Anyone else 'planning' a solo labour?

[agnesnitt]

Hello...

I'm due in about three weeks, and due to varying issues it looks like I will be labouring on my own.

In some ways this bothers me, but in others it doesn't.

My midwife suggested I have a doula, but I don't feel there's enough time for me to get to know one enough to want to go through labour with one. I don;t have any friends I feel close enough to to have them with me either. I'm not willing to have a family member there as it will be far too stressful. There's always the paternal type of course, but I'm not sure how to broach the subject with him.

So, anyone else done it alone before? Planning to? Just want to tell me I'm psychotic?

Agnes

Hi,

My ex/boyfriend, is playing ostich at the moment, so I very much doubt he will be anywhere near at the time of delivery. I have thought of a doula,and im looking into it. I have also thought about a homebirth, but will see how the pregnancy progress's and any advice from the midwife. The only problem I think you may have with looking for a doula at short notice would be availabilty? My sister has also offered to be with me..but not sure really?
Hope it all goes well Agnes xxx

My ex must surely win the prize for Most Uninterested Male! I'm meeting him today to pick up some of my things and was thinking of bringing up the topic of being at the birth, but now I'm not so sure.

He's 44 (I'm 23) and acts like a child, so I'm not sure if he'll be patient/useful enough to have in the delivery room! Maybe I could ask him to be outside the room but he'd probably get bored and leave without me knowing!
He's got 3 other sons he doesn't see and was only at the birth for the first (from his marriage) and once or twice during the pregnancy he's said he'd be at the birth, but he's never stuck to it and now he's saying he wants nothing to do with me, he's moving house next week and won't tell me the address...pretty much pointless hoping he'll be at the birth, isn't it!

My mum wants to be there but sit outside and that's fine with me - I wouldn't want her in the room with me, so it looks like I'm going solo! Not TOO happy about that, but I'm sure I'll be fine.

Hi-

For my last 2 DC i had partner with me. My DP really didnt enjoy the birth of my DD... and keeps going on about how gross it was! Charming eh! Anyway, this time around I am hoping to have a home birth and have told him that I am quite happy for him to be lurking somewhere else in the house when I give birth, if he really finds it all too much. I guess it is still nice to know that he will be somewhere nearby, if not right next to me.

I found it helpful to have him there when i was having contractions, because I could lean on him! But otherwise, I think i like the idea of being on my own.

Good luck

Agnes. I think you'll be fine on your own. Its not really a spectator sport IMO, and you can retain some dignity!

Prepare yourself well and don't panic. Good luck!

DH was at the birth of 1st dc, as we both agreed that it should be that way.
For the births of other 5 I was alone, and will also be alone for birth of our 7th dc due feb.
For me it was much easier WITHOUT DH....he was so nervous, and so turned out to be a right pain in the a*se....he made me so nervous.
Ended up kicking him out of labour ward as he laughed at something, but due to excessive gas 'n' air, I was convinced he was laughing at me iyswim
Also it was much much easier, and a lot less embarassing to be with the medical staff, whom I didn't know.
At least they couldn't remind me of the screaming session, unlike dh
Never again will dh be anywhere near the place!

Thanks for this thread, I've been thinking the same for a while and now I know I'm not a wierdo for thinking it.

In fact, thanks to this thread I've just said to my dh and he's said he just wants whats best for me so he's happy for me to do what I want, which is a load off as I thought he would be offended.

I didn't have a good time first time round and ended up having a cs and thinking about it, if I can try to labour myself, the dark room and on my own sounds the most appealing to me.

I remember reading about some old guy in america who had delivered thousands of babies in his time and in his experience he felt a lot of problems in labour came through the partners being present and if women weren't progressing when they should be he would often get the man to leave the room for some reason and the woman would nearly always progress amazingly well on her own.

Don't know about that, but maybe its to do with letting go and letting him see you so out of control.

Whatever, I'm glad I've now spoken it out loud with him and he's okay with it and if I end up labouring again it can be on my own in a darkened room with no-one to shout at but me.