Anybody separated weeks before birth?

[Endofrelationship]

I think my marriage is over. We had a huge row yesterday which has continued in to today and DH saying he doesn't want to be in the relationship any more.

We have DS who is 3. This isn't new territory, we've almost separated before (about 2 years ago) and to be honest, things haven't improved since then, we've just been eeking it out.

I'm due to have a c section in 3 weeks. I have no idea how to go about navigating a separation, giving birth, DS and maternity leave. I can't afford the house on my own, can't afford to move out and we can't afford to sell it either until the fixed term is up.

I just don't know what to do. I don't have any family near by and neither does DH.

DH isn't being a dick, he's just really unhappy in the relationship, as am I. I just can't see a way forward right now.

And I don't feel like I've anyone to turn to in real life, we were best friends, don't really have anyone else.

Poor you. How terrible.
It seems you will be happier in the long run, but in the meantime you have lot on you plate. Can you reason with him to postpone all of this at least until the baby arrives and you have recovered a little. Make a plan perhaps. He has responsibilities for the children, so whether he likes it or not he will have to support you financially. May be see advice from citizen advice? Sending you a hug

Thanks. He's happy to postpone any physical separation but the atmosphere is just awful, I can't live like this and it isn't fair to DS. I'm thinking of suggesting I move out until baby comes and then he moves out with DS and they come round to visit baby.

Anyone coped after a c section with minimal help? DH will help with baby but I mean things like cooking and cleaning.

I wouldn't separate from DS at anytime to be honest. It will seem to DS as though he has been sent away or replaced with the new baby, the damage that could do to him could actually be quite serious as he grows up.

I think what you do will depend on how you can both manage finances. How long is left on your fixed term? Is it possible for DH to move out and continue to pay mortgage or would it be better if you and both children moved in with a family member until you can get a house? You might have to look into council housing if you can't afford private rental. You will get benefits to help out.

ems137 I'm not eligible for benefits and wouldn't get council housing.

I couldn't cope with both children (dreadful AND & likely PND) by myself and DH couldn't have the newborn due to work.

There's no family I can move in with so I'd have to privately rent. It wouldn't really be affordable for either of us. The house could be sold in a year, but needs work (we're in the middle of significant renovations). Once it's sold it all becomes much easier as we'd both have a fairly significant sum released from it.

I get that you don't want to be together anymore and you don't feel the atmosphere around your DS is fair but unless either of you are dangerous or have extreme issues you are in control of the toxicity of the environment around your son surely. This is going to be a time of lots of change for him, gaining a sibling and your parents splitting are huge to a young child, I agree some people are better off apart but if you can't afford to split up and it would mean you literally splitting the children then I can't see how you can even consider that. If I were you I'd sit down with you oh and work our a way to live together pleasantly for the sake of your children, a year isn't that long it doesn't have to be that long of you can work out a financial plan but you don't need to be adding financial strain to the mix with a young son, a new born to care for and surgery to recover from and if you can't cope on your own then is it the long term plan that you'll have one each? Or am I correct in thinking this is just whilst you have a new born and recovering from your c section? If so it makes even more sense to work together and put the kids first, make a go of living amicably until the timing is better. It's not a nice situ and I do feel for you, I hope you work it out.