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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant after Stillbirth - Hard to get too excited,,,,

12 replies

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 30/06/2007 22:25

I have not posted on here for ages and feel nervous about posting now as it kinda means I am getting excited about pregnancy...

I lost a little girl in April 2005 at 25 weeks pregnant. They never found a reason it just happened.Its taken from then until now to get pregnant again (though i had m/c at 5 weeks last Oct)and I am now 18 weeks and they say all is well.

Thing is until I get past 25 weeks I cant see that its going to be any different and even then I will still be nervous until I have a live baby in my arms at the final goal post which at the moment seems AGES away!!

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Stargazing · 30/06/2007 22:48

Congratulations on your pregnancy Chocolate. I just wanted to say that I think I know how you are feeling. I lost a little girl in April 2005 as well - on the 16th - at 19 weeks and 2 days. Slightly different circumstances from you but a traumatic loss that sent me into the depths of despair for many months to follow, nonetheless. I am so sorry for your experience. I fell pregnant again later that year and gave birth to a healthy dd last August. It was so hard to relax and enjoy the pregnancy and I remember the sense of achievement that I felt when I reached 19w3d - it was the 'most pregnant I had ever been" and such a milestone. My anxiety diminished over the remaining 20 weeks but never went away fully. She is the most precious gift, all the more so because of the loss of her big sister.
I am now 16 weeks pregnant again and although I thought that, with one successful pregnancy under my belt so to speak, I would feel relaxed and confident this time, the truth is that I am still plagued by anxiety and counting down the days to that magical 19w3d. I think once you've experienced a loss like that, it's with you forever - you never 'get over it' you just learn to live with it. To be honest, even after my dd was born I was nervy - I used to clap my hands over her while she slept to make her startle in her sleep - just so I'd know she was still breathing!! I still check on probably more than I need to.
Only 7 weeks to go until you get to 25 and then the time will fly and you will be holding your baby at the end of November. Hang in there, you're very brave. Just wanted to let you know that I can relate and am thinking of you
xx

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 30/06/2007 22:50

Thanks stargazing, for your kind words and sharing your story.Good luck to you too
x

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PurpleLostPrincess · 01/07/2007 00:35

Chocolatepeanut, I just wanted to extend a big hug to you. I haven't been through the same as you but I was with my SIL when she had to give birth at 22weeks. I was the only one to see him when it happened and I feel a strong bond with her because of that. The anniversary was just a couple of days ago and I went up to see him as I do every six months.

Since then, she has gone on to have two lovely little boys now aged 4yrs and 3 months. In those years, I have had 2 m/c's myself at 10 weeks - I am now 28 wks pg.

As sisters, we have supported each other through every step of the way and understand each other so well. She has been an amazing support and it has been so reassuring to know that she understands and vice versa. Also, I personally have found the 'pg after m/c' thread on here very helpful and very real. Come and join us (if you haven't already) and share each days ups and downs. We haven't got a magic wand but just supporting each other and getting stuff off your chest can help...

((hugs))

Uki · 01/07/2007 07:55

Hi ChocPeanut

You have done so well to get down that hard road of loss, grief and worry.

You will make it and it will be a beautiful and dear baby. It is natural to be nervous and even not be too excited (a protection mechanism) I have done that myself many times. I hope you can enjoy the pg now you have passed the first milestone

CONGRATULATIONS I am soo happy for you and I hope time flys

daisyboo · 01/07/2007 08:10

Just saw this and wanted to say congratulations on your pg, and that I'm so so sorry for your loss. I've never experienced what you have but have had two miscarriages, the grief from which must pale by comparison to a stillbirth. These next few weeks will be tough for you, but keep talking on here and we'll try to get you through the down days. Purple mentioned the pg after mc thread, so i've added a link here. It got me through my pregnancy after my two mcs and i now have a beautiful daughter.

