Pregnant at uni and not yet told partner

[Lizzie334]

Hello everybody. I was wondering if you could all help me. I am 9 weeks pregnant and I found out on Christmas Day. I have not told anybody not even my partner. I am currently completing a two year fast track degree and am in my second semester so I have another 18ish months yet until I complete. My due date is the 1st September so depending on wether or not I am overdue I will have around 3-5 weeks off from uni. I am 24 years old and I gave up a very well paying job to do my degree. I’ve let my parents down a lot in the past so they didn’t think I would complete my access course let alone start my degree which is understandable. I am scared to tell anybody because I’m so scared I’m going to fail that I can’t deal with any negativity surrounding it all. The questions of ‘how will You manage doing level 6 work with a newborn’ ‘how will you afford it all’ ‘are you going to move out’ etc because I don’t know. I really want to finish my degree and my partner is very supportive but he seeks my approval and my opinion with everything which is nice but in times of crisis I wish he would be stronger rather than offloading his worries onto me. Sorry about this long post but can anybody help? How do I tell him and everybody else and get stronger to deal with any potential questions I don’t want to face. And is it a viable option to only have three weeks off before returning to study? Sorry again for the long post xxx

Maybe ask the uni if you can defer the last year, and take the year off to bond with dc? I certainly don't think 3 weeks is enough. You don't know how well the birth is going to go, whether either you or dc will be ill, and there's the lack of sleep, maybe trying to establish bf, trying to put together some sort of routine...

Talk to your uni, they are amazing at supporting usually. I discovered I was PG in a similar position to you (apart from I had only been dating the baby's dad for past couple months, he is now by DH). Uni were great with advice and support. They will give you time off and extend your deadlines without it affecting your grade.

As for the negativity, it is tough to deal with at first. But I found saying "well I cannot undo what has happened so let's move forward with positivity rather than negativity as that wont help anyone!"

Not continuing with the pregnancy is an option that you have.

I don’t think anywould would manage with a three old baby and doing a full time course. I was unusual and ended up back in hospital and DD was nearly two weeks old when we left hospital.

If you have a c section then that is major surgery which you would expect to have 6 to 8 week off work if you heeled well and had lots of sleep. That won’t happen with a new born.

I was due to start my degree a week after my due date with DC1... my uni were not very supportive and would not let me defer (which is unusual) so I gave birth to my DD and started the course 1 week later, still with stitches and bleeding. It was the hardest year of my life but I did it and qualified as a teacher. I then completed my probation with a 1 year old, which was even harder.
I found a childminder willing to take my DD from 1 week old and she was there full time. I was 23 at the time but did have a DH (but he worked away half the year)
You have lots of options so I would talk to the uni and see what they say, you might be surprised at what they can offer you. Good luck x

Go talk to a uni mentor /counsellor first and find your options out then you will be in a much better position to know how you want to deal with this. It’s doable but hard work. However there may be benefits not open to others such as housing etc with a baby so worth investigating details before you make any decisions or tell friends and family. I would tell DP for support but that’s up to you and remember it’s your body and your decision. We’re due the same date btw! Working out how to tell my mum too but I’m a lot older. She still won’t approve 😂😂

Is there a student support/counselling service you can talk to who can give you factual information which might help? Eg deferring your course/uni childcare facilities/benefits/relationship advice?