Ex family and him don't want anything to do with the baby

[Sop29929282]

I don't know what I'm hoping for by writing this, I'm just so alone and I have literally nobody else I can speak too. I have no family; I have some half sisters that I barely know, my dad died a few years ago and me and my mum don't have a good relationship and she lives with her new husband in Australia. I had a really good relationship with my nan but she passed last year.

Ex partner is French but living in the UK, we weren't going out for long, only a few months. We were using condoms, clearly one of them failed because I am now 14 weeks pregnant. We are both 20. I told him I was pregnant and he wasn't happy, he asked me to get an abortion and emotionally manipulated me, telling me it would ruin his life and career and his families too as he says his family relies on him for money because his mum is sick and can't work so he has to pay for her living costs as well as her medical bills.

I tried to get the abortion but I just couldn't. I sat in the chair last week ready to go ahead with the procedure and I remembered my tiny baby and it's heartbeat on the scan and I got dressed and walked away. He promised if I did the abortion he would be there for me but I didn't.

I told him I'm keeping the baby and he wasn't happy at all. He said he can't be with someone who knows how much doing this will affect his life and he doesn't want this baby. He blocked me on all forms of contact and has told me not to contact him because he doesn't want involvement with me or the child.

Lastnight I received messages from his mum, she speaks some English but i think she was using an online translator. The messages are saying basically that I'm disgusting for not getting an abortion and that my only intention was to ruin life's. That I have no respect for myself to engage in sex with someone without being married. That I'm trying to profit on ruining someone's life (I assume she's talking about child support but I haven't once mentioned that) that I have what I want at any cost. That this baby is not her son's and he isn't taking a DNA test nor is he being involved and as far as she's concerned he doesn't have a baby especially with someone like me. That I'm not thinking of her son or the baby and that she hopes the baby doesn't live. That I'm a childish girl and her son will be leaving this child etc etc

I'm heartbroken. How can a grandmother be so cruel about her unborn grandchild. I thought at the least she would have acknowledged the situation and agreed to talk to her son not been even more horrible than him.

I don't even know what to do now. I've been made out that I'm selfish for keeping this baby and that my mission is to destroy life's and that I'm disgusting and have no self respect. My child will have no family for things like Christmas and birthdays because as I said, i have no close relatives and I'm being manipulated to think that maybe all what theyre saying about me is true. I feel like now it's kinder to get an abortion, I really don't want to especially with being quite far along but I can't do this on my own, I could have done this on my own but now with all their personal attacks I'm doubting I can

Hi OP, what a horrible situation for you, so sorry you have to deal with this. I don’t really know how to advise you here, but I will say that it sounds like you’re well rid of him whether you proceed with the pregnancy or not. His mother sounds like a real peach, sounds like you should count yourself lucky she won’t be in your life.

It takes two to make a baby so if you decide to keep the baby I would 1000% pursue him for child support, legally he hasn’t got a leg to stand on. A potential outcome of sex is a baby, the end.

Maybe see a midwife and talk to them about getting some counselling? It may help.

You sound so lonely and scared, I don't have much advice but I don't want to walk away from you without replying.

You will be ok. If he doesn't want involved in his baby's life, he's the one missing out. His mother is spiteful and cruel and please don't take her words to heart.

I support the choice to terminate but it sounds like you want your child. You can do it. There are support groups, charities, you will get through this. You are stronger than you think

What horrible people. Well, see it from another perspective, they’ve saved both you and your child the unkindness of them being involved because they sound truly disgusting. Wishing for your unborn child to die is a truly hideous thing to say to anybody, especially about her own grandchild.
Interesting that you are the one who shouldn’t have had sex with someone you’re not married to, I bet she didn’t say that to her son who is incapable of taking responsibility.
You took precautions and got pregnant, not your fault, not trying to trick him, not hoping for a child. But the reality is that you are pregnant and you don’t want to terminate and that’s perfectly fine. I understand how overwhelming it must feel to be alone in this but make it clear to your midwife that you need support. Speak to your friends about it and try and get some real life support. But most of all, think about yourself and your future and what YOU want, don’t take abuse from these awful people and bloody well go after him for maintainance, them not liking it doesn’t mean he’s not responsible. Don’t let them walk over you. Be strong and be glad these disgusting people want no part of it.

If Romeo didn't want to have babies, he should have abstained from sex. If that message is actually from his mother, then she sounds demented and you are best shot of him and his family. If she is indeed receiving money from her son, then a new baby threatens that income, so this is her motivation.

If you want this baby, and think you can do it alone, then go for it. There are lots of antenatal classes, baby groups, breastfeeding support groups, local mums Facebook groups where you can reach out to people and ultimately make friends and a nice routine for yourself during mat leave. If you can afford it I would recommend booking NCT ante natal classes as you meet lovely supportive people here.

When baby arrives you will find him or her the most magnificent creature you ever set your eyes on, and they grow up so fast. You will find you have a much better companion in your son or daughter than you do with the French shit head.

If you do decide to have the child you should definitely go for child support but I don't know what would happen if your ex scarpers back home.

What a twat.

It's his choice not to be involved/hands on and that's fine - he's shown his true colours so it sounds like you're better off without him breathing your air. It's YOUR choice to keep the baby - no one else's!!

Please don't respond to his 'mother'. Again, it's a waste of your energy. You sound far more mature at 20 than her...

Find support - here, midwife, gp. Maybe now is time to get back in touch with your half sisters? But maybe not - you'll know better on that score than me!

If you want this, you can make it work. He doesn't have a choice but to support his child. It could get messy if he goes back to France, so not sure I'd rely on him at all.

Her words sound fairly desperate to me, so much so I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually him.

These people are toxic. Do not doubt yourself off the back of their vile words. You will manage. No one knows how to be a parent until they do it. You will build a network of friends and your family will grow. Things won't always be like this. Don't let him ruin your happiness.

So sorry for the way you've been treated. I felt cross just reading that vile woman's words to you, the apple clearly doesn't fall far from the tree but take no notice at all, they can't bully you into a termination, that is a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life and if you don't feel it's right for you you have absolutely done the right thing. I wouldn't engage with her again, it's none of her business anyway and you really can't argue with the stupid or the evil, they will never give up their warped ways. The baby will turn out to be the most important person in your world and this doubt will leave you when you meet them. Have you friends you can talk to? Xx