Family making my life hell

[Chloe98GLH]

So my family hate my boyfriend I found out yesterday I'm pregnant and they have all gone mad and want me to have an abortion but that's not what I want has anyone else's family's made there life hell at such a joyful and happy time? Me and my partner are over the moon but it's just getting me down everyone being nasty trying to tell me what to do

Congratulations xxxx

I have 3 children and have been through this each time 🙈 MIL hates me. It's really horrible but try not to focus on them. You are having a baby - that's the only thing that matters now, their opinions are irrelevant xx

Your own family said they wanted you to have an abortion when you announced your pregnancy?!

Are you under 18? Is your boyfriend abusive or criminal? Those are the only reasons I can think of that would possibly result in their response. If not, then your family are being unjustifiably horrible. I wouldn't blame you if you stopped contact with them for the sake of your mental health.

What's their reasons for disliking him?
How long have you been together?
Are you in a stable position to be having a baby?

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Family can be brutal, but sometimes their intentions are well meaning... we need more information x

I'm 20 and there isn't a reason they think I'm to young and we don't live on our own and they don't like him because they haven't met him as they won't let him stay here and his mum don't mind so I'm always over his but I'm worried about him meeting my family now after everything they have been saying it's really getting to me and I'm getting to the point are they right? Should I listen? I'm stuck and I'm struggling with it and I'm so stressed it's like living in a war zone xxxx

The bottom line is that it is 100% up to you what you do, don't feel pressured into considering an abortion unless you definitely want to end the pregnancy for yourself.

Is there any way you can move in together somewhere well before the baby is born? That would seem to be the priority, you should have a chance to learn to live together before the big change that comes with having a baby. Is there room for you at your boyfriends house?

That's what iv been told if I keep the baby I'll have to leave and live with him he has spoke to his parents and they don't mind but I don't want to just yet I want to work for a few months and save them if I have to go to his and then we can carry on saving for our own place I just feel really bullied really and it's not even my dad that's saying it it's my nan who thinks she can say what she wants she even said just have a abortion and don't tell my partner I can't believe the things she is saying it's so hurtful that's my baby I love it already and I want to keep it they don't know but the baby was planned I never thought my family would of acted like this xxx

Congratulations on your wonderful news your family will mellow when you have that beautiful or handsome baby. A newborn can melt Evan the most frozen heart. I hope that's the case anyway

I'd try not to think about any demands or ultimatums from your family, and just plan for your future without needing to rely on them. You could point out to your parents and your Nan that they are going to damage their relationship with their grandchild/great-grandchild if they carry on being so cruel to you. But don't get into an ongoing argument about it, say it once and then if they continue to be unpleasant just act like a broken record and keep repeating something simple like "I'm sorry you feel that way".

I have tried to explain to them but they don't care I can't say they it's just my nan my dad isn't saying a lot I think it's big news and I lost my mum 2 years ago so I know if she was here it would all be different and I would have her to help and that's what my dad said he also said it's my decision but it's fly comments about I'll be in a scabby hospital and I'll only have his mum and sister and she keeps saying he will leave me and we won't stay together and we will have nothing it's really getting to me my partner knows most of what she has said but not all as he needs to meet my dad next week and I can't afford them not getting on it's just killing me inside the way I'm feeling this should be such a happy time of my life and it don't feel it at all sometimes I'm laying awake thinking why did we plan this and I wish I hadn't of told my family I shouldn't have to be like this xxx

Your parents haven’t met your boyfriend because they won’t let him stay over? Could he not just visit during the day?

You sound a very young 20 in a very young relationship with another young person. If you were my daughter I would be advising you to have a termination and finish/start some further education so you can properly provide for a future family. If you’re working full time at 20 you are most likely working in a minimum wage job with few prospects.

You won’t change their minds so all you can do is change how you react to them.
If you can’t shut down the conversation with words can you walk away? When it starts just get up and go to your room or go out.
When my family used to try and bully me when I was younger I started to do this and they eventually gave up because they knew they couldn’t get a reaction from me.

I agree with FacingUp that it's pointless to try and explain or persuade them to change their opinions. The best thing to do is to give it minimal reaction and if they don't stop the walking away is good advice.

I hope that your boyfriend is meeting your Dad somewhere where your Nan won't be around?

Congratulations

It could just be because they are worried about you at the moment, and their worry is coming out as anger.
My son is 18 and at university and he’s been with his girlfriend for 4 yeare. She is on the pill and they use condoms as they know how hard being young parents is (me and ds dad were 19). They also know if anything happened we would support their decision however not finishing university is an option, they would have to continue and commute each day.
So maybe your family is just worrying about your futrue, your education, your future career. How will you financially support yourselfs etc?