Requesting a new midwife at 35 weeks...?

[captainshortie]

Basically yeah. Has anyone ever requested to change midwife? Especially this 'late' in the game?

Its not that I don't like her. I just get the vibe off her that she either really doesnt care about her job and my wellbeing OR she doesnt like me?

I know the latter is stupid, however the only reason im thinking that is because years ago my mam (who is also a nurse) worked at the same doctors practice as her and they butted heads quite alot, and now she knows im her daughter(she said I looked like her) is being a bit arsey maybe? However Id of thought that would mean youd want to make a good impression and do your job better to prove my mam wrong? Maybe not.

Anyhoo, my last app with her on thursday she just seemed so blase' about everything. Like the entire conversation was forced.
Id recently been told off my health visitor that i shouldve been taken vitamin d tablets throughout pregnancy, which is something NOBODY has said to me, so i brought it up and she goes 'eee yeah you are, we normally mention folic acid but because everyone takes them pregnacare tablets(which has vit D included) we dont mention it' and im like..... :/ not everyone takes pregnacare, i specifically took folic acid.

I asked her about whether we could talk about my birth plan and if i should write it down, (as says in my notes and quite frankly across the whole internet that my midwife will talk to me about my diff options) and she goes 'eee no, you can if you want, but you dont have too'
And im just sat there like think it would be nice to know my options and what options are available to me (im classed as high risk due to bmi, so I know not everything is an option for me. I.e water birth)

And tbh if shes so laxydaisy with me, im worried how shell be if shes the one visiting me after baby is here. And what if she misses something?
Its my first baby and i just want it to go smoothly, but I dont even know where to start

I havent been taking any vitamins aside from folic acid up to 12 weeks. Although I have a named midwife ive only seen her 3 times. Im honestly not sure about changing, your only going to have another few appointments but maybe speak to the surgery?

She doesn’t actually sound bad to me sorry. My midwives have been the same through both pregnancies. Mentioned folic acid not vitamin D tablets.

I honestly wouldn’t worry about a birth plan - labour isn’t something you can plan if that makes sense, it could go quick and easy it could go wrong. I would only make a note in your notes if there is something you specifically do not want and ‘go with the flow’ for the rest. For example I had no epidural or medical intervention unless necessary in mine. My first was a 4 day labour on a ward, my 2nd was 5 hours in a birth centre. I honestly think if I had planned my first labour to go as my second did I would have been so upset that it hadn’t gone to plan if that makes sense.

You honestly won’t have many more appointments left now, so unless you genuinely feel you wouldn’t be Able to trust her to deliver your baby safely if she is the midwife on duty at the time then I probably would just stick with her.

* and even if she isn’t keen on you for any reason, when she comes out to check the baby she will or should do her job, I really do not feel she would intentionally not fulfil her duty of taking care of your newborn to spite you or your mum. You also have a visit from a health visitor as well as the midwife, so if there is anything missed by one person the other will pick it up (not that im saying there will be something missed)

I honestly felt the same as you with my second, the midwife seemed more friendly than professional and I had to ask a lot of questions, she didn’t just volunteer information if that makes sense and worried me a bit that she wasn’t doing what she should be - BUT I have to say the after baby care was superb and I was really grateful for the friendliness she had then.

I think midwives are just busy. I asked about birth options at my last appointment and as a result will (eventually) get an invite to a birth choices clinic but otherwise it would have been assumed I wanted to go the natural way

I think sadly you are expecting too much from your midwife. The appointments are barely 10 mins and they are so busy.

With regard to the vitamin D did you not get leaflets in your pack? Stuff like this plus the jabs you should have were written everywhere in leaflets, books, handouts in your maternity pack so if she forgot to mention at every appointment you got it should have been somewhere.

As for the birthing plan both my midwives chuckled and said I could write one if I liked but it rarely goes to plan anyway and they were right.

I think your mum is a bit biased and causing you undue stress.

