Op don't rely on him and start ensuring YOU are mentally and practically prepared.

Justus22 · 24/01/2019 12:07

I understand why you feel like that, I don't think him going out on the odd night out is a big deal but if he's not providing for his baby this is not on. The lack of communication is hard, so try to explain you need him to open up a bit more and how you're feeling. It sounds like you're happy with the living arrangements so that's OK but it might he harder when baby comes to make your way as a family unit without your own space but that's not something you need to give immediate attention to so in terms of what he needs to prepare for baby you can take what you need with you when you go to his place. I wouldn't write him off just yet, written down he sounds like he's unsupportive, unprepared and hasn't given you and baby enough thought but things change a lot when you become a parent. I'm not saying he will definitely step up and be partner and Dad of the year, but he might. That love and bond most of us get when we meet our babies is very powerful, my husband (then boyfriend) was 22 when we had our first and he chose a 4 hour daily commute and paid extra in travel costs just to come home to us every night rather than work away four days a week. Working away was the initial plan so we'd have more money, and he didn't bargain for not wanting to miss us so much. We too had a rocky start to our pregnancy at that time, my friends had written him off by 4 months but now we all laugh at how much of a family man he turned into almost over night. Anyway, I think you should get yourself sorted, focus on you and baby and open up to him and try and include him as much as you can, you'll soon know if he's going to step up or not. Take care of you. X

ReginaPhalange89 · 24/01/2019 15:50

I hope you're ok, OP.

I'm not sure how old both are but it doesn't sound like he's very mature or ready for this. He sounds very like my eldests dad, we moved in when I found out I was pregnant and he was the same , didn't take any notice of what was going on, no effort in picking things for the baby etc. I was unhappy before she was born but stuck it out thinking it'd change. It didn't ... He continued to go out 4/5 times a week after work (not always drinking, but basically anywhere that wasn't at home with us). In the end I moved back in with my parents when she was about 6 weeks old . I stayed way longer than I should have .

I hope he steps up !

explodingkitten · 24/01/2019 15:58

Stop listening to what he says and look at his actions. Words mean nothing, cost nothing. Are his actions one of a father-to-be? Has he made a plan to pay half of the costs of his son? Did he make a plan how and when to become a family? Does he care for you as his pregnant partner? Has he read about taking care of a baby, safety measures etc? What is his plan regarding the birth? How much child care will he do when the baby is here?

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