Feel bit funny about gender...

[hungryhippomama]

Hello,
I already have a DD and am due with a DS. I never thought gender would bother me and that it would be lovely having one of each but for some reason I just don't feel as excited as if it was a girl. I think I had images in my head of them growing up as close sisters together or perhaps it's just the practical side of already having everything for a girl? or perhaps it's just the thought of something different and the unknown? I'm not really that good at playing stereotypical cars/superheroes etc. The nephews I have are all so loud and constantly banging and fighting etc whereas I'm used to tea parties and changing dollies nappies. I've suddenly become worried what if I favour my DD over DS because our 'interests' are not the same or we don't bond? Has anyone else felt like this on finding out gender? What was it like when DS was actually born?

Oh FFS, get over yourself. Be thankful your son appears healthy, not that he has a penis between his legs instead of a vagina. Your son could like dolls, tea parties, be quiet and play calmly.

I have a nearly 2 year old boy. He's active and busy, but super cuddly and loving. I adore my son, but not because he's a boy, just because he's HIM. I'm expecting another baby and couldn't care less wether it's another boy or a girl.

It doesn't bloody matter what sex they are!!

I think a lot of mothers worry they won’t love their second as much as their first. In your case you’re focusing on sex because that’s an obvious difference but suspect you might feel the same even if it was another girl.

Also, I have two girls and they are noisy and run around and bang stuff (despite my best efforts to get them to quieten down a bit). Likewise I know plenty of quiet gentle boys. You can’t tell what your DC2 is going to be like based on one small piece of their genetics.

I didn’t find out the sex but was marginally hoping for a girl. But I couldn’t have been more delighted with my DS.

I find him endlessly fascinating precisely because he is so different to both my DD and to what I was like as a child.

Equally, your son could have very similar interests to you!

Before they are born you just create a vision but when they are born you realise instantly you couldn't love them anymore than for who they are. I think lots of people quietly have a gender preference before they meet them but that disappears instantly at birth, you'd have to be totally void of motherly/human instinct to not love them as much because of their gender. Also not saying boys are more difficult I have very different children of the same gender but most of us have one child that's more difficult than the other/s but that doesn't affect your love for them, it's always equal imo, they are different people they can't be compared x

My answer is similar to minipie's, I don't think it's the gender that you are really worried about. With my second I was worried because I felt when I was pregnant with him, I wasn't bonding as much as I did when I was pregnant with my first (a girl). But it was nothing to do with the gender. I think I put it down to that with my first it was all new and exciting, but with my second I had been through the pregnancy before and had bought all the things before. But as soon as I have birth all my worry went away. I looked at my little boy and all I felt was love. So don't worry, a lot of us feel that way. You are worrying over nothing, believe me. It's just your hormones playing games with your emotions. When he's here you will feel very differently x

You realise girls can also play superhero’s and cars too right?

What @Chocolateheaven123 said!! Jesus, get a grip. Children come in all types and personalities, regardless of their sex. Girls can be loud and boisterous and boys can be quiet, it depends entirely on the child, not their genitals. Don't pigeonhole your child before he is even born.

Why do people not understand the very
Clear difference between SEX (biology) and GENDER (the bullshit stereotypes laid over sex, such as pink for girls and blue for boys)?

Considering the OP focused on tea parties Vs superheros and specific differences of boys and girls,, then I don't think she is worried about loving a second child as much. Believe me, I'd have FAR more understanding far that and offer plenty of reassurance. Bit shock horror, it's more worry and disappointment about having a boy. I knew before I even opened the thread. I fucking HATE 'gender' preference. OP, it was obviously 50/50 so perhaps you should have thought of that before deciding to have another baby. Poor child, his mother worrying about bonding with her daughter before he's even born, and over something he had no control over!

Op soon as they arrive, you'll love them and that's all that matters

Just to say, if you were having another girl it may well be noisy and boisterous! There is more variation within the sex than between.

