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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

I really need someone to talk to :(

8 replies

Beautifulmess89 · 19/01/2019 08:15

Hi all!

I hope your all doing well... I’m so lost :( me and my partner have been unprotected for a few months and I’m pregnant... only just though! I’m around 5 weeks pregnant and he has decided he doesn’t want the baby! At first he wasn’t happy that I took the test without him and I told him while he was in work that I was pregnant! A few days later he approached me and said that he thinks we should keep the baby! He explained that he hasn’t ever had the chance to be a proper father due to 2 failed relationships and he knows that with me, he will get that chance, he is in love with me and that nothing will come between us and that he was happy, regardless and he promises me that! I have 2 children of my own and so does he! I reassured him that everything will be ok, we are a team and we are in this together. He agreed. Anyway... everything was ok for a few days... he was saying how much he wanted a girl but as long as the baby is healthy he doesn’t mind and asking would I give the baby his name which I agreed to! He was asking me would I breastfeed and so on. A few days later we had an argument and it all came out... he doesn’t want the baby, he is so unhappy and my mood swings due to they pregnancy hasn’t helped. He said that everyone has noticed how unhappy he is and he isn’t putting himself through it anymore! Ive done nothing to make him unhappy! He said he feels trapped! I was so upset that I literally begged him not to go and to stay! He told me his mind is made up, I sound so desperate and weak and to leave the house! This was all via text! He came home from work, we spoke and his said that he wasn’t ready to settle down. Within the space of half an hour he went from thinking he wasn’t ready to settle down to not knowing if he wants to continue the relationship to wanting the continue to but the bickering has to stop! I agreed it does as it really does! But he doesn’t want the baby! He isn’t ready to bring another child into the world and he doesn’t want the stress of it all! He said we have 4 between us and that’s enough! I asked would he leave if I continued the pregnancy and he said he probably would :( I understand he doesn’t want the baby but it wasn’t that long ago before we went unprotected that he said he would have a child with me tomorrow! I really don’t understand it all... the whole situation has made me feel so numb and empty! I told him I wasn’t going to continue the pregnancy due to the fact that I really do love him and I can’t bring another child into the world and support the child on my own! 3 children, working on a zero hour part time contract just doesn’t mix! I’m able to support my 2 children now without help, however, i really do think I’ll struggle with a 3rd and mentally struggle also! I feel as though he really doesn’t love me, although he says he does! He said that since I’ve been pregnant his love for me isn’t as strong but he still does love me. He isn’t going anywhere unless we start falling out again! I really can’t cope!!! :(

OP posts:
GabbyGal · 19/01/2019 08:32

Oh my god what a nasty manipulative arsehole.

First of all, you’ve been having unprotected sex for months so pregnancy was a highly likely outcome that you were both aware of. Was it his idea to go unprotected by any chance?

Now that’s you’re pregnant he wants you to terminate and threatens to leave if you don’t. One minute he loves you the next he doesn’t.

This is reproductive coercion OP, it’s a form of abuse. Regardless of what decision you make regarding your pregnancy, you need to leave this man.

You’ve raised two children and can support them on your own. You’re strong, you can do this.

Beautifulmess89 · 19/01/2019 08:52

It was both of our decisions. We both know that pregnancy was highly likely. His ex partner left him when their child was born, so, I understand that he’s worried that may happen again, however, I have reassured him that it won’t! I asked why he said we could continue the pregnancy and he said that we could see how much of a mess I was in not knowing and because he loves me, he gave in but this is how he really felt ( not wanting the baby ) what really upsets me is the fact that he said at first that he would never leave, no matter what my decision was! And what also upsets me is that fact that when his ex told him she was pregnant, he said he would be there for her no matter what! Not once has he said that to me! A part of me is thinking conintue the pregnancy and leave and another part of me is thinking not to conintue the pregnancy and still leave but then I can’t let go at the same time! I don’t think I could continue the pregnancy on my own but I know I will be heartbroken not to continue!

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 19/01/2019 09:17

I think this relationship is over no matter what. If you terminate then you will always blame him if you don’t I supect her will do a dispearing act and probably tell very one you tricked him.

Who does he think he is to try and get you to breast feed? I am very pro breast feeding btw but he sounds very controlling.

How much does he see of his other children? Why is he not a proper father to them?

Beautifulmess89 · 19/01/2019 09:35

He doesn’t see his first son due to the fact that the mother has stopped him for no reason and it is no reason! But he sees his other son every weekend as he works Monday to Friday and they don’t live in the same city!

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 19/01/2019 09:43

Whether you continue with the pregnancy or not, leave him. He is a manipulative arsehole. If you do continue with the pregnancy do not give the baby his name. The chance of this relationship working out long term are slim at best, it'll be much better for the baby to have your name.

Jackshouse · 19/01/2019 09:52

He doesn’t see his first son due to the fact that the mother has stopped him for no reason and it is no reason! But that’s a load of bollocks isn’t it. If someone tried to stop me seeing my child I would go to very court in the land to get this changed. If I did not have the money I would go without things and I certainly would not be having unprotected sex to try and have another child while failing to give my other kids what they need. What about you OP? What would you do if you couldn’t see your child? I suspect similar.

BrokenLink · 19/01/2019 10:07

He is showing you who he really is. He is an emotional abuser. Unfortunately, abusive men often wait until a woman is pregnant to reveal their true colours. You may be able to self refer to a early pregnancy counselling service to explore your options.

rainbowstardrops · 19/01/2019 10:18

Wow, what a peach he is!
I'd kick his sorry ass to the kerb.

With regards to the pregnancy, you need to do what is right for YOU! You sound as if you'd be devastated to end the pregnancy. You'd manage, we all do one way or another.
Whatever you decide to do, leave the abusive bastard.

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