Take care of yourself and wishing you all the best xx

jabuti · 01/07/2007 18:59

hi chocolatepeanut, i remember you from last year. we too lost our baby, when i was 30 weeks. i am now 35 + 4 and it hasnt been an easy ride. up & down with my emotions, anxiety and insecurities. when i was about to complete 30 weeks i got so nervous that i called my grief counsellor from last year and went in for a session. it was great, she helped me through that week and i was able to vent everything i was feeling since the begining of this pregnancy. i felt relieved.

my partner has been amazing too, he is much more confident than me so he is able to give me a lot of support on the days im feeling insecure. however, i do give him a lot of stress sometimes.

i believe life only gives us what we can handle, and if thats how i had to live this experience, i best surrender.

after the 30 week mark, i did get more and more excited about this baby. once in a while i get imsomnia because im so excited about it. and sometimes i still get insecure, but in a lesser degree.

today, 1st of july, we had our antenatal crash course and it was wonderful. i kept picturing myself in the labour ward holding our healthy baby in few weeks time.

i think as long as you can cope with your emotions, whether they are negative or positive, you will progress during your pregnancy towards the good ones and not let only the negative ones to dominate you. you will change throughout the next weeks, you will see. and lets face it, who is absolutely secure and tranquil about having a baby?

Popi70 · 01/07/2007 21:37

I am so glad someone started this thread. I too lost my twins at 25 weeks (placenta abruption/premature birth) and despite being pregnant again at 14 weeks both partner and I do not even want to plan anything or think ahead.

We are both scared as we have only held two dead babies and these moments, both precious and sad, haunt our memories and make it impossible to imagine other people's normality: holding a living baby.

I went to mothercare the other day to buy some pregnancy clothes and saw other pregnant women buying baby stuff. The store magazine encouraged mums-to-be to buy a special gift for their baby and a whole list of consumer goods well ahead of time.

We haven't bought anything for this baby because one of the hardest things is to come back from the hospital with empty arms and a baby room to remind you what you've lost.

jabuti · 01/07/2007 21:46

hi popi, i share the same feelings.

we didnt buy anything until recently. we just couldnt deal with the idea of preparing ourselves in case something went wrong... but this feeling was overcome by the waves of excitement. and the closer the due date approaches, the bigger is the need of making our nest for the baby.

i hope all goes well for you and you both can enjoy your pregnancy!

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 01/07/2007 21:50

Popi70
So sad to hear of your loss. I was came home with empty arms but was so lucky that my dd who was 15 mths at time was waiting for me with open arms.

I can relate to your Mothercare story as I was in yesterday buying some work clothes and underwear for dd. Some of the baby stuff was in sale and I was halfway to till with a newborn outfit but then panicked and took it back as I thought I would 'jinx' the whole thing.

And yes every experience (scans, appts) are all spoilt by bad memories. I wonder if I do make it and give birth to a live baby will it make things right and soften some of the terrible memories I have?

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Popi70 · 01/07/2007 23:52

CHOCHOLATEPEANUT,

I am wondering the same thing. Let us know when the time comes for you and your baby

Kaloo20 · 02/07/2007 00:03

CP
Make an appointment with GP tomorrow and ask for referral to a consultant for additional monitoring as you have a high risk pregnancy, I am sure you are entitled to it. After very similar loss at 24+3 I was offered this and also given high dose antibiotics as a precaution between 18 & 32 weeks, every other week. Didn't see midwife until in labour.

This may ease your worry and give you more focus on your goal. Also try to keep you stress down. I cancelled several engagements up until 34 weeks to ensure I had no stress, ate healthily and had relaxing evenings. I did carry on working full time as I believe sitting around doing nothing actually does you no good mentally !

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 02/07/2007 16:39

I was told ny cons at 12 week appt that they would not give me a scan between 12 and 20 as even if they found something, given the early stages there would be nothing they could do about it.

They said I will have scan at 20 (2 weeks) 24,28,32 and 36.I lost baby at 25 last time.

Im 18 now. Felt awful today all day at work (just sicky and off) and start to imagine something wrong.Baby not kicked yet though I do have a layer of fat from previous pregnancies.But better to be at work and taking mind off things a little

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