Holiday with 8 week old baby?

[buntingandstarcharts]

Hello all, I maybe have posted on the wrong topic here but I'd really like your help.

My parents in law (who I love and who are lovely and generous) are booking a villa in Italy for two weeks over the summer. All the family will be going, and every year we go and have a great time.

However, this year, my husband and I are expecting our first baby. It is due 8 weeks before the holiday is booked and I know that most babies do not come on their due date so it could be even younger! I'm feeling really anxious about going as I've no idea how I will be feeling and I imagine that I will need some time to get my head around motherhood without the added pressure of going away. However, I do not want to let my husband and family down, they're excited and have offered to help me a lot.

I am looking for advice from people who have babies/children already. How would you have felt if you were in the position with your first baby? I genuinely don't know what to do ☹️☹️

If the baby is late, which many 1st babies are - it'll be very tight to get a passport in time. 2 years ago, we had a minimum 2 week wait for a registry office appointment to get the birth certificate (and that was in an office 15 miles away), you have to have an acceptable photo which someone from the right profession has to certify for you, and then it all has to go to the passport office (they didn't used to do fast turnaround on first passports but don't know if that's still the case). It'll be particularly difficult if either you or the baby have any complications after the birth when paperwork would probably the last thing on your mind. If there were any ongoing complications you might also not be ready to travel with what could potentially be only a 6 week old baby.

We went to a wedding overseas when DS was 10 weeks, but we booked flights last minute about 2 weeks prior to going once his passport arrived and once we were sure he was settled enough we would be happy travelling with him.

Do you have to decide now or could you wait and see? The only other thing that would worry me is the temperature - babies don't deal well with heat particularly new borns, how hot will that bit of Italy be?

@Teddyreddy thank you so much for your response - it is exactly the kind of info I need to make an informed decision. It's hot... over 30 and there are A LOT of mosquitos (which I am already worrying about).

Late baby/complications after birth/immunisations/passport stress sounds like enough let alone packing bags for a holiday with baby essentials.

I feel so torn; his family will be absolutely gutted as they have been talking about how wonderful it will be with a baby there, they've offered to help pay for flights too which is so kind. But the villa is an hour from any towns which they will want to go to for dinners etc and 2 hours from the airport. I'm also worrying that the baby will keep everyone else awake which won't be fun for them (or us).

I had a little cry, pregnancy hormones and feeling like this is a massive deal ☹️

Would they consider compromising and booking somewhere in the UK for this one year? Otherwise, I just don't see how you can say yes at this stage - without a passport you can't go! I'm also not sure how booking the flights would work - you have to book for an infant even if they don't have a seat - but you can't book them until you have a name and a date of birth. Youd have to check the airline would let you add any infant at a later date even if the flight was fully booked.

As someone who has had 2 DC a 30 C heat (and potentially much hotter) with a new born would worry me. Both of mine wanted nothing else than to be carried for the first few weeks - it's like having a little hot water bottle attached to you and you'd have to worry about them over heating too! People obviously live in hot countries and cope with having babies, but that doesn't mean it's not much more pleasant dealing with them when it's cooler!

With the distances you mention they aren't very practical with a newborn, particularly to do regularly. They aren't supposed to spend more than 30 minutes at a time in a car seat because there is a small risk they stop breathing properly, see www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/warning-over-babies-sleeping-in-car-seats/ . They also have a tendency to decide they want feeding again shortly after you set off / last stopped and then they poo - we didn't do many but one supposedly 2 hour 45 minute journey we had to stop 4 times, it took 4 hours...

Sorry you are getting so stressed about it, pregnancy hormones make dealing with this sort of thing very difficult. I think you have to go with what you feel is right for you - my experience is that the offers of help rarely extend to being the one up at 2 am pacing with a miserable baby.

If it's stressing you out this much already, I'd politely decline this year, for all the reasons that have already been pointed out.

However, on the other hand, I'm going to have to take our ~8 week old DC2 to Germany for my sister's wedding in the summer, assuming that we can actually get a passport/visa post Brexit disaster. It's not going to be easy but I couldn't miss it, and I know my family will be supportive - plus northern Germany is probably not quite as hot as Italy!

My DD is 8 weeks today and I'm not sure I could manage 2 weeks away with all the travel and disruption. We are asking extended family to visit us at the moment.

Not to say it couldn't be done, but I don't think I would be up for it!

It sounds lovely. Although I have had 4DC and a holiday with family might have been perfect with DC no 4 maybe not with no 1. What I can say is DC travel well, they sleep alot so travel isnt going to be the issue. Its whether you can cope with so many people being around with a new baby. As I say with DC1 i would have freaked but was far more relaxed after him .... it may be lovely and you could get alot of help but in the other hand you may get distressed an overwhelmed.... really difficult to know until the little one arrives.

