What to do with toddler during labour?

[agentmichaelscarn]

After some advice/personal experiences.

My DD is 2 and we're not sure what is best for her when I'm in labour with DC2.

Is it possible to bring her to the hospital/have her in the room? What would happen if I had to go into theatre so that DH doesn't miss the birth? Anyone got any experience of this?

Unfortunately staying with family is not an option. Possibly have friends that could look after her but can't get her to/pick up from the childminder etc if the timings don't work (and obviously cannot ask them to take time off work to babysit).

I just don't really know what to do and am worried DH won't be able to be there for the birth.

Would the childminder keep her overnight?

I don't think she'd be allowed in the room. You don't know how long the labour will be, any emergency situations etc. If your DH is concentrating on you there is no one to watch your DD and there are so few staff available. Our hospital said we could take DS in with us if we needed to urgently get to hospital, but then someone would need to collect from there. Luckily my in-laws came to the house.

As PP said could the childminder keep her or have you considered a home birth?

I'd ask the childminder to have her.

Is a home birth a consideration? Here there's no chance they'd allow a toddler in a delivery room.

I had a home birth, and dc1 helpfully slept through it.

I can’t imagine she’d be allowed in the hospital for very good reason!

I’d aim for a home birth personally.

Mine was allowed in the delivery room and sat watching Thomas on an iPad... The hospital had no problem with that at all.

Although I've seen a few women on similar threads say that they were allowed their toddler DC in the room with them, I think that is very much the exception rather than the rule and would really recommend against it unless it's an absolute emergency. I have a 2 year old DS and can't imagine trying to do this with him - it could take hours so very boring, could easily go over meal/nap/bedtimes so he'd be even more likely to get distressed and act up, plus he gets very very upset if he sees me in pain. He accidentally headbutted me in the nose last week and I cried involuntarily, he was wailing inconsolably until DH came to rescue him, so I can't imagine he'd do well with me in labour! Obviously your DD may be different but I can't imagine it's a scenario many toddlers would do well in.

Plus yes, if you have to go to theatre, there is no way that she'd be able to go with you, and your DH would probably have to stay with her as the midwife needs to go with you to theatre and there may well be no other staff free. I'd strongly suggest looking into as many childcare options as you can. You'd be surprised how many friends might be willing to help out

We’re in a position where family can help but they live a long way away. If we had a very sudden labour we’d have to take her until someone could collect but that’s the only circumstance I’d want to do it (and even then it’s not ideal). I’d be very worried about a toddler seeing a labour. My husband found my first delivery distressing so I’d have thought most toddlers would find it confusing and upsetting.

Mine was 2 and in the room during my labor with one of her siblings. She first napped and then woke up in time to see the baby and offer her part of her sandwich.

It very much depends on the birth, which you wont know until it happens! I’d plan for a home birth.

We had planned for my sister to look after 2yo DD when I had DS. However, he was a speedy labour (second babies often are!) and my sister didn’t make it in time as she lived a couple of hours away. DD had to come to the hospital (luckily a midwife was free to watch her so DH didn’t miss the crucial bit!) but what was worse was that she saw me in a lot of pain and distress at home (I was panicking as things progressed very quickly). And I couldn’t concentrate on labouring naturally as I was worrying about her.

Having said that, you’ve already had others say their toddlers came to the hospital and it was fine, so you never know. But, for me, if I could turn back the clock I’d do anything not to have to put her (or me) through that.

FWIW, I would happily take a day of work for a friend for this.