As I write this I feel like an absolutely terrible person but I also need to share with someone/anyone about this feeling of impending doom I have in the pit of my stomach having found out recently I am pregnant.
This was an unplanned pregnancy and whilst everything lines up perfectly, I have an unbelievably supportive partner, a good job and income, great employers, friends, family around me, I just have this feeling in my gut that I just don't feel ready to be a mum and it's taking away any joy I used to feel about my life. It sounds dramatic but this feeling of losing any freedom and the sudden realisation I am tied into this forever is just tying me in knots and I'm waking up with a daily urge to run away to the circus and never come back.
I am incredibly lucky to be healthy and to have conceived and I have had 13 weeks with barely any symptoms of nausea or anything but this is something I just cannot shake off.
Will it just switch on one day? Will I ever feel maternal? I'm so worried this feeling with develop into post baby blues or post natal depression if I feel no connection with this pregnancy or journey soon.
Has anyone felt similar and can give me any reassurance around this that I am not Satan himself and even better can anyone give me a good dose of "just f*cking get on with it"
With love and anticipation x