Thank you so much again for your advice, it's valuable as I truly have no idea how I will feel post baby. @Emelene and @bollockswhogivesashitreally it's extremely helpful to know that you need/needed space for the first few weeks with first baby. I think I could easily feel overwhelmed getting to the villa and with all the disruption of sorting passport/packing etc. It just seems a shame to pass up on a holiday, but I think I'm going to have to take your advice and say that I'm not in a position to book to come prior to the birth and that we will reconsider once the baby arrives (by which time flights will be £££ and we won't be able to afford it anyway🤣).

@Teddyreddy I didn't even think about the car seat times, but you're right, it might disrupt the family holiday more than they might like if we are stopping every 20 mins (haha). Also, a tiny hot water bottle attached to me at 30 degree heat might kill us all, plus night heat and crying - it's just seeming too much right now. Politely decline as @SockQueen says is the way forward for now. Thanks for your support, much more sensitive than my husband who said I was being too negative about it all!

Mine were both awake multiple times in the night at that age and fought naps. Going away would have been a nightmare.

Some babies travel well and sleep anywhere but at this stage you don’t know which kind you’ll get.

Sorry to be the voice of doom. If you can play by ear then great but if it has to be a yes or a no right now then I’d pick no.

I suspect the enthusiastic family members may be imagining a 5/6/7 month old baby rather than an 8 week or less baby - very different prospect.

I'm not sure I would want to go too far 8 weeks after the birth. It's our first and we are waiting until he's arrived before we book anywhere to gauge his temperament and how knackered we will be!

I travelled long haul when my baby was 3 weeks. Assuming you can get a birth certificate appointment, if only takes 1 week to get a passport (costs extra for the fast track).

You can go but I don't think you will be up for it OP

I have a 9 week old who would be 7 weeks if she’d arrived on her due date and I’d cheerfully take her on holiday. She’s had several dinners out already and lots of being held by family and friends. However, there is no way I’d go to somewhere that we had to drive for dinner every day, it would be a nightmare with travel times and exhausting. I also wouldn’t share a villa with other people, the baby will wake them in the night then they will wake you (and the baby) in the morning when you want to sleep in or are napping.
Plus, this is my second baby, there is absolutely no way I’d have contemplated it with my first, at 6 weeks I was still bleeding, needed support with breastfeeding, was getting 4 or 5 hours of broken sleep at night. Just politely decline.

I'm doing it with number 4 and where I am a little apprehensive I know it'll actually be more relaxing than at home in the six weeks holiday with my other 3 wanting to go out everyday. My midwife seemed to think it'll be fine and I know what I'll need etc. I think first baby is a bit different, I agree it's a massive shock and getting used to motherhood and the emotional side too is something I didn't bargain for, you simply don't know how you'll feel, you could be early and be well into the stride of things or you could just want time at home with your little family. Could you perhaps add on last minute if you decide you want to go? X

Personally, I wouldn't. I'd be worried about them picking something up on the plane, or falling ill over there, generally not being near a support network (I know Italy has healthcare but even so!)

Plus really for the first few months it's hard enough to manage to put socks on and keep yourself going, nevermind packing and sitting in an airport etc. Sorry to be doom and gloom but the first few holidays we had with DD were crap as it was just more work than being at home, and kind of ironically so as you're surrounded by other people enjoying themselves and relaxing when you stress out.

I'd either decline or leave it open. It's hard to tell how things will work out.

I went away with my 2nd and 3rd children when they were each 8 weeks old (once abroad, once in the UK), but wouldn't have been brave enough to do it with my 1st. Having said that, it was fine and it was nice having dh around for 2 weeks when usually he'd have been at work.

So... I completely understand why you're reticent and you'd be completely reasonable to say no, but if you do go ahead I reckon it'll be fine. Good luck!

Hello OP. I took ds to Italy when he was 8 weeks old to visit family. I'd planned to breast feed but it didn't work out that way and doing bottles abroad was a night mare! They don't sell pre made milk in supermarkets only pharmacies, and it is really expensive.
Extra luggage, buying nappies etc . If i could go back in time I would not have gone.

True - I was bf which made things very easy.

Thanks everyone for your valuable opinions, it has helped me massively. We've declined for now and have said that we might book last minute if all goes well. You're all fab xxxxxx

We will be going away in August and my second is due in June. It will be a home from a home for us staying in a villa. As it is my second one, we know the drill and are ready to crack on so not sure how you will cope with it being your first, you may find it overwhelming, or you may embrace it. Either way do whatever you want. I would say go and see how you get on. If anything, you have all your family around to help for 2 weeks!! Take advantage of that! On the flip side, you will be finding your feet with routines etc. I was extremely anxious with my first and couldn't imagine going away with him but at that age they are sooooo easy!! They sleep most of the day, and just want cuddles. Its when they are toddlers I personally think its harder. You will sort out the logistics im sure in regards to passport etc. On the gov website it says 3 weeks for a new child's passport. See if you can book your registry appointment in advance. Good luck whatever you decide.