Abortion regret... fear of split... a mix of feelings and a bundle of worry

[MsSRosesPie]

I wasn't sure where to put this.

I had an abortion about 1/2 years ago. I accidentally fell pregnant and god scared. We also decided we weren't financially ready or housed for a baby. When I was pregnant I was half either way, but didn't regret it after, possibly because I could finally eat again and not sleep 12 hours a day (I was 4 months).
I'm 26 now, I've considered myself childfree since 21, but lately I've been regretting my abortion. I didn't at the time. I have been feeling the broody hormones more lately.
My partner (26, full time employed) doesn't want kids. He does sometimes say you don't know what will happen in the future, but is usually adamant that he doesn't want them, and much prefers his freedom to do whatever he wants. I''m the same but as I said, I've lately felt more inclined to the baby way.
I'm so scared of splitting up because of an issue like this at some point. I've had a partner before, so I've been utterly heartbroken and I've gotten through it, but I realised that wasn't right. This really is the best person I've found. We get on so well, I moved in after 3 months and after two years we rarely argue... probably twice a year (seriously). We just gel. I'm terrified to lose him. I'm terrified of my feelings and broodiness.
I don't know what I want from this post, maybe some advice/words of comfort... has anyone had anything similar to this?
Thank you so much.

1 1/2 years ago sorry.

Talk about kicking someone when they’re down, eh Redsky?

@Redskyandrainbows67 if you can't say something helpful, preference don't say anything at all. We don't all have the same views or experiences in life but we can still treat each other with kindness.

OP I'm sorry I can't provide any specific advice, but you are both young and it is possible your OH may change his mind. It sounds like a difficult situation, I hope you find the answers you're looking for X

I don’t judge your abortion in any way. Better an abortion than an unwanted child.

I don’t really have any advice but my experience was that I sort of thought about wanting a baby in an abstract way always and thought that I probably wanted one but was on the fence. Then I hit 27 and it was like a hunger. I wanted one more than I wanted anything. Got pregnant at 28 and had two children in two years. So I would say that if you’re starting to feel that baby hunger, you need to have a serious conversation with your partner.

Good luck.

Perhaps the pregnancy topic isn’t the best place for this thread? Perhaps you could report it and ask MN to move it to 30-days only?

Redskyandrainbows67 you should be thoughrly ashamed of your reply. It’s not helpful and rude. Sometimes it’s the better part of valour to scroll on past and not try to make people feel worse.

MsSRosesPie the past is the past. You can’t go back and change it, all you can do is accept it and move on. The best people never repeat their mistakes, try to be that person. If you can manage that you’re a better person than me.

With regard to your current partner, you are young and if you are happy then enjoy it. Be aware that time will eventually run out and you may have to make a choice between your partner and a baby. But you have years to work that out.
Be happy.

That was uncalled for redsky

No experience op but your both still young, he may come around.

Hope you are ok

Redsky that is so rude any need??

You can’t change the past you just have to move on, you made that decision as you thought it was the right thing to do at the time so make peace with that. If he really doesn’t want children and you do you may have to rethink the relationship

I'm okay guys. I've had redskys comments removed.
I could never say that to someone who is emotionally fragile about such a heated topic.
I guess more than anything though, I'm worried about having to choose between my partner and a baby.

This happened to me. I had a DC a year later. If your DP doesn't want kids, you have a problem. I'm sorry, I know how hard it can be.

My husband and I discussed this in the past, we did already have children, so it's not exactly the same but he told me that he didn't want anymore children but that if I did and it was that important to me then he would reconsider and I agreed, I too did not want another baby but if he felt differently and strongly about it I too would reconsider. I might be naive to think these decisions won't break a relationship that is strong, committed and equal but i guess if I think about it I have no idea how its feel to be so sure I didn't want kids at all or if loving someone could fulfill you enough to give up your chance to be a mother. I think denying something so big would lead to a lot of resentment later on, if it were me I'd wind up feeling cheated and like my desires were the sacrifice and less important than his. I personally would be honest with him and ask if he can see a future if you can't give up on having a baby. You need to know if it's a relationship breaker for him before you know if it's worth considering a future with him, without children, I'd only personally consider this if he too was up for putting your feelings first too. If he could let you go over this then is he really the one? You never know he might surprise you. X

I’m sorry - I lost at baby at 21 weeks and so late abortion is a very emotive topic for me.

Just wanted to explain why I was upset by the op’s post, which I found insensitive and very hurtful to people who can’t get pregnant or miscarry. ESP the bit where she says she was indifferent about the abortion.

Will stop posting and hide thread now.

Op I'm really worried that you describe your partner as "the best one I've found" rather than someone you adore. I would say with that attitude and your differing opinions on having children that this isn't the man for you and you should consider your future.

26 is so young. I think lots of men who go on to want children can't see them in their life at 26.

See where you and your partner are in 2-4 years time and review then. He may well have changed his mind. Most people I know don't have children until their early 30's.

Are you ok? @MsSRosesPie

Hi hun I did the same thing 2 years ago had an abortion and regretted it straight after I ended up on depression tablets because of it, as had an abortion cause my daughter was only 1 and my son was 5 now I am 16 weeks pregnant and feel ok I promise you it will get better I am here to hold your hand I know how you feel.

People can be so mean we all do things because we think it is right thing to do I wouldn't judge anybody for anything they did this girl is asking for a hold hand as she retreats what she did she already feels bad for what she did she doesn't need to made to feel even more worse 😡

My dp doesn’t want kids that’s fine mine are teenagers and I don’t want anymore. But I know his ex was trying with her ex and they didn’t fall pregnant. She met my now dp and he was straight to the point he didn’t want kids. So ten years later they split and I’m with him and obviously he sort of has teenagers around. But I do wonder how she feels towards him, as now she’s too old for children. She spent her last 10 fertile years with him and then they split.
I think if you do want children and he doesn’t, you then don’t have them, will you hold that against him down the line?
As for the abortion- you done what was right for you and your situation at the time (I’ve been there too), don’t torment yourself over it.

I don't think you should regret the abortion you had or feel bad about it, it was right for you at time. I would've done the same at your age. Just because you've changed your mind about having children, doesn't mean you made a mistake- it was the right decision at that particular time. It's normal to change your mind about having children. I was adamant I didn't and wasn't maternal until I was 29, and now I'm 9 weeks at almost 31.
Your boyfriend is also really young. My husband said the exact same, and got that fearful look whenever anyone mentioned children. It doesn't mean he won't change his mind- mine is now absolutely ecstatic to be becoming a parent.
You're also really young. Has your financial/housing situation changed? Just because your getting the broody feeling (normal, hormones) doesn't mean it's the right time.
Think it through!

@MsSRosesPie I have to agree I've been there and done that. I had one last year and I felt exactly the same, I was scared, I was unsure I would be happy, I freaked out. It would all make sense for me to go ahead with the baby as it was on the same day I found out that me and my partner got our first house together...
But the past is the past and there's nothing you can change now. My family were all behind me and they said there was nothing wrong with trying again next year. Next year is here and I'm now almost 10 weeks pregnant and I'm over the moon! I'm 25 too so I can relate with the age kind of.
I do think from time to time what it would have been like for me now, I would already be a mother and I would have a son or daughter but now I've got that to look forward to in August. Times change and my mindset has changed, now I can't wait to a mum!