Pregnancy worries..pls help!

[Thundered]

NC for this as I’m worried it’s a little outing. I don’t usually post on this one though but anyway..

I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant with our first LO, after a significant amount of time TTC we are both very happy. I’ve not had the easiest of pregnancies so far from HG which is now finally improving whilst still taking the medication for it. I’ve had severe constipation, piles, head aches, lost weight and had almost 12 weeks off work. Whilst DP is understanding and been amazing, there are times I feel he doesn’t quite grasp how poorly I’ve been or because I’m feeling better now I’m over it. He’s not realising the MH side (I’m not depressed) but it’s a massive change for somebody really independent to laying in bed all day unable to move. I feel awful typing it but at the height of my HG I literally selfishly thought I can’t do it anymore, this was weeks after being sick, all day everyday. I used to lay on the floor and drag myself closer to the loo to be sick and then lie on the floor, it was horrible.

Anyway I’ve mentioned that as it kinda links, we’ve recently been talking about me giving birth, I’m absolutely terrified as the weeks are rolling past now. I’m scared of a vaginal birth and a C Section. I’ve already been told it’s a possible CS as I have a low lying placenta. My DM keeps saying I’ll need to have a C Section as I’m ‘tiny.’ I’m not and it’s starting to annoy me. I’m a 8-10, healthy BMI & slim yes but not somebody you’d look at twice and think ‘wow she’s petite or skinny” I’m healthy. So that’s worrying me as it’s major surgery. DP doesn’t understand my concerns and thinks a vaginal birth will be best anyway, again I’m so scared. I’m scared LO will get stuck, I’ll tear or be cut, I’ll be in pure agony & wont have the strength to do it. I’ve never realised how squeamish I was until I’ve fell pregnant I had to take some supportries a month or so back for the first time and I was literally crying my eyes out, it took an hour for me to come around to the idea anyway (pathetic I know) to the point DP thought something had happened to me because of the complete over reaction. He had to do it for me and I just cried afterwards. I’m not sure if it’s hormones or if its linked to an abortion I had 9 years ago where they put one tablet up there to stop infections and it was an awful experience in general. I just don’t know.

With the sickness, the constipation and being completely squeamish I just dont know what to do. I’m leaning towards a CS more purely because I think i won’t be as distressed. However DP just doesn’t grasp what I’m saying, it’s very much “you’ll be fine” and “vaginal will be better for the LO” he’s not taking me seriously which is adding to my worries.

Sorry for the long post, I needed to get this out. Is this a normal feeling as it’s my first baby? Am I just a hormonal wreck who’s thinking completely crazy? I honestly thought I was a lot bloody stronger than this. I have a midwife appointment coming up shortly so was going to discuss with her but I’m really interested to hear your thoughts/experiences.

FTM here and i reckon it’s normal to be honest. I’ve not been thinking about the birth that much though as I figure the baby has to come out one way or another so what’s the point in worrying about it how it comes out. Too late now Just been doing yoga and breathing techniques in the case it ends up being a natural birth etc. Our body is capable of doing this else we wouldn’t be doing it Speak to your midwife about it though as hopefully it will ease some of your worries after discussing. Hope your anxiety around it reduces soon.

Also men are useless and I feel pregnancy can be a very lonely time because of all the changes we are experiencing yet they aren’t effected in the slightest by it. We do have to deal with more shit!

Good luck

The 'your tiny' theory is bollocks, i'm about 5ft, size 8-10 and have had four vaginal births, no tears or cuts. Babies weighing between 7lb8 and 8lb9

You can do this op

I'm 26&6, also with my first. Lots of my friends have had babies in the last though and I think your worries are completely normal. The strength of your feelings sounds higher than normal, but with the HG, your history, etc, that's understandable. You're doing the right thing by taking to your midwife as everyone's MH is a bit delicate during pregnancy and it sounds like it's time for support from someone who knows what they're talking about.

Are you planing to give birth in hospital or at a birth centre? In a birth centre, you can often make use of things like water births and the atmosphere is more conducive to bring calm and relaxed. In a hospital, you get the drugs. (This is simplified, I know). But which option appeals more to you? It might be worth finding out about the options in each setting so you can see which you feel more comfortable with.

Also, have you thought of hypnobirthing? I'm booked in for next week, as recommended by one friend, who has MH issues and I often consider Biggest Worrier On Earth. She felt just like you before the classes but ended up looking forward to the birth. After, she described the birth as a very positive experience. Maybe it could help you too.

Good luck and congratulations. You get to be a mummy soon! 💐

When I was terrified of giving birth again (during my second pregnancy, after a horrible first experience), what made a massive difference to me was reading books on natural childbirth.

Focusing on how amazing our female bodies are and the fact that they are literally designed to give birth.

