I need help

[Missydoo]

Hello everyone
I'm new today, a bit of a back story.
I'm 30 with a 5 year old little boy with my ex.
I've been with my current partner for 3 years. He has a child with a previous fling who shamefully tricked him in to the pregnancy and told him she aborted it... Then 8 months ( they split shortly after thr 'termination ' ) later finds out she's given birth . He's been traumatised by this ever since.
We have a few issues in a relationship, mainly dating back to September just gone where I caught him casually messaging " an old friend "
It was over the line and flirty and it has destroyed my confidence. He understands, apologised profusely and has tried to move on from it. I'm finding it hard to let go if this issue. He knew it was my worst fear.. to catch him messaging someone. Maybe I'm being over the top I don't know? She came in to his work a couple of times added each other on Facebook and basically went from there. I messaged her she backed off and he's tried hard since. Anyway fastfoward to today. A few wobbles from me and feeling insecure, I tend to jump down his throat at anything I find a threat these days for example he accepted a co workers friend request on Facebook and before I gave him a chance to talk or explain my insecurities go wild in my head and I become a demon who assumes the worst.
Well ... today I found out I'm pregnant. It's something I've wanted. But I don't know if I'm in the right place mentally for this. I'm very very insecure about the past... 2 points to this

1. Because I'll become fat, grumpy, unattractive and will he find someone else ?
2. His previous experience, does that mean he'll run? Get scared? Does that mean because he is scared he will find someone else for comfort.

Before anyone jumps to conclusions, my coil failed, I was on the mirena.

I'm so full of worries and anxieties.. is this normal? How do we become a normal couple again? Will I ever feel happy again? How do I go about help with all of this. I've been accepted to university to start in October... I got 2 holidays booked this year.. Litteraly head is all over the place I'm so scared girls.

Thanks in advance for any help! It means alot right now!

@Missydoo Firstly congratulation on your pregnancy

I went through something similar with hubby and his best friend, they had known each other for over 10 years and worked together, while i never had an issue with him having female friends, I felt like their relationship at times crossed the bounders of friendship. She is married with 2 kids yet seemed to constantly message/call my hubby, sometimes it was at 2am for a casual chat. Hubby told me she was going through a tough marriage but I didn't understand why she felt the need to let it all out to another married man and sometimes I would see the messaged and there was a few kisses emoji or 'X' which again he said were nothing but I disagreed. It cause a lot of strain on our marriage I let wondering if there was more to their friendship than they let on. Hubby always tried to show me that I had nothing to worry about and that there was nothing more to their relationship and the only reason that they spoke so much was because they had been best friends for so long.

1 night she messaged him and I saw her name on his phone and he moved it, that was the final straw for me because I felt as though if you have nothing to hide, then why do that. He tried to make me understand that he only did that because knew I would get annoyed.

Long story short it literally came down to me feeling so unsure I was ready to walk away from my marriage because I felt like his friendship was taking priority over our marriage. In the end he cut her out, removed her from all forms of social media and has stopped talking to her. They still work together so I assume they see each other here and there which Is fine, as long as she isn't calling/messaging him constantly I'm cool with it.

That was almost a year ago and since then, I'm even more laid back which has done us well. the pregnancy has made us so much stronger as a couple and they say a baby really does bring you closer. If he is willing to make the effort and he' has shown you that then give him the benefit of the doubt.

Have you told him your pregnant? don't worry until you have a reason too. This pregnancy fingers crossed could be the best thing that happened to you. Yes your body will change and there may be things that he doesn't like (hubby not to impressed with the amount of hair I've grown due to hormones) but if he really loves you, he'll look past all of that and understand that all the changes are because of the wonderful thing happening inside of you.

You need to have the conversation with him before you make any assumptions. Xx

a previous fling who shamefully tricked him in to the pregnancy

Sorry no, she may have lied about having a termination but pregnancy is a possible outcome of sex so he’s not innocent there. And if he tries to use that experience as an excuse to leave/cheat then sorry but he’s just an ar$ehole.

You’ve been through an awful time and I can understand why you feel insecure, you don’t deserve to feel like that. All you can do is tell him, talk to him about how you feel and see if he will support you, and then decide what you want. You are supposed to be the person that he loves more than anything in the world regardless of how you look when you’re pregnant or otherwise, and if he doesn’t then you deserve better.

Unless she forced him into having sex she did not trick him into having a baby. He was an adult who I assumed knows how babies are made.

It must be very difficult if you have a partner that you can’t you can’t trust. If you get MN to move this to relationships you will get some good advice.

Thanks so much for the replies. I'm absolutely all over the place. This was unexpected. I did want another child but not until I started uni and got our holidays out the way.
You are right with regards to him, if he doesn't step up then he obviously isn't for me. I'm so scared! My previous pregnancy with my ex I had been with him 11 years, was secure safe and no worries. This is a whole different ball game, I've never experienced so many worries.
I do believe we can work through these anxieties and worries, he's known around town for being the guy that texts other girls etc.. A few people mentioned it to me when we got together, but this is his first serious proper relationship, with a house and bills and family life and he enjoys it.. ( I think? Lol) so I'm hoping this is his time to settle down. I guess only time will tell ?
Do you think it would be worth going to see my Dr to help address my anxieties and depression whilst I'm pregnant?
He's still in shock and hasn't really responded much to me since I've told him. Which is making he feel 100 times worse 😫