Family stress in labour!

[ps1991]

I’m 37 weeks and have a real stress about going into labour and after birth. I don’t want anyone in hospital other than my DH and I don’t want anyone to know I’m in labour or baby is here until everything is done and we have had some time to ourselves. My MIL knows this and she is going to collect the dog for us and keep quiet, however my mum and dad (separated very rarely see mum) and grandparents are being really pushy already with ‘get DH to call as soon as anything happens’.

DH and I have just said we will do what we want and call them once we’re ready but we don’t feel we can actually say this to them as they’ll be put out. I also don’t really want them about much in the early days at home as I’m really conscious of DH spending time with baby during his paternity leave. My family all live about 2 hours away but will be here at the drop of a hat, and then I fear that they won’t leave again!!!

I’m sure that lots of people have this problem but I just need some reassurance. I want some time to my new little family before other people come along!

This is exactly how I felt. We didn't call anyone at all until each of our babies were born and had very few visitors in the early weeks, with my parents and PIL staying in accommodation nearby rather than in our house.

I’d prefer no one knew I was in labour to be honest. I want to retreat into my cave a escape.

DH is insisting his mother knows though as my parents will know (coming to stay with elder daughter if I’m in overnight).

Just don’t call them! Job done.

And you’ll probably be begging for help from your mum when baby arrives and won’t want her to disappear! Just be clear what you need her to help with (cooking, cleaning) not holding your baby

It's up to you how you handle it.

Your dh can call people when you are ready.

I had the first visit while I was in hospital. This is what I wanted, people could only come during bosotonh hours and it didn't intrude on our time too much.

We got lovely photos of baby (dd) in hospital with relatives.

However once home no one was invited round.

Because it is 2 hours I think you should set up some very clear ground rules now. What you do not want is them turning up unannounced. You should talk to them about it because of they do turn up unannounced it could be hard to leave then on the doorstep.

bosotonh visiting hours

Just smile and say see something like "we'll see how it goes". Then call them when the baby is here and you are ready to share the news.

We didn't tell anyone I was in labour until the babies were here. But my labours we very quick. If they had gone on for a day or longer I personally wouldn't have minded DH calling his family for some support for himself.

I think you need to draw a line because they are having expectations about something that is none of their business; at the same time I wouldn't completely discard the possibility of calling family during labour. Labour is so unpredictable.

The same goes for baby visits. They have no right to assume they'll get to see the baby straight away, and you might need some time to yourselves. Equally, you might need practical support, or you might want to store of for the baby to the world straight away.

Keep an open mind, but it is entirely your call.

It’s understandable.
Just don’t tell them until you are ready. Or have baby and then send a text saying babies here and just say you will let everybody know when your feeling up for visitors and both you and your DH stick to your guns.
It’s my due date tomorrow, we have to tell my in laws because we’ve got two dogs that they’ll be looking after but otherwise we will be making the relevant phone calls when I am ready x

Thanks for the reassurance. I know that everything might change and I might want everyone around my bedside especially if I’m in hospital for a long time. It’s good to see I’m not alone feeling like this.

When my family come to visit I really worry that they’ll be planning on staying! My mum isn’t a problem, she doesn’t drive and hasn’t been to my house where I’ve lived for 4years, showed very little interest in me when I was growing up. She is planning on getting a lift from another family member, but I doubt it!

I’m hoping that I’m worrying over nothing but my dad told me he had booked ‘the whole of the end of January’ off work for when baby arrives!!

Just say "yes of course" and when you don't call them say "Oh there wasn't time!".

Are you planning to try breastfeeding? That would scare my dad off if I told him I’d have my boobs out to feed every hour lol
It’s hard because he will just want to help and I think lots of people forget what it’s like to have a newborn and that you need some space. Perhaps you just need to be firm with him, he’ll get over it eventually x

My mum was like this.

We text her once the baby had arrived. She came over for the hospital visiting hours and saw him the day he was born so she was happy.

This is despite the fact that she wanted to take me to hospital and saw on find my friends that I was there in the middle of the night and text me about it!

Oooooh I have this with my family and extended family. My mother has very much been "call me when you're ready for visitors" but still asked for my OH to call when things kick off, and everyone else has been like "we want to know as soon as anything happens" and the phone calls have started daily. I just don't quite get the whole we want to know when a part of your nether regions start going through a private physiological processes in which you'll push a small human out your foof. We may tell parents but that is it and everyone else will just have to be disappointed.