To wonder if you also worry so much?

[Marghe87]

I've reached that time in my life when I am starting to plan a family and facing all the worries linked to this: financial matters, logistics, education, house security etc.

Maybe because I never even though about having kids before or maybe because I am not from the UK, I never considered all the amount of organization and costs implied in having a child in the South East.

Do you even find yourselves (over)worrying about the future? How do you cope or have coped with this?
My main worries at the moment are:

• raising a kid with no help from grandparents, just my husband and I juggling full time work after my maternity leave
• sky high nursery fees which won't allow us to save a single penny for at least 3 years
• not owning a property yet and we will probably be able to do so once our child is 6-7 yo (just to have the time to start saving again after nursery)
• not being able to eventually buy where we leave now and therefore having to take the child away from their school or struggle to find a place in a "good" school somewhere new - and also manage all the logistics linked to this.

Etc etc etc...

I know I am over-worrying about stuff that might not happen or that is probably 10 years away from now but I really feel the need to share these worries with someone that has been through this.

Would you like to share your thoughts and experience?

Thank you x

I don't have any insights but just wanted to say I worry about all this stuff too. Our parents live in the UK but they're a 3 hour drive away so they can't be much day-to-day help.
My husband is a researcher at a university, so we'll have to move around the country for the next few years, and I worry how that will work with schools.
We're also renting, I worry we won't be able to afford anywhere big enough, or the landlord will kick us out. We're already limited in choice as we have pets.
We basically decided there's never going to be a good time to have a baby, so we're going for it now and will deal with everything as best as we can.

Yes, similar worries about money/security/etc. There’s never a good time to have a baby.

@undercoverlauren

Thank you for sharing this.
I suppose the key is to look at the big picture without stressing too much about all the potential problems in one go. We have faced so many challenges in life so far and if we looked at them alltogether a few years ago we would have freaked out.

I think everyone worries but ultimately the best environment for a baby/child doesn’t need to be perfect. When I look back at my childhood we didn’t have much money but we had everything we need... I had a very happy childhood, just not lots of treats all the time which was a good thing. I earn more than my mum and dad did but that doesn’t make a happier childhood. A baby doesn’t know or care you are renting!

Basically, I think you don’t need to seek perfection... a little bit of hardship time to time is good for kids it teaches them to be resilient, appreciative, hard working etc —- I don’t think I’d be where I am today if my childhood had been totally perfect.

Hope that makes sense

@le42 I totally agree with you and have been raised in a very similar environment. I find that in London people are obsessed with money, property ownership, having a 4 bed house, status etc etc. At least this is what I see.

I found out I was pregnant with my first a few days after my wedding, it was a surprise and I was petrified - I wasn't far off 30 but felt like a teenage mum after years of living in London made me feel like you waited until your mid-30s to have a baby.
I agree with other comments, that you make it work - childcare is expensive but for a pretty limited time, my DS starts school in September, it only feels like weeks ago he was taking his first steps - its a cliche but it flies by and you get through it. Also, consider tax free childcare and vouchers etc, plus you get you free hours kicking in at aged 3 now.
I dont know your age but I would also say to be conscious of this, purely because I've had friends defer starting a family to get other things lined up only to find get pregnant wasn't as easy as they hoped.
I've deferred having a second child for my career, and having had a mc last year and some ongoing gynae issues, am finding that I'm now working on my bodies schedule - not the other way round as I had hoped.

@Ambs81thank you this.

I am 32 and don't want to keep postponing this for more years as it might take another 3-4 years before we are able to put down a deposit for a (small) house here around London.

@Marghe87
A lot of people presume you'll get pregnant relatively quickly, and it will all go to plan...but in truth it could take you 1 month or 1 year to conceive (if you're lucky that is!) you're then pregnant for essentially 10 months...so I guess my point is you can easily see how 'we're trying for a baby' could easily become a 2 year process, even if things were pretty straight forward.
The uncontrollable factor in your situation is conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy - its easy to think its a given, but it really isn't. That is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, not the perfect house or nice holidays.
Sorry I sound bleak, but i've seen so many friends go through the heartache of fertility issues, and for those over 35, huge huge costs because they;'e put off having a family until they'd achieve material goals and/or checked off various things from their bucket lists etc.
You may or may not always want to live in london, or work in the field you currently do, but if having a child is important to you prioritise it over the changeable, impermanent parts of your life.
there is a quote that says something like 'when everything falls into place I will my peace of mind....but really when you find your peace of mind everything falls into place'
That reminds me a bit of motherhood!

Dont think there’s ever a right time to have a child in this climate. Nothing is guaranteed for your future you just have to go all in and adapt. Good luck!