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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

WWYD re. wedding after due date.

18 replies

MeredithGrey1 · 09/01/2019 10:51

Wasn't sure which topic to put this under - hopefully this is ok. It might be a really stupid question as well!

I've currently 16 weeks pregnant and have been invited to a wedding approx. 8 weeks after my due date. This is the wedding of a former colleague, my partner isn't invited (this is fine, I'm not remotely annoyed by this). We haven't done a big announcement of the pregnancy, so I don't think this colleague knows, he may have heard it from another colleague but I'm not certain - either way, the baby is not mentioned on the invite (again - fine).
This is my first child, and I don't know whether practically it will be possible for me to go alone. I plan on breast feeding, and hopefully also pumping to allow my partner to feed (I'm very aware these plans may go out the window once the baby arrives), but can I rely on this being ok for an overnight trip away at 8 weeks? Because I'm not really close to the couple, I don't want to say "I'll let you know nearer the time" and I really don't want to back out last minute. But at the same time I don't want to decline and have everyone think I'm being ridiculous.
So, wwyd? Since this is my first child, I genuinely don't know what to expect and I've no idea whether all the responses on here will be "of course you can go, don't be so ridiculous" or "of course you can't go, don't be so ridiculous."

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ChanklyBore · 09/01/2019 10:52

You can go, and it will be fine.

You probably won’t want to though.

And therein lies the rub.

Bluebelltulip · 09/01/2019 10:55

8 weeks after your due date could easily be only 6 weeks after birth. I think that's too early to have expressing established enough for an over night stay. You may also still be recovering and not want to leave your baby yet. If it is possible to go for a few hours and all stay near by then I think thats more realistic.

BathSlug · 09/01/2019 10:58

I too was invited to a wedding within weeks of giving birth to my dd & I was breastfeeding....so hubby came to the function (also not invited) & walked around the venue with our baby in the pram & texted when she needed a feed....all worked wonderfully....

My only downside were my feet were still slightly larger from pregnancy & my beautiful shoes did not fit!!

MaverickSnoopy · 09/01/2019 11:04

If you want to go it would be more realistic to all go together and then pop back to hotel room for feeding.

My lo is 11wo and I'm still trying to establish breastfeeding. You can't count on it being established by then, although there's also no reason to think that it won't be either.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 09/01/2019 11:05

You probably could go, but I personally wouldn't have gone to a wedding overnight 8 weeks after baby was born, especially when breastfeeding. Even more so if they weren't people I was massively close to.
My best friend did have an overnight away when her DT were that age, but she was bottle feeding.
If it was local and I could leave when I wanted I definitely would go.
Each to their own.

Original poster

MeredithGrey1 · 09/01/2019 11:08

I think that's too early to have expressing established enough for an over night stay

This was probably my main worry in terms of the practicality of it. But wasn't sure what to expect in terms of time for getting these things established.

Sounds like probably, to avoid the worry, and to avoid making my OH sit in a hotel room all day (which I suspect may not go down brilliantly for the wedding of a former colleague - if it was a close friend he might be more willing) its easier to politely decline.

OP posts:

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 09/01/2019 11:10

Everyone is different and there is no way of knowing if you'll be happy to leave baby and go or feel up to the day in general.

I've got a night away booked when DD2 will be 6 weeks old and I know I can do it as I did it with my eldest and I trust who I'm leaving them with. The first time though, it was a mental battle to decide and in the end, you just have to go with your gut.

SleepyPaws · 09/01/2019 11:17

If you want to go then I also think your best option would be to all go so you can feed baby when needed. We were invited to a wedding with no children and I ended up not going due to 6m old baby feeding on demand and not taking a bottle. Make the decision as stress free as possible, establishing bf can be hard, having to then adapt this so quickly for me wouldn't have been ideal.

Myusernameisunique · 09/01/2019 11:21

@Bluebelltulip I'm not sure where you got the info regarding expressing but from my own experience with this I'd have to disagree. My DD2 was 2 weeks old when I left her with my parents overnight to go to an event. I also went back to work when she was 6 weeks old. She was exclusively breastfed until 6 months old with no problems. I had to stop in the end because she had a lot of dietary requirements that I just couldn't incorporate into my own diet otherwise I would've continued feeding her until she stopped herself! On advice from the breastfeeding support I had available I just began expressing when she was a few days old with a good quality electric pump and gave her the odd bottle of expressed breast milk. It is a faff but completely doable. You just have to ensure you pump throughout the day to keep your supply up.
However I don't know if I'd have done it just to go to a colleagues wedding! The main reason I did it was because I had to go back to work so quickly.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/01/2019 11:27

Everyone is different but I was at my lowest point of exhaustion around this time and the logistics would have just overwhelmed me. I would have struggled to pump enough to be away that long and would probably have supplemented with formula. Different women respond very differently to pumping.

Bluebelltulip · 09/01/2019 11:36

@Myusernameisunique it's from my experience that I was saying it may be too early, obviously not impossible but establishing breast feeding, expressing to store and introducing a bottle may be a bit much at that point. It could be fine but it's not something either of us or the op can predict.

Myusernameisunique · 09/01/2019 11:42

@Bluebelltulip I see. I wasn't sure if it was from guidelines as they really do vary so much. The advice given out can be so confusing! In my experience it worked well and I managed fine but I had to anyway so I could return to work.

Courtneybrown · 09/01/2019 20:51

This is a bit different but i had to leave my first new born at 4 days old to go to my great grandmothers funeral who i was extremley close to ...

i left him with MIL and was still a anxious wreck however it was managed and you will be leaving baby with there dad so should ease the uncertainty of leaving them with a gran etc.

I think you need to really think if you could leave your baby over night and if yes then go and have fun x

Essexgirlupnorth · 09/01/2019 21:03

I was contact them tell them you pregnant and ask if you can bring a new born as most people will make exceptions for tiny babies especially if breastfed

Sipperskipper · 09/01/2019 21:09

I was formula feeding at this age, and still wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving DD and DH for an overnight trip. Not that I would have missed her terribly or anything like that, but it all still felt so new, and we were trying to get into our own rhythm.

I would decline if it wasn’t someone I was hugely close to.

Wishing you all the best with your new baby.

modgepodge · 09/01/2019 21:19

I mean do you actually want to go?! The wedding of an ex colleague, overnight, without my partner wouldn’t appeal to me much anyway...let alone potentially only 6 weeks after giving birth.

I’m in a similar situation, as I’ve also been invited to a wedding 6 weeks after my due date. The difference is, it’s a very close friend, my partner is invited and the couple have relaxed their ‘no children’ rule to allow us to bring the baby, realising that the two of us leaving our 6 week old overnight is not going to happen. I’m still a bit eeeeeeeek about it, but Im sure it will be fine in the end. I think in your situation I’d politely decline.

Original poster

MeredithGrey1 · 09/01/2019 21:38

I mean do you actually want to go?!

Baby aside, I definitely would, I worked there for a while and it was a relatively small company where everyone socialised together often, and lots of of old colleagues will be there, some of whom I still see regularly and some of whom I’ve lost touch with. From the invite, venue and the details I know it looks like it will be a really fun wedding.

But I am thinking that just to avoid the stress of feeling like I have to make sure that feeding-wise I’ll be ok to leave the baby, I will decline.

OP posts:

MrsJane · 09/01/2019 21:50

I probably wouldn't, the baby might only be around 6 weeks old and that's very early days.

I'd politely decline now and say it's because you'll have a very newborn baby. That's totally understandable!

Maybe say you could possibly join for the evening reception, all being well? But you won't know until nearer the time.

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