Second child guilt

[cm21]

Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing these feelings of guilt. My DS has just turned 2 and I'm 21 weeks pregnant with my second DS. Every time I look at my first born son I get overwhelming feelings of guilt.

Usually when we get some alone, quiet time and are cuddled up on the sofa I realise I'm about to change his whole life and he has no say or control.

I feel guilty he won't get as much 1-1 time and that I'll be so busy caring for a newborn I worry if I'll forget he needs me to.

I only found out the babies gender a few days ago which only added to these feelings of guilt. I am now worried because I'm having another boy this will make him feel even more pushed out.

Also I'm worried friends and family will fuss over the baby where as he's used to all the attention.

In a nutshell I just feel bad for him, I look at his little face and it brings me to tears that I'm about to flip his tiny little world upside down.

Anyone else feeling like this? Am I being slightly over dramatic? And would love advice from people who have already had their second child.

Such great advice @NataliaOsipova I love the idea of DS1 showing off DS2 as his baby brother this will hopefully make him feel super proud. Thank you

@Endofrelationship I'm sorry to hear this. Your own circumstances with your siblings is a crappy situation but this may be the complete opposite for your dc1 and 2. I hope it all works out for you. Xx

@Changingagain I completely with you. I also wonder how I could find the love for another one but I guess you naturally just do. But I'm completely with you. Also dc1 starting school maybe very beneficial to the situation. There will be so much else going on that he won't even have time to worry about dc2. And will probably find it exciting coming home to see his sibling. Hope all works out well for you. Xx

@barleyreed Thank you fit your post. This is so lovely! Oh bless dc1's heart. Out of interest how did you introduce the two of them? Was it in hospital? Or at home? I ask because I don't like the thought of a relative bringing DS1 to the hospital to visit baby then DS1 has to leave me and DS2 I want him to feel as special as possible. I am definitely going to get a gift for DS1 from the baby. Xx

I am starting to feel this too. DS1 is 2.8 and I'm 21 weeks pregnant with DS2, baby is due exactly 2 weeks after his 3rd birthday. I really hope he remains as happy as he is now after baby arrives, I feel so guilty about completely changing life as he knows it and forecast some tears in the weeks ahead!

@Boobahs It's such an overwhelming feeling isn't it. From what I've read etc I've found great reassurance everything will work out. I do still believe it's inevitable there is going to be some display of emotion from dc2 whether that be jealousy, sadness, anger, happiness, excitement or a combination of all I think it's how we manage that which is important. Good luck. Xx

@cm21 Yes, I'm fully expecting some sort of regression, I just hope it doesn't last too long! I don't think it's fully hit me yet, I think I'll get worse over the coming weeks. I guess everyone with more than one goes through it, and some have more so it mustn't be that bad!

They met at home, DS1 was waiting with my parents and really ill which was quite stressful in itself! I had a planned c-section so we knew rough timings if all went to plan! DS1 still seems to remember it all :) Good luck but I am sure you will be fine! Xxx

I'm exactly the same. Ds2 is due 12 days before ds1's 2nd birthday. It seems it's normal to feel like this.

Haha yes totally worn out dc4 is a girl and a complete shock of a pregnancy failed contraception so clearly meant to be as i wanted steralised lol just with my youngest only just turned one but i wouldn't change them for the world xx

For me and my DS if I could turn back the clock, then yes I would have waited until we were home for him to meet his sib, the other thing I would change is that we sent him to nursery as normal the morning after his sister was born, she was born late night, we asked nursery not to mention it to him so he could have a suprise, in hindsight that was pretty daft as nursery could have talked about it with him involving the other children talking about their siblings so he would have been better prepared, I mean he was fine meeting her no upset or anything but o could have played it better, but that is my child you know yours best, I agree with not holding them, when he came to visit she was in the cot and I made a big fuss of him, say him on my knee talked about his day etc then took him to see her. It will be ok, after a few days he was asking where she was, was she ok they are thick as thieves, it’s so lovely to watch x

Just coming in from a different direction, my mum had me 10 years after having my sister and (although I don't remember it) I have been told by many family members including my sister herself that she absolutely couldn't stand me when I was born lol. I don't think it helped that I was apparently a very whingy baby, but fastforward to my toddler years me and my sister were very close and I have many great memories of spending time with her through my childhood despite the age gap. As adults we are very close, so things always work out in the end. I think all kids have to go through an adjustment period when further siblings are born but it all works out well in the end. This year my current only child who is 11 will be joined by my second child due in April, im expecting there will be some issues as its going to be a big change but we will all adjust :)

Ahh I felt like this too it's a horrible feeling 

But then I brought her baby sister home and she was besotted from the first instance!
Watching the love she had for her baby was the best thing ever and I knew just then that we'd done the best thing for her, and even now 2 years on I still feel the same because they really are the bestest of friends 

My advice would be to try not to beat yourself up, I think it's normal to feel that guilt and things have a way of working themselves out, it'll be fine don't worry