Baby fever

[Aiimee]

Hi all, I'm not sure if this is the right thing to post on here but I really need some truthful advice, me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and I have recently caught baby fever, it's hit me bad, it's ALL I think about (even cried some times about it) I'm DESPERATE to start trying and when we've spoken about it he just says 'it will happen when the time is right' basically he is not ready, he's told me he's not ready, he keeps using reasons like holidays, weekends away, nights out as a reason to put me off baring in mind we don't hardly do any of them things, I'm finding it sooooo hard to be with someone who doesn't want the same things as me, do I wait? Do I not? Help!

If he does not want DC, then yes it may well prove to be a deal breaker.

You sound rather over-wrought in you post. Is anything else up?

If you are ready to be a mum you are ready to have a grown up relationship where you can ask him the truth

I've had a real tough time lately which has made me realise I'm so ready for the next stage of my life, I love my OH I couldn't have gone through things if he wasn't by my side which is why I would never want to be without him but that more I mention trying, I feel like I'm pushing him away from me because it's the only thing we don't agree on but for me it's the most important thing, I sound really dramatic but like I said it's pretty much all I think about

Then you need to be honest with one another, you want kids, he doesn’t. Walk away from each other and find someone new. Neither of you are wrong but not compatible

How old are you?

I feel like in every other aspect we are perfect for each other and I feel selfish for wanting this, almost forcing it upon him, I'm 27 he's the same age

I almost wish I didn't feel like this but I really can't help it I've tried pushing myself into other things to take my mind of it but once I'm in bed at night it's again all I can think of, we've been seeing each other 4 years, officially dating for 2 years, owned our first house beginning of this year, I'm just so ready

Does he ever want children, truthfully? Are his delaying comments an attempt to put you off altogether?

You do still have plenty of time. But if it's important to you to have children soon and he really doesn't want to then you need to think hard about whether staying in this relationship is right for you.

You need to move on or accept a childless relationship, you can’t force this upon him

We nearly separated a few months ago due to this reason, he says he does want children, just not yet, I've tried so hard to accept that and it's the hope that it will be one day soon that's making me stay, i couldn't imagine being with anyone else and I don't want too but I also don't want to wait for him to suddenly say ok we can try, I know everyone is different but my mum struggled with conception and so did my sister, what if I have to wait years to say he's ready, and then year + to conceive, I sound so overly dramatic about this I am sorry and thank you for responding to me

Well, does he say when he thinks it would be a good time, or what would need to happen for him to be ready? I don't think I'd be ok with a vague idea of maybe sometime in the future.

No time scale just 'it will happen when the time is right'
The right time for me is now
We're just not on the same page right now and I think it's a problem

I wanted children 5 year ago but my partner wasn’t ready we argued about it because it was all I though about in the end we decided to wait till we were married so now I’m pregnant. I really wouldn’t give up hope yet I’m 30 now and I’m so glad I waited we have a nice house and are married and I feel like we have grown so much in that time it’s a much nicer family life to bring a child into. Relax and go on some holidays because the time will fly by before you no it and yous will have your family x

I had this exact problem with my husband. He was a bit older than your DP, about 28 and I was 31

My biological clock was ticking loudly, we were married, owned a house etc but he wasn't ready and I was. He said the same as your DP, he did want children but wasn't ready and couldn't put a timescale on it

I really struggled with the open ended-ness of his position. If he'd said 'I'll be ready in a year' I'd have found that a lot easier but he wasn't willing to do that

It was very hard, I strongly considered leaving him because I feared he would fob me off until it was too late for me but I was scared I wouldn't find anyone else and would still end up childless and have lost my husband. You have a little more time than me in that respect so you can afford to wait a while or you can leave and look for a new partner more on the same page as you

I know it doesn't help at the height of baby fever but my husband did eventually feel he was ready (took just over a year after I originally asked) and we started TTC. It took a while for us to conceive (about a year) which was extremely hard for me but I think he was secretly grateful for and we now have a 3 month old little boy

I wouldn't have waited forever though and only you know where you draw the line. I think my cut off would have been 34 and I was willing to go down the donor sperm route if I'd had to, I'd have resented him forever if he'd denied me the chance to be a Mum

Thank you all so much it has made me feel a lot better hearing your stories xx

If he isn’t ready he isn’t ready. You can’t make him be a father if he doesn’t want to be yet, it will be the end of the relationship. Being together two years really isn’t that long.

It’s perfectly acceptable for him to say he isn’t ready and want holidays and nights out. You need to work out if him not being ready is just that, and not something he’s using as a way of placating you when actually he means never.