I would recommend every pregnant woman reads:

Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth
Grantly Dick Read's Childbirth Without Fear
Hypnobirthing by Marie Mongan
Birth Skills by JuJu Sundin

Seriously life changing!

I totally understand where you’re coming from. I can’t aay much that hasn’t been said already but I had the same comments from MIL about being able to have a vaginal birth because I’m so small. Told my mum about it who immediately shut it down. She’s 4’11 and was a size 6 when she gave birth to me. Slightly heavier with my siblings. She had 3 vaginal births and was told by her doctor that height and weight have nothing to do with ability to have a vaginal birth - it’s all about pelvic capacity.

You can do it OP.

I know this because I managed to do it. It will hurt, unfortunately, but you do cope. Somehow.

Talk to your midwife about a birth plan. It will help you to know your various options on pain management and what will likely happen.

My advice would be to take all the pain drugs they offer you. You may also benefit from trying hypnobirthing.

Thanks for the comments ladies.

The tiny theory I know is ridiculous, I’ve tried to explain this to DM but she starts talking about people she knows who are skinny and needed c sections because of their frame; it’s got nothing to do with a medical condition apparently. I’m just sick of hearing it!

I never thought about a birth centre, I just thought of a hospital. I’m thinking the hospital route anyway, the one near me has a really good reputation so that’s quite a relief. I will look into a birth centre though, thank you for the suggestion. I’ll look into hypnobirthing too, glad I posted this now!

Thanks for the book recommendations too, this will keep me busy. I’m really excited to become a mum, I’m just looking forward to holding the LO in my arms now.

Thank you again

Please buy the digital pack from the positive birth company if you can afford it, it’s about £40.

I had a horrible birth experience with my daughter 15 years ago. I’m now 38 weeks pregnant with my second and the pack has been an absolute life saver, I’m almost looking forward to labour!

I cried listening to Siobhan who takes the course talking about her first birth, it was an almost carbon copy of mine. I wish the course had been available years ago.

This stuff should be taught to all pregnant women.

I’m halfway through an online hypnobirthing course from the Positive Birth Company and have found it amazingly reassuring. It’s for all types of birth and very grounded in common sense. I highly recommend it for anyone feeling anxious about birth.

Cross post with @sexnotgender !

Mindful Hypnobirthing by Sophie Fletcher is also good, helping you learn about what happens before/during/after birth and what your body can do. Free MP3 downloads too.

I’ve got the Sophie Fletcher book too and have found the positive birth company digital pack more helpful.

Oooh thank you, I’ll have a look into that x

Hi guys. I'm 6wks pregnant with my 2nd child and I've been having light bleeding and cramping for a few days. Not enough to wear a pad or liner just seeing when wiping after a wee. Yesterday it looked like small clots in there too. I didnt have any of this on my son.... is it normal??

Leah that could be nothing as many women experience something like this and go on to have a normal pregnancy. Or unfortunately it could mean something. But the fact that it’s light is a good sign! If you have a early pregnancy unit near you it may be worth giving them a call and seeing what they say. If not and it carries on give the GP a call on Monday morning. Most of all try not to worry!!

I enjoyed listening to hypnobirthing videos on YouTube. It did relax me.
I had a very easy normal delivery with my first, in a midwife unit attached to a hospital. It was lovely and calm and I was back to doing normal things the next day.

I don't know why people think a c-section is easier - surely the recovery from a major operation afterwards while also looking after a newborn is terrible!

Keep an open mind and your options open. It's normal to worry. What no one tells you is that the labour is easy - it's looking after the baby that's hard!!

Thanks @Hiphopopotamous

Both options scare me however if I really had to choose it would be C Section purely as I’ve outlined above however, I agree with you’re saying and don’t see it as an easy way out. Fingers crossed my birth is easy as yours x

@Leahmarchant
Sorry to hear that, I’d definately monitor the light bleeding. If it does get worse or you are really worrying don’t be afraid to get it checked out! As a PP says with it being ‘light’ it is a good sign however can appreciate you’ll be worrying. Hope you feel better soon

Hi I am currently 27 weeks expecting number 5! I've had 3 natural births and one section (second baby was breech) and honestly I much prefer a natural labour. I would even say I love being in labour (probably why I'm on my 5th lol) yes it's painful but don't listen to everyone's horror stories they always make things sound worse and everyone's experience is different. 2 of my natural labour's were inductions and again these are not as bad as I thought they would be. You are closely monitored throughout and gas and air is a god send (it's the only pain relief I've ever had) I was terrified when expecting my first and tied myself up in knots but it was an amazing experience and it really is true you forget all about it once you are holding your baby. I have never had any tears and intervention either. Just try and relax and enjoy it