Girlfriend thinks she can't have kids. I want to... Complicated

[Tidsf]

So when me and my partner met. She told me off the bat she couldn't have kids. She's 35 I'm 28. I was fine with that as I already have a 2 and a half year old with an ex partner and due to my upbringing I didn't want him to go through what I did. We've been together 6 months but after that time she had a miscarriage which we both dealt with in different ways. For me after that it made me realise she's the love of my life and I'm planning to pop the question. However, for her, I know deep down she really wants a child. Particularly dealing with me and my son. I would like one more but was very hesitant about having another intialy after my son and my ex. After this scenario I've realised that infact I would like to have a child. But due to what we said when we met and the heartache of failing and my partner worries about her age. I'm wary about how I should broach the subject if I even should. I feel I should be honest even if we decide not to and I'm conscious about the way she feels and oregency at later ages. But after the unknown miscarriage I'm really not sure it could be handled or fail again.

Any advice is welcome.

Thank you

Would adoption be something you'd consider? Various people in my family are adopted and it's never been an issue. Family is who loves you.

I know couples who split up after miscarriages, it's never easy for anyone but it does seem to hit some people harder. Completely get why you'd be worried about it impacting your future if it happened again.

Honestly, I think you should just talk to her about it. It's always best to be open, listen to how she feels and make it clear that even if she can't have children you still want to be with her (I'm hoping that's the case) but that you'd like to talk about trying again. Talking to her may take the pressure off rather than add it on. If you're really worried maybe relationship counciling could be a good thing to try?

But either way she deserves you to be open with her, and you deserve to be able to be honest about what you need.

If you’re close enough to get married, you should be able to talk to her about anything, including this.

What makes her think she can't have a baby?

I would honestly, firstly discover medically, why? or if your girlfriend cannot have children, also understand a miscarriage is really upsetting, but do you know why? this happened.
But speak honestly with your girlfriend, if you do want children, perhaps, she is scared, or afraid of trying again, so its easier to say she doesn't or can't have children, think how she would feel,if you want children, and she find's out you do, and not told her honestly, she will be devastated .

You need to know if she's on the same page as you. If she would like a child too then it could be worth investigating her fertility issues or opting for adoption if pregnancy wasn't possible. Either way I think it's a good idea to let her know what you're thinking.

You firstly need to know why she can’t have children before there are any more discussions.

Did you think she couldn't conceive or couldn't carry a pregnancy? If you thought she wasn't fertile the miscarriage must have been confusing.

How did you each deal with it?

People above are right, if you're in a committed relationship and thinking about getting married then you have to be able to talk about these things.

Why can’t she have children? Is that something she’s been told by a medical professional? Is she absolutely sure she’s been told she cannot ever have children or something she just decided or misinterpreted. She’s 35, she’s not past having children.

Are you really considering a baby after being together for only 6 months?

I don't think there's anything wrong with considering things for the future. OP sees a future with this woman obviously and they are both adults.

I would think there’s lots to consider first, the OP’s other child for a start, living together and getting on, marriage possibly, finances. Quite a lot really other than a permanent human being in your life.

She believed she can't have kids, yet she conceived and had a miscarriage? That must have been very surprising and confusing for her. Has she sought a medical expanation?

If she is able to carry a pregnancy medically, then 35+ is a perfectly normal age to have a child. Many, many women have children between 35-39.

So, does she think she might want to? If so, it's worth looking into how.

There's no mad rush to go ahead, though obviously the sooner you start ttc the more time you have.

I mean the better chance you have.