I dont think im expecting too much at all. I understand theyre busy, doesnt mean standards about what to talk about need to slip. All my appointments have been 20+ minutes.
Theres no mention in any of my books about vitamin D. Trust me ive scoured them all. Only ever mentions folic acid.
Its not the specific writing of a birth plan thats narking me, its that for example, i may of wanted a water birth, but because of my weight im not allowed one. She didnt tell me this, i had to research it for myself. If i hadnt Id of gone through pregnancy adamant i wanted one and been sorley disappointed.
I just think, especially being high risk, that labour should be talked about a bit more as not all options are available to me, and I only know this because a girl at work who is also pregnant and high risk has had her birth plan discussed and shes only 25 weeks.

You can try but in my trust I wasn't allowed. I spoke to the head midwife at the hospital we are booked at and also the senior with the community team. They couldn't logistically make it work.

I was told about folic acid and vitamin D but I already knew about them when TTC. There’s lots of advice on birth plans online. If you’re high risk are you not seeing a consultant?

How high is your BMI? Mine was high at 33 and I still have the option of a water birth.

My midwife talks about birth options at the 36 week appt.
It doesn’t actually sound like she’s done anything wrong, but if you don’t like her for any reason then you’re entitled to ask for someone else. My practice only has one midwife!

Ive got a consultant but only actually seen him the once, had different ones all the other times, and my bmi os 48.8 so quite high(im 5"2 so think if i was a little taller it wouldnt be as high)
My doctors has 2 midwives so might be an option and no I know shes not particulally done anything 'wrong' and im not saying shes bad at her job by any means, just listing the experience ive had and that compared to others I know havent been told an awful lot and when I do go see her her demeener feels forced, like shed rather be elsewhere

Hi OP. Not this pregnancy but when I was pregnant with my DD I was assigned a lovely, community midwife. There were a couple of weeks where I had to see a different MW if mine was busy elsewhere. The stand in that I saw seemed really slap dash to me! If I mentioned anything that was worrying me to her she’d shut me down immediately and brush off my concerns as though I was being an overly concerned FTM which annoyed me.
I think some are just like it unfortunately, I wouldn’t see the point in changing at the eleventh hour to be honest. Have you spoken to other women who’ve had her as a MW? If so what did they think of her?

My BMI is 44 (it was 46 at the beginning of my pregnancy - 17 weeks now) if you’re under consultant care you’ll be well looks after.

Hi OP, I've had an abrupt midwife before and she turned out to be the best in the end, as much as I didn't warm to her at first she was good at her job. In terms of birth plan I did sort of make one with my first but midwife didn't help me too much, back then also if you put in your plan you didn't want an epidural for instance, they'd try and stick to that and I changed my mind after a very long labour so they took lots longer to convince-wish id not written that one. Re birthing pool I've friends who've wanted one each time but if your Labour is too quick, you need drugs or the pool is already in use you won't get to have one anyway (unless you hire one at home yourself I guess.) My other midwives with my other pregnancies I honestly never saw the same one twice and I got all my info bar the important stuff off the online weekly guides. If you aren't keen on her and you think it'll make you feel more comfortable maybe ask for someone else. I personally wouldn't as you've very little time left. I didn't have the same midwife come out to do my baby checks, not sure if thats usually what happens near you, it seems to be a different team here. I do sympathise that it's not the best situ, it's an exciting time so feeling awkward with a midwife isn't ideal but she won't be your whole experience.x

You need to speak to your consultant about a birth plan, if you’re consultant led (which you should be) there is no point the midwife talking about your options for the consultant to say no you can’t do that. Make a consultant appointment and ask them to put a plan into place.

Thinking on it though high risk pregnancies under consultant are to my knowledge delivery suite births rather than birth suite so water birth would not be an option unless that's changed. X

@captainshortie

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and seen 4 different midwives. I've only seen my 'designated' one three times! This is my first pregnancy so I would have expected better. However I've just gone with the flow, and put it down to it just being a bit crap.