I'm just really struggling to come to terms with this pregnancy. It was (obviously) unplanned and at first I felt totally numb. Now I'm getting my head round it a bit I just feel angry and scared. I had a bleed a few weeks ago (I'm 8 weeks now) and was referred for an early scan. Seeing a little heartbeat on the screen didn't fill me with joy like it did with my son (whose only 7 months btw and is the worst sleeper in the world). I didn't even get upset when I started bleeding, I was just numb. I also bled with my first at around the same time and I was absolutely heartbroken thinking I'd lost him. So I feel so guilty for feeling like I do. I'll of course love this baby although it has to be said I'm scared I won't love this baby like I love my son. I get so angry especially at night when I'm up for the millionth time with my son and I think how the HELL am I going to cope with another baby on even less sleep? It completely overwhelms me and I just want to run away and it makes me not want to be a parent. How fucking horrible is that. I know I should probably go and speak to my GP but the last time I went when I thought I was struggling with PND she dismissed it for sleep deprivation so I'm reluctant to get help again. I can't even bring myself to look at that early scan picture anymore. Before anyone suggests abortion/adoption please just don't. I'm not suggesting that's what I want, I don't at all. Guess I'm just looking to see if anyone can relate/has been in a similar situation? I know these things have a way of working themselves out. Oh and another factor is that about a month before I found out about this baby I was offered my dream job that I'll be starting in March. So that's another huge factor in why I'm feeling so crap, I'll only be in this job about 3 months before I go on maternity leave again. So financially I don't know what we're gonna do. I'm going to have to sell my car which is gonna suck because I'll literally be stuck. I Iive in a different city to all my family and friends so I heavily rely on my car. I don't have much help from family as it is, I don't have much family. All I have really who can help me is my mum and bless her she helps me as much as she can but she looks after my Nan as well as working a full time job. My partner works awful shifts and does a stupid amount of hours so he helps me where he can and gets up with him when he can but most of the time it's all on me. Maybe I am just sleep deprived? I honestly don't know. I am inclined to think it runs a bit deeper than that though. I just don't enjoy anything I used to. Another thing is the sickness. I had hyperemesis with my son so it's constantly on my mind that it's gonna flare up this time around and then I've completely fucked it because how am I going to look after my son?! So far it's manageable, I'm taking ondansetron I have left over from last time which is helping. I sometimes have to just leave him crying for 5 minutes though while I'm stuck throwing up with is awful. Just hoping it doesn't get any worse.