Opinions

[karmenshaniya]

This is my first post and I'm interested in your opinion. I am 19 years old turning 20 this July, my boyfriend of nearly 5 years is 20 and 21 this June. We've both had multiple discussions of having a baby and are kind of on the fence as to whether or not we are too young?

I'm a carer/support worker for people with disabilities and he buys and sells houses (and a landlord) so we are both financially stable. We are moving into our own place within this month hopefully and feel happy with where we are at.

Were just looking for other opinions from people that were unfamiliar with. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE TO REPLIES.

I don't believe it should have anything to do with your age. It's whether you think you're able to handle a baby and provide them with the best life possible.

I'm 21, married and expecting our baby any day now!

Honestly I’d say it’s the perfect time for you both. I’m 38 now pregnant for the second time - well, it’s much easier when you’re young. Given I’m fit, slim and active - still incomparable with how it felt for the 1st time when I was 33. I don’t really regret having babies that late but for my daughter I want it to happen when she’s younger than me.. grown up children young parents, what can be better? Plus you, as you say, are both financially stable.. no brainer for me, really. But I don’t know you so apologies for any wrong assumptions.

Sorry, but I think you are both ridiculously young to be even thinking of having a baby.

Disclaimer- my DC are older than both of you and are in no way ready for the responsibility of children.

I was nearly 30 when I had my first, I wasn't ready until then.

@Jaguarana
Everyone is ready for children at different points in their life.
I've been financially stable as I've had many different jobs and savings since I was 14. I am in full time work. My husband also earns a substantial wage. We are happily married. We have our own house. We lived our crazy party years at university and got bored of it very quickly.

I could not imagine waiting another ten years to have children. We can't wait to have our little one and take them with us to experience the world first hand.

I wouldn't at 19.

At 19 I was at uni life was fun.. I had my freedom.

I do some more stuff like travel... holidays together etc.

I'd also want a commitment like marriage before I even considered having a child with someone. Despite knowing them for ages, children change the dynamics of relationships.

Also remember it's only a "baby" for a year they do grow up... what about the cost of childcare.

Get a puppy instead and just enjoy both your independence and each other.

SadCupCake that's lovely & I'm happy for you & wish you all the best.

But my comments were directed to the OP who asked for opinions. I gave mine, which is that your 20s are for having fun & building your career without being tied down by children.

Each to their own of course.

If you are asking it sounds like you want a way out, just trust what you want. Your decision, no one can can it for you, nor should anyone judge you regardless

I don't think it's about your age, but I'd wait a little to see how things go when you move in together (that is, if you're not already living together and you're just moving to a place of your own). Even if know each other well, it takes a while to get used to each others living habits and preferences, and this often comes with its own tensions.

I would wait a bit, what’s the rush? I’ve been with my partner 8 years (28 now) and we have had some amazing times together, on holidays and just hanging out. In the early days we were totally broke but we’ve both worked hard and had good career progression— we look look back at every stage of our 20s really fondly and I got to have beautiful times with my partner that I wouldn’t trade for anything. We are having a baby now and time feels perfect - we are both ready for the fact that this little baby will come before everything else.

So I would say enjoy your time with your partner, just being able to hang out/go for dinner/ cinema/ stay in bed all day 😂 or whatever you like doing. Plenty of time for a baby but you never get that time back.

Well it would have been too young for me (I spent my 20’s at uni/living abroad/developing my career/doing whatever I wanted really and loving every minute) but I’m not you! Only you and your partner can make the decision.

If you're going to take time out of work I would get married first for legal / financial reasons, but other than that I don't see why you should be too young if it's what you want! I'm 43 and just had my fourth!!

I personally wouldn't at 19. When I look at the people around me that are a similar age, my younger brother, my apprentice at work, family members, friends' siblings, they are no way near ready for children. And these are people from all walks of life, for example, my younger brother is a qualified mortgage adviser with a higher paid job than any of the friends his age so he's financially capable, but is he ready to give up his freedom to go shopping, play his xbox, go for drinks, go on holiday, at the drop of a hat? Not yet.

You haven't even seen out your teens yet. I'd wait another couple of years. Settle in to your own place first.

You're going to struggle with your job whilst pregnant so you may want to think of a career change before you get pregnant. It's a tiring and often manual job with unsociable hours and sometimes pregnancy makes me feel like I can't even manage doing a load of laundry!

If nothing else I think you should live together for a few months first, enjoy that lovely phase together and then decide. I moved in with my partner after 8 months together (I was 30) and we’ve gone from strength to strength, but I’ve also seen friends who were together 3-4 years before they moved in together only to break up after 6 months. I’m not suggesting this would happen to you, chances are it will make you stronger as a couple, but sometimes you don’t really know someone until you live together.

19/20 would have been too young for me, I didn’t feel ready until I was 34 and luckily I got pregnant easily. But everyone is different, and I don’t think your age reflects your ability to raise a child.

it honestly depends what you want in life me and my partner had our first child when I was 19 pregnant at 18. we now are expecting out 3rd I am currently in 2nd year uni and he works full time. Although money is tight it is completely worth it I love my babies more than life and knew when me and my partner together that's what we both wanted. We weren't really the type who weere interested in going out drinking etc. I don't believe age makes a difference on the type of parents yous will be. your lives seem pretty stable so why not? being a young parent gives you more time to spend with your children x

Everyone is different, I don't think your age necessarily matters. You know best what kind of person you and your partner are, how stable your relationship is, and what you want from life. Some people want to party like there's no tomorrow at 20, some don't. No doubt you'll get questions and judgement, but if you are sure this is right for you, societal expectations alone are not a reason you shouldn't.

But why exactly do you think you might be too young? Maybe analysing your own doubts a bit more can tell you more than other people can.

I would say it's probably nice to live together for a bit before you start trying, as a previous poster mentioned. Given that you have the 'luxury' of not having to worry about time running out for you to have a baby (of which I'm very jealous!), having some time with just the two of you in your new house might be a great way to deepen your relationship and make sure you feel ready.

It really is such a personal decision to make but I wasn't anywhere near ready at that age. I'm now pregnant with my first at 29 and feel like a completely different person to who I was at 20. I had a lot of fun, a good job, enjoyed my freedom and have some amazing memories but I was also naive and a bit clueless (not implying all 20 year olds are but I was). I didn't feel ready until my late 20's but people want different things out of life and have different ideas of adventure/fun.

I was 100% ready to be a mama at 19 and so was my then partner, now husband. We both wanted it so much and I'm no more mature now than I was back then. We waited until I was 23 to have my son and it was a horrible time for me, I felt sad all the time that I longed for a baby. When he came into our lives it was incredible. And I realised that it was the right thing to do to wait a couple of those extra years. To enjoy making more friends and realise who the true ones are that would be there to help you and to just enjoy our lives. There's never a right time, 19 isn't too young, but waiting can be a real bonus too even if just for a little while. 26 now and baby number 2 on the way xxx

Had my first at 19. Wasn't really much of a "go er outer" absolutely loved being a mum. Myself and now DH had good jobs, financially stable and our own place. Fast forward 3 years along came DS2. Again, absolutely thrilled, my eldest was besotted with his little brother although not so much now.

Now we're 8 years after our first and we're having our final DC. I believe that if anyone thinks you're too young they're very immature, as we all know age is just a number. Life is far to short to take notice of these sort of people.

Of course there won't be many girls holidays, party nights etc but I'm sure you're well aware of that, what you'll get instead is something that I believe is a lot more rewarding.

Do what you feel is right, time is very much on your side so waiting isn't an issue but neither is diving in to TTC now.