Telling a friend who recently miscarried that I’m pregnant

[measureformeasure]

I could really do with some advice as I don’t know how to handle this situation in the best way. One of my oldest friends had a miscarriage in the Autumn. She discovered at the 12 week scan her baby had died. The same week I discovered I’m pregnant. I didn’t tell her as it just felt like the worse timing. I wanted to be there for her and support her through her miscarriage and recovery as best I could. We live across the country from each other so we just talked on the phone and text each other all the time. I know I need to tell her but how do I do that? Do I visit? I’m now four months and starting to show so I need to do it this week. Text message seems so impersonal. If it’s text what do I say? I feel pretty awful about it as I don’t want to upset her but I also know she’ll be upset if I don’t tell her soon. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for rambling on but I’m a hormonal mess!

There have been a few similar threads on this topic and the general consensus has been that a text/email is the kindest way to share the news. It will give her a chance to process it on her own and respond to you when she’s ready. I have two friends who’ve been struggling to conceive for 2+ years and I’m going to text them.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I had a mmc with my first pregnancy and it hit me hard. TBH if my friend phoned and told me they were pregnant I would be happy for them but likely so emotional I would’ve broken down into tears and had to hang up. I was a hormonal and depressed mess for a while!
Personally I would text. Time it carefully. You don’t want them reading it at work. Say you would love to speak to them but we’re worried about upsetting them with the news. You will speak to them when they feel ready.
My best friend was pregnant when I miscarried. I actually had to say to her that I didn’t know if I would be able to visit her newborn. She understood. Actually I did visit. I have a lovely pic of me holding her baby. And I was pregnant again by then too.

I wouldn’t have coped emotionally with a friend telling me they were pregnant after my missed miscarriages. I couldn’t even cope seeing pregnant women in the street for a long time... It’s a horrible place to be.

As PP said, a text is kindest. I don’t know how your friend feels or what sort of person she is but don’t be offended if it takes her a while to respond.