TW Body Dysmorphia and pregnancy.

[IvyChime]

I have body dismorphic disorder and I'm 17 weeks pregnant with my first baby.

BDD for me means I feel as though I look physically repulsive, not just ugly, actually repulsive and disgusting. It makes me feel constant shame, loneliness and self doubt. I often feel like everyone would be better off without me. I've tried to take my own life because of it in the past. Despite that! I have a pretty good life I'm good at handling my disorder and have tried to be as positive a person as I can and work hard to make my life as stable and happy as possible. I've come a long way and although I still see a monster when I look in the mirror I don't feel like I'm one on the inside too :)

But being pregnant has really isolated me from my friends (as I've been partially bed bound due to symptoms) and made me unhappy with my body, which have caused me to feel very hopeless and depressed at times.

I feel like the baby isn't mine, which I know is a sign of PPD and I'm very worried about that. I am excited about the baby, I can't wait for my first cuddle, but I'm really worried about my health and if I'll stop feeling positively about it all in the 20+ weeks I still have to go.
Is there anything I can do to prevent it?

Talk to your midwife about this urgently. Perhaps also see your gp so that you can get your healthcare team helping you.

They're already aware, but they didn't do anything. The NHS doesn't treat BDD because it costs too much and they said they'd refer me to a mental health team but the waiting list is a year long.

Could you seek counselling privately? Depression can be helped by your gp. Be persistent.

Hi, first of all congratulations on your pregnancy! I’m glad you are excited for the first cuddle that is such a positive outlook, especially considering how difficult this time has been for you.

I think as you are typing that you feel like the baby isn’t yours by also correcting yourself in the same sentence, it shows how far you have come. I definitely agree that talking about this would help enormously. Could you take out a loan to get any kind of talking therapy privately?

You say your GP is aware of your BDD by this sounds like it borders on prenatal psychosis and that is not something your GP would dismiss lightly.

If you like, feel free to pm me and I’ll help any way I can.