I have 3 boys and 1 girl, now older. 2 of the boys are very quiet, 1 is noisier but chatty and telling jokes type noisy. But none of them have been boisterous. Their interests have been diverse. They have never been into superheroes or similar!! These are the things that they have enjoyed: dinosaurs, trains - eg Thomas, science, cooking, cooking, drawing, tennis, reading books, piano playing. When I think back to them being younger I was always reading dinosaur books to them, lying on the floor helping with train tracks, drawing animals, visiting farms and zoos, making obstacle courses outside. They are gentle giants now and lots of fun to be around, lovely boys - trust me, you'll enjoy it!!

In terms of the practical side of having everything - surely the cot, pram, changing mat, etc etc etc can all be re-used?
So you’re just talking about toys? And then toys are the same pretty much for any baby for the first year or two and then you just see what they’re in to. Might be similar to your DD, might be completely different.

I think boys and girls are often very different but I think a lot of this is a product of how they’re treated. Girls are given more cuddles and affection and also people expect and somewhat semi encourage boys to be boisterous and loud. It’s very sad.

Just see what kind of child you have.

There’s evidence that even unborn babies are treated very differently by their parents (and others) when their sex is known.

There’s evidence that even unborn babies are treated very differently by their parents (and others) when their sex is known.

That’s incredibly, incredibly sad.

Look, people are having a go at you OP and maybe it’s a bit unfair. I did have a slight preference first time for a boy - just because I found being a teenage girl so unbearably hard and I just imagined it’s easier for boys. I didn’t want a mini me. But then actually having a child I of course realised that your child is a completely separate person from you and my fears were illogical. I have no preference now.

But being sad about a boy because you’ll need different STUFF is just sad I think. You have no idea what he’ll be into, all children have different interests so to even imagine what your child will be like based off the one piece of information you have at this stage is misguided. DS is the least boisterous of all children (male and female) that I know btw.

It's not fucking gender. It's sex. FFFS.

I’m actually with @minipie and we don’t even have kids yet. Damn it, it even struck me that our (first) baby wouldn’t be able to play with things like our cat can he was playing today

Its ok to worry about this stuff. But, it will be absolutely fine. Your boy may love baby dolls and tea sets. My boys did. And your daughter may grow out of dolls and want to do lots of activities that you consider to be more typical of boys. It doesn't matter. Youll become the parent your kids need as long as you put their needs first.

I stereotyped and assumed I'd be a much better mum to a girl than a boy.

1. I have a boy. His favourite toys are tea sets, play kitchens and play doh.
2. He is the most amazing little person- he brings me joy every single day. Honestly his sex has no impact on how amazing he is.
3. I was a traditional "girly girl" as a kid but .. turns out playing with cars and superhero's is pretty fun too!

Honestly, try not to worry. It'll be fine. He will be your kid, part of you. You'll get along fine, whatever he's into.

I get it OP, I started a similar thread when I found out I was expecting my second DS.

Of course I was delighted to find out that my baby was healthy and I feel so lucky to have had an easy pregnancy. This pregnancy has been quite different to my previous one so I assumed I was expecting a girl. I realise now that all pregnancies are different, regardless of sex, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. This will be my last DC, so no daughters for me.

Do you know what, I am now completely over that and am so excited to be a mum of 2 boys. I'm glad I found out the sex because it's given me time to deal with these feelings in my own time, instead of dealing with them when I've just given birth, am overwhelmed by hormones and feel like I've been hit by a train. I'll bet that in a little while you'll be just as excited about having one of each instead of 2 DDs and like others have said, who knows how your children's personalities will pan out as they grow up.

For what it's worth, my DS is a complete whirlwind, he is noisy and the house always looks like a hurricane has just been through, BUT he's also a proper mummy's boy, really snuggly and totally loving. My best friend's daughter on the other hand hates cuddles and throws tantrums if you so much as look at her wrong! Who knows whether it's got anything to do with their sex, but there are so many things to love about boys.

Also, I'm one of 4, 2 sisters and 1 brother. I am by far closest with my brother, always have been, so there is no reason why your children won't necessarily be best of friends.

Congratulations

I posted earlier but just wanted to add that children generally end up being similar to parents in their interests. Because when we play and interact with children we tend to join in more naturally and fully with areas that we enjoy. So, for example, I love drawing and show enthusiasm for this, then I may play a little longer, be more involved and then the child does too. So chances are that your child will love the things you or your partner love. So if you don't like rough and tumble play, your son won't either (generally speaking).