Second labour

[bennye]

Hi all,
Just looking for some advice I guess.
I had a fairly traumatic first birth 2.5 years ago and me and my OH really want another but I'm petrified of having another awful birth. My first included back to back baby, an epidural (which made me faint and lowered mine and baby's heart rate) I wasn't allowed to push for 12 hours despite being at 10cm, pushed for an hour, forceps and being cut which caught a vein and I lost a lot of blood, the epidural traveled and numbed me from my arms down (anaesthetist from A&E came to see when I complained of struggle breathing and said the epidural had in fact travelled and was making it hard for me to breath as I was numb) and during all this I had the biggest panic attack of my life. Not the worst delivery but pretty scary. Soooo yeah pretty scared of doing it all again which breaks my heart as I want another so badly. Any advice on how to overcome this overwhelming fear of it all going wrong (to the point I've started having dreams of dying during childbirth 😫)
Sorry for the long post.
Thank you x

I’m currently 40+1 with my second.

First is 15 and I honestly thought I’d never do this again as my first birth was horrendous.

However I feel quite positive about this one. I bought the positive birth company digital pack and it’s totally changed how I feel about childbirth.

I think you can ask to meet with a midwife to go over the notes/labour and delivery and answer questions, like a debrief. I found it very useful after my first labour, but mine was done prior to discharge and also wasn’t anywhere near as traumatic as yours.

A friend had a pretty awful first labour and four years later had a wonderful home birth. She had a doula.

My sister had a back to back first labour, forceps and a tear. Her second labour was normal and fast.

Another friend had a horrible first labour and chose to have a planned c section for her second.

It’s only my experience of friends and family, so hardly scientific, but of my F&F who have had complicated first labours, none of them went on to have a bad experience with their second labours. Hope that offers a little comfort.

Thank you so much ladies ❤️ I really appreciate you replying. I'll defo be looking to see if I can meet with a midwife to go over what happened.

I had an awful first labour. Very traumatic, forceps, long second stage 21hours total, 4hr second stage) baby stuck, awful midwife and support generally and resulted in pelvic floor damage and incontinence, PTSD and PND

I opted for a section this time but went in to labour early with a breech baby. Went in to labour before section date- 5 hours from waters breaking to fully dilated (only 2.5 hours of contractions) before c section. It was touch and go as to whether I'd get to theatre in time (they'd not examined me earlier and when they did there was a foot out!) But we made it. Was a great experience, really healing but particularly due to the quality and support of the midwives and doctors. I was terrified until I went in to labour, they were so supportive and reassuring.

As bizarre as it sounds, after a 36 hour labour with my first, no sleep, epidural that didn't work, 30 mins in stirrups, ffs, and a threat of Caesarian, my second birth was 'almost' enjoyable. 7cm by the time I got to the labour ward, too late for any other drugs etc. And four hours after arriving he was born.

Yes I puked after being given toast after he was born, as my throat was ragged with all the gas and air, but wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Don't be scared. Your body knows what to do x

My first labour was difficult - definitely not as bad as yours but an induction resulting in a failed ventouse & eventual forceps delivery, a very battered & bruised baby & a 3rd degree tear. I distinctly remember saying to my husband afterwards that there was no way I could ever contemplate another baby unless I could have a c section as I couldn’t go through that again.

Fast forward 2 years & the birth of our now 2 week old baby girl could not have been a more different experience. Contractions started at 10.30pm but were manageable until about 7am. Went to hospital & already 5cm, got in the birthing pool & she was born in the water at 4.15pm after 30 minutes of pushing. Small tear but nothing like last time. I was really worried that it would be another difficult birth but it was the absolute opposite.

Just wanted to show that each birth is different & one bad experience doesn’t mean the next one will be. I’d definitely advise asking to go over your last birth with someone, it may help if you understand what made it turn out the way it did. I felt much more in control this time & had the confidence to trust that my body knew what to do.

Good luck!