Am i crazy to want a baby at 46?

[rayclaire]

This is my first post here. I am 46, I have been with my partner for 3 years, we have got 5 children between us. We would both like another baby (our first together). We are both the same age, and in good health. Has anyone else here had a baby, or wants to have a baby at 46 (or older)? It feels like I am the only one in the world who would want a baby in their mid 40s. I want a baby, but I am also scared about possible complications. I am still ovulating, so I think it is still physically possible. Sorry if I sound naïve. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Rachael.

My mother had her last baby at 46 and it was a fairly straightforward pregnancy. If you both want one and are aware of the demands of having children, then why not go ahead and try?

What impact would it have on your existing 5 DC?

You have nothing to lose by trying if it is what you really want.
I also seem to have an overabundance of maternal instinct! I am mid 50s with a 4 yr old though he is adopted.
Whilst most people are enjoying their freedom I am relishing having another little one around !

Thank you for your replies.
The reason we haven't started trying is we are both concerned that something will go wrong with the baby/birth.
It wouldn't have much of an impact because we only have 2 of the 5 DCs living with us. Two are from my partners previous marriage and they live with their mother. We have them on alternate weekends. The eldest is 16 and lives with his father and we see him when he wants something like money or a lift somewhere.

Why not stop using contraception & see what happens?

My concern would be that your chance of conceiving naturally at 46 has to be fairly low and by setting your heart on another baby now you could be opening yourself up for a lot of disappointment, stress & heartbreak.

From a practical point of view, I’m fitter & healthier now at 43 than I was 20 years ago. Much more capable, both mentally and physically, of keeping up with a small child. If you are both the same then I’m sure you will manage just fine.

not crazy at all :) there is no wrong or right way to live ultimately. I would say go for it but dont focus on it .. take a relaxed approach and see what happens, .. the fact your body is still actively ovulating would suggest your body can still go through the process of a healthy pregnancy.

I had a child at 18 and now im 34 im having another, .. i feel way more ready mentally now then when i was younger, .. i think being older is beneficial to the children if we are physically healthy because we have so much more to offer mentally, we have a better understanding of the world and ourselves.

go forth to the bedroom and get to dtd haha x

I wouldn't because to wouldn't want a 13 year old at 60. We had a friend at school who's dad was quite a bit older, people would mistake his for her papa all the time at she would get so embarrassed.

A friend of mine did and she's 20 years older than me, no one would think she's a grandma, I can't see even at 60 she'll look like one tbh. She's 3 years younger than my mum and I don't think of her even as an old parent. I'm the 4th youngest parent in my youngests reception class, loads are 40 plus. You know how you feel and Id go for it if you've a loving, happy, financially stable home to offer why not. Also re the age thing... Jennifer Lopez is nearly 50, that's what I remind myself when I think I'm too old for anything... In this day and age if you are healthy and fit it really is just a number.x

I wouldn't want to start again at the baby stage if I already had older children.

I gave birth a week before I turned 46 but they were my first.
Five kids between you is a lot, you have a lot to concentrate on already.

Think Id want to concentrate on improving my relationship with the 16 year old tbh

@anotherwearytraveller you have no idea of the circumstances surrounding why her 16 year old lives with his Father and plenty of 16 year olds treat their parents as taxi drivers/cash points... I adore my parents but at 16 I'm pretty sure I was always wanting to be out with my friends and I'm equally close to my mum and dad. Anyway, no need to be so catty.

@rayclaire, I am just 47. DH and I met almost 5 years ago. Decided within 6 months we wanted to have a baby together - DH has 2 adult children I have none. 6 months later we were referred for investigations into unexplained infertility which showed nothing obvious apart from som anovulatory months and a low AMH level consistent with being 42.

Upshot was, we were recommended to have ivf with donor eggs as unlikely to conceive naturally. 3 years after first trying to conceive we had our first, unsuccessful, cycle of ivf and; we are currently taking in the news that we have succeeded with our second cycle!!

Nothing wrong with trying and perhaps having a fertility work up to see if you’re likely to have any chance of success.

I had my first at 45. He's 8 months old now and all is well. I have absolutely no regrets.

I was a bit worried that I wouldn't have the energy or stamina but it's working out fine. I mean I'm tired and sleep deprived and still adjusting to my new life but seem to be coping on a similar level to other, younger, Mums so far. At least you know what you're letting yourself in for!

I understand your worries about something being wrong with the baby though. It is a higher risk with us geriatric mothers and is one of the main reasons I'm cautious about trying for a second.

Sorry, just reread and saw that you said you are concerned about complications, not necessarily problems with the baby.

We’re about to try for our 3rd and I’m 46! We’re doing IVF though, which we also did for our 2nd. I have a good AMH for my age, over 10, but my fertility expert has advised me that the issue will be the age of my eggs not the number. He has never had a successful IVF at my age, so we’re going to use donor eggs rather than go through all the hard work and cost of IVF only for it to fail. The worry I would have conceiving naturally would be Downs or a late miscarriage. If things go wrong when you’re our age, the time pressure is so much more. Maybe seek some professional advice, from a fertility specialist? However you decide to do it I think go for it! Having a baby at 46? So normal these days! If you feel young enough to do it, then you can do it.

OP is now 49 so probably has decided one way or the other.

Good luck with your own IVF though. Fingers crossed.