When to tell Mum

[Anondonkey]

Hi everyone

I am a little over 5 weeks with my first pregnancy. All seems to be well so far (as far as you can know!).

My husband and I haven’t told anyone yet and have been discussing when to tell people.

My mother and I have had a rocky relationship and whilst I wouldn’t say we were close, we do care about each other a lot and see each other every 2-3 months.

I know she will be thrilled about the pregnancy as it will be her first grandchild and she is always assuming I am pregnant (think Pam in Gavin and Stacey!) but I am currently minded to hold off telling her (or anyone else) until the 12 week scan, mostly because if anything goes wrong between now and then I just wouldn’t want to talk to her about it as I am quite a private person. Having said that, I think she could be upset/offended that I didn’t tell her sooner as I think people often tell their parents early on?

Has anyone else waited to tell their Mum until 12 weeks? And if so, was Mum disappointed you didn’t tell her sooner?

We waited to tell my parents and PiL until 12 weeks for all 3 pregnancies. No one was offended (or they were wise enough not to say!)

I was 13 weeks with DS and 16 weeks with this one. If she was disappointed that was her business.

I told my mum straight away as I knew I would need her if something went wrong. Everyone's different though so just go with what you feel is right for you and OH

I told my mum, with whom I have a bit of a difficult relationship, at about 7 weeks; she seemed a bit surprised that I told her so soon. (But I was visiting her not long afterwards - she was very annoyed that I wouldn’t touch the vegetables, even though she knew I was feeling dreadful, and why. Had I not told her beforehand, she would have been Angry with me for eating so badly, and I wasn’t having any of that!)

If you’re not seeing her in the intervening period, and can avoid letting her know if you feel dreadful in the meantime, I think I’d recommend not telling her until 12 weeks. But also, I don’t think that you should do other than go with your gut instinct!

Told our parents after the scan.

They were still the first people we told, but we wanted to wait until then.

I’m currently just over 6 weeks, I planned to tell my mum last week but I had an early scan which showed an empty sac. I’m waiting for my repeat scan before I tell her, so I’ll be a little over 7 weeks.
(Hopefully be telling her good news and not bad!)

I told my father at eleven weeks beause he was asking about grandchildren when he was visiting. We told my in-laws about the same time. I have a difficult relationship with my mother, but made sure to tell her at twelve weeks before sharing the information with my wider friends group. We told a few close friends from about six weeks due to their plans to emigrate before we would have been twelve weeks.

We didn't tell anyone at all until well over
20 weeks. Totally your choice.

I should also add a lot of my work colleagues know, have done since 4 weeks due to the nature of my work. If I didn’t have to tell them, I would probably have kept it to myself as long as possible! (Including parents!)

Thanks everyone - it looks like plenty of people wait to tell parents. I think I had just thought people tell close family ASAP and I am sure many do but as I am not that close to Mum and I am a private person I think I will wait.